To feel left out in my own family

[SnackInABox]

2 DS (7 and 4) and DH

DS6 diagnosed ASD. Suspect H also. The 4 year old showing no signs so far.

DS6 already v into video games. As is DH. They are also v physical and competitive. Lots of chasing each other round the house. Wind each other up relentlessly. Usually someone ends uo in tears! DS4 just follows and copies them. The house is so much shouting and jumping and going crazy about some video game. And sometimes they're all talking to me at once and then all of them get upset if I don't give them attention.

I'm told I'm the loser because I don't game. And I'm not into physical rough and tumble. They are so shouty.

I spend a fair amount of time at work (as main earner) and I'm increasingly feeling like a stranger. Like the loser mum they ignore but I'm also physically overwhelmed as they're all seem to climb all over me, demand stuff, need me when they're upset, worried. But then 10 mins later they're back to taking the piss somehow!

H tells me im being ridiculous but he can be as childish as them! This afternoon they've been calling each other poo poo heads for about 4 hours and to be honest it does my head in.

Do I sound like a miserable cow? How can I feel included in my own family when they are all so similar? Should I just accept this is how it is?

Does your dh not realise he’s a parent? Tell him to grow the fuck up. He’s probably damaging your kid.

You have many years ahead with them, I would relish not bring the crazy, energetic gamer one, become their calm, nurturing, grounded one

It sounds like your DH is a bit of a cocklodger.
Tot up what you do for him and the kids , and you'll probably see that he's taking advantage of you.

I would get a serious case of the “ick” is my husband was sat cor hours behaving like a small child day in, day out and leaving me to pay the bills. Call him out on his behaviour. He’s either your husband or he’s an additional burden on you and your time.

Can you find a different way to connect with your boys? Mine love to play games like uno and zingo (a bingo game) and we tend to do that a lot together while they do different and more rough and tumble with my DH. We also do mummy and son days where I have a day out with one on one where we do something special.