DH and DS making fun of me

[BubblegumBubblegum]

Name changed for this. So a couple of months ago DH began to make fun and mock me t
in front of DS. He used a “hillbilly” accent with a dopey/brainless laugh to describe my daily activities - eg …I’m (insert name) and I’m (insert activity) He would lay the accent on thick with a stupid laugh at the end basically insinuating that I am of sub par intelligence. DS found it hilarious. I tried to laugh along with them until it felt too personal and I felt like the “joke” had gone too far. It felt like I was being mocked and bullied.

Eventually DH stopped after I told him he was going too far. However, DS continues to mock and use a made up (insulting) word that him and DH made up for me. DS comes up to me and whispers it in my ear and says it continuously.

For context DS is on the spectrum and gets fixated on saying certain things, even if they are rude or mean.

DS says that DH still makes fun of me when it’s just the two of them 🙄

I am making a plan to leave DH after emotional abuse/verbal abuse but he doesn’t see that he’s done anything wrong.

You’re not being unreasonable and I’d continue to do what you’re doing - plan your exit and then leave.

Your DH knows he's done wrong. He just isn't telling you that. He found a way to abuse you that included your child is all. Changed tactics. Keep going with your plans to leave, this will only get more insidious.

Thank you, I’m carrying on with my plans to leave. DS was particularly mean this morning calling me the names that DH had made up. DH told him not to say that and I told him how it was his fault that he made them up in the first place.

He said he was sick of me holding that over his head and that I focus on the bad stuff he does and not all he does for the family etc.

No decent person does this to another. It sounds like this could be the tip of the iceberg.

I'm glad to hear you're leaving. I wouldn't wait tho, just do it. There's never a good time, or the right time. Waiting for either of those ties you to this man day after day, which turn into weeks, months and years.

There is a life full of joy out there waiting for you once you're free. It might not feel like it in the early days, but it is there. Go and get it.

This sounds like the straw that broke the camels back.

what age is your son? Is he your only child?

definitely makes plans for your exit.

Hes not only abused you but he is abusing your child by interfering with his right and ability to have a loving relationship with his mother, especially given his neurodiversity.

My son is 12 and I do have a younger 7 year old (ASD non verbal)

This was one of many straws but definitely added to my making a plan to leave. The worst thing is DH sees no problem with how he behaves. I hold it over him apparently and don’t appreciate the good stuff 🙄

How old is DS?

What will the living situation be for you all when you're ready to go?

I think he exploited a vulnerable child to bully their mum.
I think he played the child off against his mum.
Sometimes the bully seems the safer bet to align with in abusive situations because it reduces your risk of being targeted.
I think this is called triangulation.

DS is 12. I’m looking to move out and into my own place when the schools start back, ideally we will co-parent and make the transition as easy as possible for the kids.

So both children have ASD?

I think it’s in your best interests to leave. Lord knows how he’ll manipulate them both as they get older

The youngest is diagnosed and the oldest is on the pathway for an ASD or ADHD diagnosis. He can’t manipulate the youngest but the oldest does fixate on certain words and gets stuck repeating certain phrases etc.

You are right!

You are married to a bully but you've recognised that and I'm glad you're planning to leave. Will you manage financially and do you have other family that will help and support you?

I have worked out what I’m entitled to alongside working and I think I will manage okay especially with CM. I doubt he will have the kids 50% of the time as he works nights/shift work so not sure how he would do that. I don’t have a huge amount of support but I still have my parents who adore the kids.

Ignore the prick and don't bother trying to understand why he would choose to abuse the mother of his child. This is ALL him, nothing about you. The abuse is spreading to him getting your son to be abusive too, so leaving him asap is the 100% right thing to do. So sorry you are going through this, but life will get monumentally better, fast, when you him and his shit talking out of your life.