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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not many parents seem to suggest home play dates

26 replies

whatuth · 27/07/2024 12:34

My DD has been attending preschool, most of her class is staying on for reception, which starts in September.

Lots of play dates being organised through the year. I have noticed people don't suggest hosting play dates, ever really. There's only been one invitation so far. I have a little one who's 2 and a husband who works away a lot, so sometimes I also have my 2 year old to look after. I feel that for me, in those circumstances it's just easier to invite people to my place but I feel awkward because no one ever suggests their place. Of course I don't expect to take my two year old to their home too. It's not really about that.

It's more just that it's easier for me to host when I have both kids. The only other person who's ever suggested to host is a mum who also has a younger child. Everyone else doesn't have a younger child.

I don't mind doing play dates at the park or playground sometimes but even when I don't have my two year old as well, I do get pretty tired and stressed out if it's somewhere I haven't been before. I suffer from health problems and if I'm not having a good energy day, it's tough for me to go somewhere new with my DD. I also get anxious in those massive soft plays where you can't see your child. I end up having to climb in after her and just tiring myself out massively.

I don't mind going to smaller soft plays or parks I'm familiar with, but again, only if I don't have my younger one with me and I'm having a good day, I have a big house with big garden and all the garden toys you could want. AIBU to just prefer to invite people ? I don't expect an invite in return as I don't mind hosting at all. However I do just feel awkward as people just don't ever suggest it.

At the beginning I thought people were cautious because we weren't familiar with each other but we really do see each other regularly now so I don't think it's that. I think people also don't want to host, which I understand, but I do worry that they think it's not appropriate for me to suggest home play dates and that I'm weird or something. Am I overthinking it ?

OP posts:

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/07/2024 12:36

I’d rather go to soft play or a park personally as I’d feel like I’d have to have my home show room ready ( for it then to be destroyed) so I think a playground or soft play is easier and less stress

minipie · 27/07/2024 12:37

I expect they prefer to suggest somewhere “out” for their own reasons - eg they don’t have much space at home, partner wfh, they don’t want mess in their house or think their home is too messy, their kid doesn’t behave well at playdates in their home (mine was like this), etc.

It doesn’t mean they have any issue with playdates at your house.

Nursemumma92 · 27/07/2024 12:37

I would say a lot of people prefer to meet up outside their homes to get their own kids out of the house. I know that's how I feel anyway! I have a 6 year old and an 18 month old and my younger one tears the place apart if we are at home all day.

If another friend offers to host a playdate though that doesn't put me off, so there is no reason why you can't host if that suits you.

Champere · 27/07/2024 12:38

I prefer not to host at home unless I know them well. Most children trash the place and are incapable of playing in one area of the house. We end up with exhausted and frustrated children and an hours worth of tidying up afterwards.

It’s not much fun for the host.

Original poster

whatuth · 27/07/2024 12:39

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/07/2024 12:36

Definitely true. Would you think it was inappropriate for me to suggest my house? I should maybe just explain and say, is it ok if we do it at my house this time as I also have my little one? Don't worry about having to host the next one or anything.. or is that also just silly? I really do get it that people don't want to host, but for me it is often easier.

OP posts:

Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange · 27/07/2024 12:41

There are so many reasons I prefer to meet outside my house- I don’t have to clean and tidy up, I don’t have to worry about getting snacks / lunch in, I don’t have to clear up a whole house after it’s been ransacked, you don’t have to referee awkward arguments about toys, my partner works from home and I don’t have to worry about them running round the house making so much noise. It also means I get out too so don’t feel like I’m going stir crazy (SAHM!). It used to be more doable when they were toddlers / babies and we had less stuff and more space but it’s just too time consuming with all the clearing up before and after!

LlynTegid · 27/07/2024 12:41

I am not surprised with the response you are getting.

Just read any of the threads about parents who will never accept their child does something wrong.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 27/07/2024 12:42

Yes you are overthinking it! Just invite them if it suits you, it’s not weird and they can always say no.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/07/2024 12:42

whatuth · 27/07/2024 12:39

Show quote history

Absolutely not inappropriate if that is what suits you best the same way it’s not inappropriate if the other person prefers out of their house. I wouldn’t say no if you offered a play date at your house but it does feel more stressful in general as I’d worry my cyclone toddler would do something or rub food in furniture

EmoCourt · 27/07/2024 12:49

You do what suits you. Other people prefer to do out of the house things. As long as you’re ok with home play dates either not being reciprocated or reciprocated by park play dates, surely there’s no issue? Just say exactly what you’ve said here — that you prefer having other children at your house because you’re also dealing with a younger child, and it’s easier.

goldenlloyd · 27/07/2024 12:50

I'd love to feel comfortable inviting people round for play dates but am very embarrassed by my house, it's a doer-upper in an awful state. I'd definitely be judged on it and wouldn't want DCs to be either.

