Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find his lack of response so anxiety inducing?

19 replies

Chickpeachilli · 27/07/2024 19:17

Me and my ex partner from a few years back have decided to give it another go. We both have had different partners (I was engaged for a year) and both felt like there was something missing.

He initiated getting back together, kept asking to talk to me and explain that he had been to therapy and address his self destructive behaviors. I took it very slowly, asking for clarification on quite a lot of things, which he provided.

It’s been a few months now and I recently agreed to give it another go (after twice weekly meet ups/discussions and apologies from him). We have texted less this time round, as we’re both busier and more mature, but speak once a day.

He is away on a camping trip this weekend. He left on Thursday. I text him on Wednesday evening (replies to his texts and saying have a good time!). No reply, and still no reply.

I just feel very deflated. I don’t expect him to text me whilst he’s away, but he did have all evening Wednesday and Thursday day to say something like “thanks, won’t be able to text much but will speak to you when I’m back!”.

It hurts even more because he has done this sudden stopping of communication before, and we didn’t speak for months after that. So I’m left wondering - has he changed his mind about us? Have I said something wrong? Am I totally overreacting?? He did say that these camping trips were “raucous” and last time his best friend cheated on his long term girlfriend.

I’m 100% not a clingy or anxious person usually. Me and ex fiancé spoke every few days and it suited me fine as I worked away.

i just feel like shit. Not upset, just almost resigned to the fact that nothing has changed and maybe we made a mistake

OP posts:
Abigaillovesholidays · 27/07/2024 19:20

Is it possible he might not have signal or have forgotten his charger?

Thursdaygirl · 27/07/2024 19:22

I wouldn’t be happy OP, it only takes 2mins to send a text

cupcaske123 · 27/07/2024 19:26

It's highly unlikely he's changed his mind given all your discussions and meetings regarding your relationship. I'm guessing he was busy packing and sorting out things for when he was away and forgot to respond.

Ponoka7 · 27/07/2024 19:29

I'd tell myself that he's broke his phone and if he gets back in touch and that isn't the case and he hasn't been in hospital, I'd tell him to fuck right off. There is no excuse to blank someone like this. If you meant anything to him, he'd answer you or be thinking of sending a sign-off-for-the-weekend text.

Dancingmonkeyfeet · 27/07/2024 19:39

You need to reframe this.

If you two are meant to be together it will happen. If he bales then it just makes space for you to meet some one fresh that isn’t carrying all this baggage.

Yes he could have text you back - but your self worth shouldn’t hinge on him making you feel wanted. You should be thinking -how can this guy compliment my life, is he worthy of being in it?

I would take a step back and look at why this has sent your nervous system into over drive and consider IS he really worth it OR are you just trying to fill a gap.

Is Saturday night OP don’t sit in stressing, go to the pictures, speak to friends, go for a walk, get a bottle of wine. Dont let your insecurities ruin your night.

Yeah he has been a toss pot leaving you hanging - that’s not fair. I’d nip it in the bud

Chickpeachilli · 27/07/2024 20:00

I have been out - I’ve not been thinking of it that much, I’ve had a lovely day with my friends and going out later on to see a film with my friend too. I just find it odd that he hasn’t messaged at all.

OP posts:
NeedToAskPlease · 27/07/2024 20:46

My exFwB was like this and it completely messed with my head. It shouldn't be this difficult so new into the relationship.

It made me so anxious and irritated not knowing when or if I'd hear from him.

If you feel like you're being ignored, you probably are.

luckylavender · 27/07/2024 21:48

He is highly likely to have a poor signal

Lampslights · 27/07/2024 21:50

What kind of response would you have liked, for me that would be the end of the text conversation.

you say he’s addressed his behaviours. Have you addressed yours?

Createausername1970 · 27/07/2024 21:52

If he is camping, he may not have a great signal.

Should have texted before he went, I agree, but just see what happens after the weekend.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/07/2024 21:52

He did say that these camping trips were “raucous” and last time his best friend cheated on his long term girlfriend

Why would he tell you this?

Blackeyedcat · 27/07/2024 22:01

the people saying he probably has no signal , I don’t belive this one bit at all , If he really wants to make things work again , he’d drive around to find signal to text his gf waiting at home to say all is fine , don’t worry , I have no signal so please don’t think I’m ignoring you , I’ll message you when I’m out and about if there is signal somewhere at some point , not leave her hanging . Him not texting back for 2 days is plain ignorant . How does one forget to reply ? Wouldn’t she be on his mind 24/7 after finally getting second chance with his ex partner that he so much wanted ?

Chickpeachilli · 27/07/2024 23:21

Lampslights · 27/07/2024 21:50

What kind of response would you have liked, for me that would be the end of the text conversation.

you say he’s addressed his behaviours. Have you addressed yours?

Yes, the most obvious one being a massive people pleaser and pushover

OP posts:
spttc · 27/07/2024 23:41

It's your gut telling you it's not right that's making you feel crap. You want him to be crazy about you & want to talk all the time etc. You now (maybe rightly) suspect he doesn't feel as strongly as you imagined. That's disappointing. A slap of reality this isn't a sure thing or a fairytale etc. Most of us have been there. Normal to feel a bit shit. Try to play it cool.

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 28/07/2024 06:22

You’ve made a mistake. I’m sorry.

StripeyDeckchair · 28/07/2024 07:20

Never go back

He was an ex for a reason

Relationships should add to the quality of your life not drain you & make you anxious

NeedToAskPlease · 28/07/2024 08:45

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 28/07/2024 06:22

You’ve made a mistake. I’m sorry.

Errrrr....no. HE'S made a mistake by messing up. The Op has done nothing wrong.

LBFseBrom · 28/07/2024 09:06

Abigaillovesholidays · 27/07/2024 19:20

Is it possible he might not have signal or have forgotten his charger?

I thought thatl

Don't read too much into it, op, he wants to try again with you and if he changed his mind, he'd surely tell you.

Good luckl

moonshinepoursthroughmywindow · 28/07/2024 09:14

You said have a good time. That does not require a reply. I don't believe in frequent texting just to keep tabs on someone - you text when you need to ask or tell them something. It sounds as if he feels the same. Don't read too much into it at this stage.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page