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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has he cheated?

33 replies

Geysbagahq · 26/07/2024 02:41

My partner and I have a newborn baby so I am unsure if I aibu and my hormones are all over the place and making me paranoid?
I went on my partners instagram to look at my profile and make sure it is definitely on private as we don’t follow eachother and I have pictures of my children on there and wanted to make sure it was definitely private. I went on explore to type in my name and it was full of naked women, this made me really upset as I’ve not long had a baby and also at the beginning of our relationship he made it clear to me that neither of us was to watch porn or look at any explicit things online. I have respected this and never looked at anything online. I confronted him in the morning and he denied it all, I was very upset and told him to leave. I expected him to go and stay with a family member and try to sort things out with me. Instead he went to the pub and got very drunk, he lied to me and told me he was at his dad’s. We share our locations with eachother so I could see he was at the pub. I phoned him later on and he answered the call outside and when he went back into the pub he put me on silent for a couple of minutes which I found very suspicious. He did not come home for a couple of nights but when he did come home he was very drunk because he had been drinking the whole time and enjoying himself. The day after he was back we had sex and he was doing new things that he had never done before. I can’t stop thinking that he has cheated and that’s where all these new things have come from. Am I just hormonal and thinking too much? I have caught him out many times lying but never cheating etc. he says he would never cheat on me but now I am unsure. Also I was crying on the phone and very upset, he did not care and was clearly enjoying how upset he was making me.

OP posts:
Geysbagahq · 27/07/2024 01:23

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 26/07/2024 13:26

So even if he hasn't cheated you're fine with everything else here?

No im not, im very upset about everything he has done

OP posts:
Geysbagahq · 27/07/2024 01:24

newleafontheplantjohn · 26/07/2024 13:45

Have you posted about something similar lately?

The tatoo of the ex's name that he now claims isn't the ex's name sounds familiar.

Cant remember what thread it was though.

No this is my first time posting on here. I’ve not seen that thread.

OP posts:
Geysbagahq · 27/07/2024 01:27

2sisters · 26/07/2024 14:11

He's hypercritical. He will leave you if your looking at exploit things but he can do it. He's a liar and lies over and over again. Frankly, he's a shit partner and an even shiter dad if he's fucking off on benders for days.

But, he went on a several day bender, came home drunk and your response was to fuck him. What did that teach him?

Now he's threatening you, that if you argue with him, he'll be off on another bender. So basically he's on top of all his other faults and abusive prick who expects you to walk on eggshells and toe the lie.

I understand you want to keep your family together but you should do that at your expense on the expense of your child. The benefits need to outweigh the negative and frankly I don't see it.

I know I feel like such an idiot for sleeping with him when he got back. I have thought to myself how that would have looked for him, he can go off for days drinking and then get sex when he gets back. Stupid mistake. I’m seriously thinking about my next move when baby is a little bigger and easier for me to sort my life out.

OP posts:
Geysbagahq · 27/07/2024 01:28

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2024 14:20

It would completely destroy me if he ever hurt me like that.

Op, you don't have the luxury of being destroyed. You have a child now and you have to keep it together for them. Don't ever allow some stupid man to ruin your life. That's just ridiculous. If you don't trust him, get rid of him. If he abuses you and treats you terribly, get rid of him. You don't need him, you really don't.

You are completely right.

OP posts:
Geysbagahq · 27/07/2024 01:29

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/07/2024 15:11

This. He’s a loser, regardless of whether or not he has cheated on you. You need to find some self respect. Losing him won’t destroy you at all, it could be the making of you. I guarantee you can do better than this pathetic man.

Get yourself back to full strength, get yourself together and get rid of him. You owe it to yourself and your baby.

You are right. Thank you

OP posts:
Geysbagahq · 27/07/2024 01:31

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 26/07/2024 15:31

I agree OP with all the pp who have said that regardless of whether he cheated his behaviour is such that you would be much better off without him.

However, on the specifice point of whether he has cheated. The fact he lied about where he was staying and you really have no idea where he was or who with , what totally convinces me is the difference in the sex. When I met my first husband we were both students and for the first university holiday he went to his home city and I went to my home town. When we met up again I knew as soon as we had sex that he had been with someone else. The different things he wanted to do. The fact he was more confident. I just knew. And when I told him I knew he confessed he'd been with someone else. More fool me I went on and married him.
But I think if that's the gut feeling you are getting OP I'd believe it. Especially with all the other things that indicate it.

Edited

Oh wow yes I really do think he has, these new things aren’t just random, they have come from somewhere and funnily enough it’s when he’s been away for days drinking. I am going with my gut and it says he has.

OP posts:
PowerVandhana1986 · 27/07/2024 01:40

Work it out.

Tonycx · 12/01/2025 04:29

He might just be over indulgent on porn, as for being out for two nights he may be hiding cocaine use which results in guys talking shit for days in a mates kitchen. Don’t assume the worst you’ll drive yourself mad. He’s probably just sexually frustrated and misses your connection physically

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