FIL broke my lawn mower

[Unknown987]

My FIL rang me a few days ago several times, I was out and answered the 4th call - he asked if I was home I said no I had just left as out with kids. He said to tell him when he's home so he can collect our lawn mower.
i returned few hours later and told him I was home he came and collected.
found out through SIL few hours later he had broken it.

I messaged him teasing him saying I hear you're going to buy me a new mower. He just told me the blade needs replacing and B&Q can replace. I replied please don't make me chase you to fix this (he is notoriously lazy) as we have grass that needs cutting next weekend.

The next day I see ILS in person and the last mower is discussed with SIL myself and FIL. FIL
initially says MIL will replace it (I say no it should be you surely as they have somewhat seperate finances)
fil tells me to get my husband to buy a replacement. I say no it should be you as me or husband is the same thing. He said whenever he broke things as a child I replaced it. I said no it should be you (for me it's the principle, if it was offered initially without me getting involved I would have refused it and replaced it myself we have the money it's more the principle of borrowing without asking and no accountability whatsoever ever in anything. ) in any case I left and shortly after I recieved a WhatsApp message with the pictures of the new lawmower saying I will have the replacement tomrow.

my SIL has told me he is upset with me in how I spoke to him and shocked how I expected him to replace it. I expect there was some rudeness from my part but it's from a place of annoyance, frustration and genuine anger at the things my FIL has previously done regarding money with my husband and the general lack of taking responsibility.
i would say the shock comes from the fact I am genuinely a giver and always taking things and treating my in-laws and and generous in nature but it stings to hear that when I actually speak up on principle my FIL says he didn't like the way I spoke to him and I guess that's why he ordered the replacement.
i feel embarrassed that he thinks that and my husband is of the thinking I shouldn't have asked him to replace it he would have. But he told me this after it had happened.
AIBU or my FIL?
I feel like I have ruined my relationship with him. I think some of this is to do with culture too where the DIL is expected to oblige and the son should always provide for the parents.
i don't disagree but I do think someone should speak up. But now I think it has cost me how they view me.

any advice?

Urgh, I hate people that dont sort their own shit out. My mil once apologised for my fil because he made a disgustingly rude comment about my dmum. He's a ridiculous man child, but also adored by mil and sil who think the sun shines out of the arse that he has his head shoved. Think short angry man who was in the army and misses the control....

You were right, he's sensitive and can't handle being told how to act like an adult

@Unknown987 I wouldnt be lending him or allowing him to borrow anything again!! why does he not have his own lawn mower anyway???

Don't and don't cave, this is your FIL's fault not yours. He broke it he either has it fixed or replaces it. He's the problem not you.

There you go, be more like her and take no crap.

OP Mil does do some childcare on a regular basis.

If you value this then maybe it's not worth worrying about this. It's all too confrontational.

He borrowed your item and broke it. He should have repaired/replaced it immediately without asking. You were rather abrupt but with reason as he was quibbling, trying to foist cost onto his wife and complaining about husband’s breakages as a child??! Guy is a tool. Stop flogging yourself and move on.

Stop second guessing your actions. He doesn't treat you with respect because he thinks you are too generous in nature. Maybe now he will think again in the future because you spoke up this time.

Can you read?

Well this is interesting OP! Perhaps now he'll be scared of you too, and you won't have to deal with him doing stuff like this in the future.

Except I'm a DIL not DD.

Update for those of you interested. Fil ordered a new one For both him and me - he keeps trying to say in each gathering how I told him off and he got scared and made him buy him a new lawnmower but no1 really pays him any heed. I feel like he respects me that little bit more now. I think. lol

You shouldn't lend people stuff if you want it back in one piece.

Opinions on how you should behave if you break something when you borrow it appear to differ significantly (and probably are also dependent on who is doing the breaking and lending).

Some people seem to think it is OK to return things in a shit state and not working, and that returning something wrecked is not a big deal.

Others would never dream of returning something broken.

Good to see a resolution 👍

Definitely your FIL's responsibility but a new mower seems extreme.
Replacing the blade is a 5 minute job once you have a new blade and the garden centres all sell them. I've done ours/mine a couple of times, the first time I put it on upside down and when I switched it on it jammed solid, I eventually took it down to the garage where they had an air gun for removing wheel nuts. Second time I couldn't shift the bolt holding it, down to the pub to ask around and discovered a man working from his garage who did it for me!

@Unknown987 just come across this post!! why is your hubby giving your inlaws and allowance??? If fil can go out and buy 2 lawnmowers then he obviously has enough money of his own without needing any of your husbands!!

oh well that's easy then. The repair cost is taken out of Fil's allowance....seriously.

good for you!!

Because they think it's his responsibility to provide for them financially. Even though they can pay their own way and yes have their own money and savings.

How old is this man? Sounds like a spoilt child. I would be mortified if I had broken someone’s property. Does he not have manners normally?

Your dh needs a slap with a wet fish imo. Funding adults? Bonkers.... Did you go into marriage knowing this?

in his 60's. I wouldn't say he lacks manners, just entitled really.

its a cultural thing. They expect. He gives. Otherwise he is not seen as a supportive/good son. Him giving a monthly allowance does not impact our financials. Otherwise it would not be happening.

Blooming good for you.

I think you should relish the reputation for being the scarey DIL that he's so afraid off. Relish it and laugh in disbelief when anyone says it. After all. He thinks the same thing about SIL doesn't he.

You sound from your post like you avoid giving offense at all costs and you said that you just said out loud what you were thinking. That's assertiveness right there!

He says you were "rude" because he didn't like you contradicting him. Boo Double Hoo. Your fairly mild comments that he broke it, he should pay for it were enough for him to run out and replace yours and buy his own so he would, as a complete victim, never have to ask you again.

Total RESULT!! Keep up the good work.

After years of putting up with CFuckery and still being told I was the bad guy, I have decided that I no longer care if people think I am rude. I know I'm just being direct.

It all sounds a bit messy. Why is sil involved , she was the one to tell you the lawnmower was broken and was then involved in the discussions about the replacement- why. I find it odd that when fil said mil would get a new lawnmower, you said no and stated fil needed to do it. It’s overstepping boundaries, sounds confrontational and if anything, you and fil sound like two peas in a pod.

Because mil would be spending out of her money and fil would just carry on saving his money. It's the principle for me. Why should my mil pick up the slack for my fil when she does all the running of the house and working post retirement because fil doesn't want to work ? It's complicated but it's not what I think is the right thing.