AIBU to continually feel let down by DP

[PeoniesGinandBags]

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 3 years and do love him. However, I am constantly feeling let down by him and unimportant.

He has lots of problems with his family (crappy divorce and struggles with his teenage children) along with some legal problems I recently helped him sort out. I'm very much a "go to" person for him as he's all over the show. When we're together things are good but when we're not, it's like I cease to exist.

We don't live together and live about 2 hours from each other's houses. This means we typically just spend weekends together.

Today he's gone home at 6 after "feeling drained" and needing to get home to sort out his things for work tomorrow. I called 4 hours later to check he'd got back okay to be told "oh, I've just come out for a quick drink with friend. I'll ring you when I'm home".

So, tired, needing to get ready for work, but in the pub at 10 and still no call, so presumably still there.

He's got a friend staying with him at the moment who is having some problems in his marriage and I'm not convinced isn't cheating on his wife.

AIBU to be really pissed off about this?

What was the reasoning for his previous marriage breakdown?

He's not giving you the reassurance you need to feel good in the relationship. He's not showing you, you are a priority to him.

No wonder you feel like crap, you deserve better.

Things that will improve your mood and self esteem:

Spend more time outside
read
learn a new skill
contact friends (with no ulterior motive other than checking how they are)
list things you’re grateful for
wash
eat food that you choose to, and deliberately.

Well he probably wanted to get the drive done and sort his stuff for work. If his mate offered him to go a drink so what? I don’t think he’s unreasonable to leave at 6 when he’s got a 2hr drive ahead of him

You haven’t expanded on this but I think anyone who has problems having a good relationship with their children is a potential issue. That coupled with difficult divorce suggests he may have been an arse towards his ex-wife. Those kinds of people don’t change and become lovely human beings over night.

Being with him is not beneficial for your mental health so you need to cut him out of your life.

He’s extremely substandard. You are not. Bin him.

He split up with his wife because they were both having affairs but then he developed a substance abuse problem. So, she did the right thing by the sounds of it.

Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you all xx

Have a read of The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. It's not perfect but it's helpful in places esp about values, boundaries, and recognising that other peoples shit is not your shit.

Totally agree with this!

You are worth more even if you don't feel it.

You have lots to give but you also deserve someone who gives back.

These are his failings, not yours.