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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice needed please

8 replies

Amirightorjustcrazy · 26/07/2024 16:12

I need advice on what to do.
I'm either very unwell and delusional, or my instincts are strong, and I'm right. I have a close male friend who I suspect may be attracted to young girls. I will try to give some examples of why I am suspicious.
The first time I suspected something was when I was with another friend and her very young child. He saw my friends young daughter and began to stare, almost like he couldn't help himself. He seemed to be completely in awe of her. That made me feel a little uncomfortable. I tried to forget, but i couldn't. Since that situation, I have been hyper aware of how he behaves around young girls, observing if he behaves the same way around young boys, which he doesn't. What I've noticed is that he seems very uncomfortable and awkward around young children. What I find odd is that if we go swimming, for example, where there are lots of children, he seems absolutely fine, he doesn't look, he just gets on with his activities. But if we are out walking, or in the car, and he sees a young girl, he will specifically look. I've observed him doing this on a number of occasions. He never looks at young boys or elderly people. It's either women or young girls. I feel like I'm going crazy. I was abused as a young child, and so I don't know if this is the issue, I'm also a very paranoid person anyway. But what if my instincts are right? I don't get this feeling with any other male. Just to add, I have confronted him with my suspicions. He was seemingly annoyed at me, but he has said nothing since and still wants to remain friends? Surely that would make an innocent person run for the hills?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/07/2024 16:16

Crikey you confronted him, basically called him a child stalker and you all still want to be friends, that's a bit messed up

Amirightorjustcrazy · 26/07/2024 16:19

Hankunamatata · 26/07/2024 16:16

Crikey you confronted him, basically called him a child stalker and you all still want to be friends, that's a bit messed up

Great advice. So is that a yes I'm crazy?

OP posts:
Yellowflowerr · 26/07/2024 16:23

I’m not sure based on what you’ve said there’s much to go on, but surely if these are your suspicions why would you want to continue being friends?

Either you’re right and he is and presuming you wouldn’t want to be friends or

You’re wrong and he now knows what you think of him and you’ve permanently tarnished that relationship.

not sure what you want from this thread?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2024 16:27

I don't understand what you're looking for from any of us. You have only two reasonable options. You either continue to spend time with him or you don't. What else is there?

Amirightorjustcrazy · 26/07/2024 16:29

Yellowflowerr · 26/07/2024 16:23

I’m not sure based on what you’ve said there’s much to go on, but surely if these are your suspicions why would you want to continue being friends?

Either you’re right and he is and presuming you wouldn’t want to be friends or

You’re wrong and he now knows what you think of him and you’ve permanently tarnished that relationship.

not sure what you want from this thread?

I don't want to continue the friendship, but he has been my best friend since primary school, we are now in our late 30s. I have no proof only suspicions. My gut is telling me something. I'm literally going crazy wondering if I'm insane. I know I need to seek professional help.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/07/2024 18:06

Well cut him off and don't be friends

Imperrysmum · 26/07/2024 18:48

Im not sure based on this info. You may be experiencing confirmation bias.

Amirightorjustcrazy · 26/07/2024 19:04

Thanks for the replies.
I hate feeling this way, I feel like I'm crazy. I need to cut off friendship for everyone's sake.
I'm not sure why he didn't disown me when I brought up my suspicions.

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