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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Emotionally Immature mother ?

3 replies

Happybeans · 25/07/2024 22:26

Long story short- at the start of the year I decided to go nc with my father due to him being a raging narcissist and historically him and I clashing. When he started the behaviour on my own children whist in his and my mothers care(mother enabling this behaviour) enough was enough. Children were upset, not wanting to go there. It was affecting my mental health and my relationship with my husband as it was often the root of any arguments we had.
I said my mother could come to us (2 mins up the road) to see us and her grandchildren if she wanted and she was welcome.
basically she does not visit, drops birthday cards in thru the letterbox, and blames me (via letter) for taking the children away from her and creating a ‘house of horrors’ that the children don’t want to visit. Blaming my fathers behaviour on him having been unwell. He’s fallen out with and no with every member of his family over the years, everyone.
I’m not budging as I need to know my children are safe wherever they go and I wasn’t happy with them going there anymore.
I suppose I’m after reassurance that I’m not the arsehole in this. Seeing a very different, emotionally immature side to my mother that is only further creating a void. Aibu?

OP posts:
Crispsandcola · 25/07/2024 22:32

I'm so sorry you are being put through this OP, this must be so hard on you. You are absolutely in the right here. It sounds like your DM is more than just a helpless bystander and You need to protect your children and yourself.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2024 22:44

Your mother is so lost in the FOG she will probably never find her way out. Her entire identity is being subservient to your father and defensive of his shit behaviour. She has undoubtedly been gaslit every which way but loose by your father, and she probably can't even fathom acting out against him. The consequences would be dire if she did, I'm sure. A lesson she probably learned a very long time ago. She probably is emotionally immature, but she's definitely a victim of abuse. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

Smoothie23 · 26/07/2024 00:22

Can you elaborate a bit more why you put raging and narcissist together? What do you base his NPD diagnose?

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