I too thought there would be more play dates, going for tea after school etc like in our day and I've worried I'm failing DCs by not making better connections to facilitate this.

MacDonaldandHobNobs · 27/07/2024 12:52

Don't forget, if it gets too much you can cut the play date short if necessary!

Getting people out of your home if it's gone wrong is much harder and less diplomatic.

Bushmillsbabe · 27/07/2024 12:55

I'm like you, I prefer to have people over, we have a lovely garden, toilets/drinks/ice pops easily accessible. Our home is definitely not a show home, so I don't get worried about them messing it up. But many of my children's friends live in flats, so it's harder for them to host, so we are the default hosts, but they always bring drinks/snacks etc.

NuffSaidSam · 27/07/2024 12:58

You're massively overthinking it.

They suggest the park because it's easier/better for them or because it doesn't limit numbers.

If your house is easier/better for you then do that.

Boogiemam · 27/07/2024 13:03

No one at our nursery ever does play dates. Or not with us nayway. Park or home. My little one has no one to play with. No matter how many parents and toddler groups I've attended, how many friends have kids etc we just never get invited anywhere. Or we get a group invite to somewhere we can't get to. I'd love to have a simple park playdate 😔

Calphurnia6 · 27/07/2024 13:05

My son is the same age.

I prefer not to host playdates because my house isn't massive or set up for multiple small children. My son also prefers being out and about.

That said, I would have no issue with another parent saying they wanted to host a play date at their house.

Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange · 27/07/2024 13:07

I’m also embarrassed about my house as it’s a project and half done and I have high anxiety of people seeing it in such a state! But def wouldn’t mind going to someone else’s house if they offered. I do make sure I’m a good guest though and we clear up before we leave!

If I had a beautiful home and garden, and my partner wasn’t wfh full time I would have people over a lot more and probably enjoy it!

MulberryBushRoundabout · 27/07/2024 13:08

I also much prefer hosting. Kids can get on with playing, I can sit on a comfortable chair and have a coffee, without worrying that I’m going to lose one (toddler is a runner and will not stay in the toddler section of any park/softplay). But I can totally understand why some people would prefer not to host at home.

Honestly, I think you’re over thinking it. Organise play dates which work for you, other people will organise play dates which work for them.

Bushmillsbabe · 27/07/2024 13:14

Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange · 27/07/2024 13:07

If I had a beautiful home and garden, and my partner wasn’t wfh full time I would have people over a lot more and probably enjoy it!

Edited

This is so important. If it's someone's house you go round fairly often, it's rude not to offer to tidy up/wash up/help get children drinks
I never forget the parent who said to me 'my Freddie has been waiting for a drink for ages', then when given a drunk, spilled it and the parent didn't make any moves to try to clean it up. They did not get invited again. My friends with younger children know if they come round for playdates, they help themself to drinks for them and their children, I have a bowl of snack packs out for the children to help themself to. My oldest at 8 knows she needs to get her friends drinks etc and they all know to tidy up after themself.

FrogletandMe · 28/07/2024 10:48

I have a 10 year old. He has only been to a couple of friends' houses a few times. He is well liked. It's just, as you say, less home-based stuff these days, and much more "events" and venues outside the home.

Definitely different to when I was a child.

jaerain · 28/07/2024 10:56

I prefer not to host play dates in my home as I don't like people judging my home and I'd rather not risk damage to my dcs toys and furniture. I have a 2yo but I always prefer to go out. My dcs like going out to places too, it's just more interesting than being stuck at home.

I don't like accepting play dates in someone's home as I know I'd have to reciprocate at some point, it's just easier to stick to park/soft play etc.

FrogletandMe · 28/07/2024 11:02

When I was a child my parents gave me a home-based birthday party...The whole class (30 children) plus a couple of neighbours' kids were invited to our fairly small 3 bed house. I had a summer birthday, and we had a magician entertaining us in the back garden. But still, I can't imagine doing the same!

Kizzy192 · 28/07/2024 11:14

You're over thinking it! ...I don't invite to mine often because I feel I have to tidy/clean, we have a puppy which adds to the stress, I cba to make food for other people, we don't have masses of room, and my husband wfh (altho is far enough away not to hear too much chaos). I'd be absolutely happy to go to another mums tho, esp if they have decent coffee! I avoid soft plays, absolutely hate them as I have an 8m old and a 3y who is too short to really go it alone. We do cafe dates most of the time which ofc have their own stresses and are £££. Just ask! It's not weird at all.

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/07/2024 11:26

Personally I would rather be out of home than at home because I get quite claustrophobic if I stay in all day and I think fresh air is important for young kids. You also have to remember people will have personal reasons why they may not want acquaintances in their home (such as lack of space).

But it’s a you do you thing. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with inviting people to your house if that’s what you prefer.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 28/07/2024 14:36

If you prefer to meet in your home just invite people to your home!

After I had a group of mum's in my home who sat back while their little darlings destroyed it, I vowed to only ever meet outside the home again.

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