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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend fall out

12 replies

Ruthmo1 · 28/07/2024 20:35

So - apologies if this is lengthy!
I have a long term friend that I’ve known since we were about 16. We are both now nearly 60. Our relationship has always been - perhaps a bit odd. Ever since we were kids she has always bigged herself up and put me down. When I used to rock up at her house when we were younger her sister always greeted me with ‘Hi fat (my name) her parents laughed at this. Fast forward lots of years - we’ve stayed friends but are very different in terms of political and religious views. We lost touch for around 10 years then reconnected. Her marriage broke up in 2016 and I was very supportive as she has been to me at different times. She then decided to relocate to my town as she wanted a fresh start. Initially this worked out well however her constant putting me down has continued - I would add that I have very low self esteem anyway. Things have been a little up and down since. A few weeks back we had provisionally arranged to go out- she didn’t get in touch ( but she has a new partner so I assumed he’d stayed longer than anticipated so I left it) I then saw on SM that she’d gone out with a friend. I messaged her to explain very politely that I was a bit disappointed her response was simply- piss off! Since then things have escalated and we are not speaking. When I think back I feel she has pretty much bullied me for many years. I admit I’m a bit of a passive doormat - now I’ve stood up to her she doesn’t like it.I feel bad. I guess my question is - should you let a possibly toxic relationship go even if you’ve been friends for years? My instinct is to always forgive but maybe I should stand my ground? Your thoughts are really appreciated- thank you x

OP posts:
DontKeepScratchingIt · 28/07/2024 20:38

If it were me, I'd tell her to fuck right off, then sever all contact with her, block her on everything. She ISN'T a friend, she's someone you've known for years who is still the horrible bitch she was then.

IncompleteSenten · 28/07/2024 20:40

Why do you think she has ever been your friend?

Member984815 · 28/07/2024 20:40

She's not your friend, she's a bully. Move on and forget about her.

TheHuntSyndicate · 28/07/2024 20:42

One last text before blocking her and banishing her from your life altogether -

' I am going to take your advice and piss off. Don't contact me again as I find you tedious and boring. Oh and by the way, your hair do makes you look like Gnasher from Dennis the Menace.'

Block.

PBandJ111 · 28/07/2024 20:42

Tell her to do one.

Iloveacurry · 28/07/2024 20:43

Let it go op. She sounds very unpleasant.

Projectme · 28/07/2024 20:45

Good grief! She sounds bloody awful! I think your 'forgiveness' quota is complete with that one OP. Time to dump and move on.

savethatkitty · 28/07/2024 20:47

Sorry love, but its time to pull up your big girl pants & tell this friend to piss off! She has never been your friend, she's used you & put you down for her own entertainment. Nasty cow, she is.

ThisNoisyTealLurker · 28/07/2024 20:51

Personally I'd be pleased that she's not talking and enjoy the peace! Some friendships aren't meant to last forever and from how you've described your friendship with her, I think you've given her enough of your time. Life is challenging enough without someone who is supposed to be in your corner but is actively not.

PassingStranger · 28/07/2024 21:13

Say nothing. Move on, not a nice person then or now.

dollopz · 28/07/2024 22:42

Was she due to get in touch about the night out? Out of interest why didn’t you get in touch with her about the night out?

I have a friend like this, she has a hard exterior and few friends but is redeemingly very soft and emotional inside, a result of the way she was bought up. We have been friends since my early 20s and now late 50s. I am not a door mat but take a grown up bigger picture stance. The put downs are all to do with my friends childhood, inner turmoil and lack of resilience and nothing to do with me so I don’t take them to heart. Sometimes I suspect she might be a little jealous of me but who knows!? I tend to give her space when she’s badly behaved (pavlovs dogs) and then after a few months reconnect on better terms. I’m not one for holding grudges, can’t be bothered. I am very patient with her and I wouldnt be this patient with most of other people (I can be very assertive)

DarkDarkNight · 28/07/2024 22:48

I would take her advice and piss off. Don’t give her a second thought. She isn’t a friend, she just uses you to make herself feel better, and obviously you’re way back on her list of priorities.

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