To be fuming with DH?

[absolutelyfuming24]

I’ll preface this by saying that DH is generally lovely and supportive and never pressurises me. We have two DC (4 and 1) and I’m bloody knackered. When we have had sex, which if I’m honest is only every two months or so (sex has been quite painful since the birth and I’m waiting physio), he says he wants to see my body. I am still breastfeeding DS and I know my body looks like…it’s had two babies…so I’m not feeling my most confident these days. (I know I should be proud and am working on my self esteem, I don’t discuss this in front of DC.)

The other morning I came from the shower and DH was scrolling on his phone. I took off my towel and asked if I looked alright and without looking up from his phone said “uh huh” and kept scrolling. I felt humiliated and it did nothing to boost my confidence. I know that needs to come from within but it would also be nice to have some feedback from my DH. Especially as he says he wants to see my body. I haven’t brought it up because I’m not sure if I’m BU, but it’s been a few days and I’m still feeling hurt. AIBU?

Oh yes I meant to add that if we have sex I want the lights to be out and my body to be covered by a sheet, I also leave my bra on, so it felt like a massive vulnerability to actually show my fully naked body to DH, but I did it because he’d asked to see me.

If you want him to admire/compliment your naked self do it in the right context. You don’t know what he was doing on his phone when you flashed him and fuming for days is an extreme reaction to not getting the response you were after.

At the risk of stating the bloody obvious, you need to talk to your husband. Use I statements, not you ones. “I feel lacking in confidence/unattractive” “I want to focus on closeness even though PIV is tricky while I’m waiting on physio” not “you were more interested in your phone than my boobs”.

OP, very very gently and kindly, I think that moment meant something entirely different to you than it did to your DH. Women are usually way more critical of their own bodies than their husbands would ever dream of being. He was simply occupied by something on his phone and didn't manage to shift his attention in time. If you do talk to him, I'm sure he'll tell you as much and apologize. He sounds like an overall decent guy.

I'm not entirely sure an apology is what you need the most, though. Why not instead have an honest conversation with him when you're alone. Tell him that you do want to show him your body, but that you're feeling vulnerable and insecure and craving a bit of reassurance. Prepare him a bit and have a little moment together. Not necessarily to have sex if that's painful for you, but maybe to just be undressed together and intimate, and gain the nearness, trust and comfort of sharing that?