Kids Party Etiquette

[Sallyanne92]

So DD attended a party for her class, shes just finishing reception year. It was in a hall with a bouncy castle. The parent advised it was a drop and go party on the invite which I thought was good so I dropped DD and left to run some errands. When I returned about 15 minutes before the end I saw that most parents were there and it turns out basically they all stayed. Most of the parents seem quite chummy anyway I feel a bit funny that I was the only parent to drop and go. It seems like they all decided in a group to stay and catch up with each other. AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about the whole thing?

I think they stayed because the children are so young.

I'm surprised it was drop and go for Reception age. All the parties for that age group I've ever been to, the majority of parents have stayed.
I would put money on them not all planning it together and simply staying because the kids are so young

Yes, you're unreasonable for feeling annoyed that they made a different choice to you.

Your choice was fine. Their choice was fine.

Seems like this has tapped into you not feeling like you fit in. They haven't done anything wrong and I doubt they all made a collective decision to hang out. It was your decision not to stay, own it and at the next party stick around.

I agree that at age 5 most parents would want to stay. At that age, I found chatting to parents at parties a good way to get to know the other parents - more time to chat than at the school gates. It’s also useful for the hosts to have more people around to keep an eye on the kids, especially if it’s an all-class party.

It's been a while since DS was reception, but I am fairly sure that most parents stayed at that age. But if you were happy to leave your DC and knew they would be fine, then that's OK.

I doubt they all decided together; individually they did and then ended up chatting.

Who are you annoyed with, and why?

If the invitation said it was drop and go, you made your choice.

However at only 5 I would have stayed.

At that age I wouldn't have done a drop and go even if it was advised on the invite.

I wouldn't drop and leave the children at that age, and it was a bit unusual of the party parent to state that on the invite. In that position I would have quietly clarified with the parent that it was ok for.me to stay anyway. Others might have been hesitant to leave and relieved when others stayed and just hung around themselves. Others, like you, would have thought it was great and took the opportunity for a child free hour. I don't think anybody is wrong.

As pp said, has this maybe tapped in to "being left out" feelings at an unexpected point which has annoyed you? I understand the "left out of a group" feelings, I really really do! Sorry if that's missed mark.

It's not usually drop and go at that young age. Fine that you left but also fine that they stayed. I'm sure there was no conspiracy

You wanted to go and do other things, you went and did other things. They didn’t. I really can’t see the problem.

I wouldn’t have dropped and gone in reception for a village hall type party.

For all you know, the host was annoyed as the hall was overcrowded!

I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel left out. (It seems like that's what this is)
But no one did anything wrong either

Thanks everyone. I think im annoyed as I did have doubts about leaving her but assumed since it was on the invite I should leave for a bit. Then returning and seeing everyone there made me feel like a bad parent and also left out of the parents group. Just feel the option shouldn't have been put down

At that age I would have told the parent that I'd have to stay. Both my kids would worry about going to the toilet and missing the fun and I'd need to prompt them. They also were quite funny about party food too. Other parents are probably just similar.

I think that's understandable op. No one did anything wrong that I can see, except maybe the party parent who probably caused stress/concern in more than just your household for no apparent reason. Be glad that you care enough to worry about it, but are relaxed enough not to let your anxieties get in the way of your DC's fun and growing independence. x

Sorry but me neither, not at that age. Each to their own but that feels a bit young to leave them (for me personally)

Thanks as I have said in my other message, I did have doubts leaving her but as shes my first I wasn't sure if it was just expected as it was put on the invite. I do now regret it and feel bad that she was without a parent and also that I acted differently to everyone else.

Don't worry, you haven't done anything terrible and you can just change approach going forwards

Who was specifically watching your child to make sure they didn't wander out of the hall and into the car park?

I wouldn't have left my DC in an open, public setting workout being assured that someone (and not the party host) was keeping an eye on them.

I'm not saying you were wrong (the invite said drop and go), but I would probably have asked to stay or declined the invite unless another mum was looking out for my child.

I've hosted a drop and go party at this age and some parents just stay, hardly say okay bugger off now. I didn't really know any of them but ones who stayed are all close knit. I think you are overthinking it. I'm sure the host would have rather everyone left if it was stated on the invite.

No harm done and you'll do differently next time in similar circumstances. You make decisions for your child's safety, not other people, so don't be pressured into leaving them if you don't feel comfortable just because you think it's "expected".

Yes think is what is annoying me, I went against my better judgement. There have actually been other drop and gos for the year in soft plays but I stayed but this is the first the invite specified it was a drop and go so I went against my judgement. Moving forward I'll just stay with her