My mother married a man around 15 years ago. They met online and he's from a different country. One where women aren't seen as equal.
I didn't like the man from the outset and believed he was after a visa and the chance to work and earn decent money as work is scarce in his country and wages are terrible.
Anyway, they're still together 15 years later so maybe I was wrong.
What I struggle with is in my mind, my mum has always put this man first, believed his work and excused his behaviour. Examples are;
he spat on a woman for bumping in to him at a lights crossing. It was actually him who wasn't watching where he was going. I called him out on this and he wasn't happy.
I lived with my mum as a young adult when he first came to live with us. My mum and I had very little money and couldn't buy the nicer groceries. We made do. When he arrived he was insistent that he only liked the more expensive, branded items. My mum then insisted he have those. He wasn't working at the time and for all my life I have gone without, even wearing threadbare trainers and having second hand toys. He came along and my mum paid for everything nice for him without a second thought.
He barely says a word to me unless it's to prove me wrong on something or tell me he doesn't like my pets (sounds pathetic, I know). I have tried making conversations on so many occasions to be met with complete silence or one word answers. He doesn't make an effort. Even on my birthday he didn't say a word. He never thanks me if I've paid to take them for a meal or a night away.
Anyway, I was alone with him for a short time recently and was making small talk. Again, one word answers, or silence at some questions. I was being really friendly and they were simple questions about what he'd been doing etc.
My mum knows he doesn't answer me and brings it up with him but always in a jokey way or says he doesn't speak much to her neither. If I ever talk about any of his shortcomings, she gets aggressively defensive.
He's lazy. He works now and has done for some time but he doesn't help with housework or cooking. Not even when my mum was very ill.
I feel very angry towards my mum for letting him behave so ignorantly towards me and I can't seem to let go of that. She doesn't mind his behaviour so I should just let go of it, right, and see my mum when she's alone? I struggle to let go of how she can justify how he is and also how she seemed to put him first. Is there any way I can stop the anger? I wanted to punch him (joking!) when he didn't answer me.