Aibu to feel hurt over something so silly.

[Headawobble]

It's a birthday one so I know I might get a kicking here as caring about grown up birthdays is frowned upon but this is the situation. I have bipolar disorder and it can certainly cloud my judgement of a situation and definitely effects how I react to things emotionally. At my office we work in small but close teams, each little team does collections for the others birthdays and gives a little card and gift. We've always done it and there is even a "birthday wall" up in the break room, with a photo and birthdate next to each month. My colleague has their birthday the day before mine and received their "gifts" on Thurs, big bunch of flowers, some chocolates and a spa voucher. On Friday, my birthday, there was not a mention of anything, no card, no Happy Birthday etc. I felt really awkward and uncomfortable as I didn't want to announce/mention my it was my birthday as they'd obviously forgotten. I KNOW it's stupid and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter but I've been feeling upset about it - I think my BPD is blowing it up a bit more than it needs to but I feel like less of a part of the team, even though I know it's probably been a genuine error but I just feel like that always happens to me and I'm generally overlooked/forgotten about. People usually ask about your weekend, WIBU to loudly describe the LOVELY birthday weekend (it's been ok 😂) I had at home with my family or will that just seem passive aggressive?

I think I would just take my name off the birthday wall. Then I would have no expectations, so no disappointment either. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, it sounds very hurtful, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be uncommon. Sadly there are lots of posts about people being left out of meals, outings, birthdays, weddings.....

If you do it 'loudly' then yes, it would be passive aggressive.

Just mention it in your reply and see if they've forgotten.

How long have you been there? Have you always got birthday gifts/cards in the past?

What a shame, I totally understand why you're hurt. Can't see why you should have been overlooked if your birthday was on the calendar, so it's hard to understand this. Might there have been a misunderstanding from last year where people might have got the impression you don't celebrate? Anyway, massive birthday congratulations and I hope you had an amazing day 🎂🎁

That would feel upsetting, because of the difference with the colleague the day before. I’m sorry this happened. Have you done DBT? If you have, this is a good time to use Check the Facts, to help you keep the disappointment etc at a normal level and not spiral: here, you might make a list of reasons this could have happened which aren’t actually about you. Eg for all you know, the Thursday birthday person mentioned it to people so they remembered, or because of hers the day before they didn’t remember one the following day and that could have been anyone, etc. In terms of your urge to make it plain on Monday, try to take the high road: ofc If ppl ask about your weekend be honest, you had birthday things, but don’t make them feel bad because you don’t know their reasons and it won’t help your bonds with them in future. Maybe try doing some calming stuff before you go into work on Monday, remind yourself how loved and cared for you are, so you don’t make it extreme in your head. Most of all, enjoy your Sunday and forget about it for today.

If this is a thing then yes I’d be upset too. If someone asks how your weekend was then I would say oh it was my birthday so we did xyz and see the response. It’s not ok to leave out one person when you do it for everyone else

I was definitely joking a little about the loudly. I never would really - just a little tempting.

I've been there 6 years and with this particular team for three. Always had a gift before so I'm inclined for it to be a mistake but I guess it just compounds a lot of negative thoughts I have about myself. Thank you. For your kind comments - I feel so silly to keep giving it a thought.

Thank you, I have done DBT and a pleased I quickly realised I was spiralling a little here. This is a really helpful comment to remind me how to tackle the more irrational thoughts!

That's so poor from the team. As a manager I'd be mortified that's taken happened in a work place. Is there a friendly staff person you could ask 'advice' from so someone does something when they realise the error?

So insensitive of them.

I am normally the first to say a lot of the birthday upset on here is a bit silly. But YANBU on this one. Are you up on the board too? I just can't see how they missed you if you are.
I'm sure it's just a mistake, but still hurtful.
Side note though - this does sound waaay OTT for birthdays. Spa voucher?! I had to bring in the cakes and snacks at my place 🤣

It's definitely and oversight then isn't it?

I expect there'll be quite a few embarrassed faces when you tell them

Glad you had a good birthday anyway 🎂

That's rotten, OP, I would feel upset too. I would feel a right idiot though if I said anything.

To be fair, it's a usually a lovely work place and everyone is friendly. I feel embarrassed and weirdly guilty for them finding out as I think (would hope) they will feel bad too. I just don't do well with social awkwardness like this!

Yes! Definitely on the board! 😂

You are right though, I everywhere else I've worked you had to bring in snacks and cakes for your birthday too!

You don't have to bring in snacks/cakes for your birthday but most people want to treat their colleagues.

If you'd treated yours, they would've instantly known it was your birthday?

I'll remember that for next year! To be fair, I bought in biscuits on Monday just because so maybe not!

Well no, they wouldn't twig if it was a tin of biscuits, but if you brought in cakes and said 'My birthday treat for you all', or something similar, they probably would.

Still, I imagine they'll be mortified when they find out so it's unlikely to happen next year

No problem, fellow DBT-er, it's the best :) x

I make a HUGE DEAL of my birthday every year and don’t care if anyone thinks I am ridiculous. I have my reasons.

I would have walked to the wall chart thingy and coughed loudly and theatrically pointed out that it was my birthday on the day.

I am not sure what you can do about it now really. I would probably respond in comedy fashion if anyone asked how my weekend went, saying I spent in crying in a darkened room because my bastarding colleagues forgot my fucking birthday.

Ha! Thank you that made me laugh! I definitely should have utilized the dramatic cough!

I definitely feel lots better for posting - I was worried I was being totally ridiculous but I feel a bit validated and also that it's less of an issue. I think laughing it off a bit is probably they way forward!

I don't make a huge deal of my birthday at all, but if there's a wall chart and everyone gets birthday gifts then similar to @Sunnydiary I'd have been sat there singing "Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me" whilst pointing at the chart.

Not silly at all.

A couple of years ago one of my closest friends forgot my birthday. I was actually with her on the day and it felt really awkward. A few days later she remembered and was a bit mortified and said I should have reminded her!

The next year she forgot again!! And even when she did remember she didn’t get me a gift (we usually do).

This year I’m definitely going to mention it in advance. It’s not just that it’s a bit upsetting to be forgotten it’s also really embarrassing when they remember.

I recommend you do mention it on Monday but be graceful about it. And next year I hope they do better.

Many happy returns.