Pros and cons of being in a relationship with a psychologist

[Tothemotherland]

I’ve met a psychologist I really like. I want to know what those of you who are in a relationship with a psychologist experience.

I realise that they are humans at home at the end of the day, just like everyone else, but what might be the wins or the difficulties of being with someone like this?

If they work in the NHS they'll be very stressed

They work in private practice.

If they've had a lot of therapy as part of their training they stand a chance of being more self aware than the average person. Better able to communicate in spite of big emotions, better able to cut through to the heart of a problem, less potential for heated rows, more able to take responsibility for their own flaws, less defensive, more curious as to why and where behaviours come from, less judgemental.

But people use the term phycologist to cover a number of careers and training modes, so difficult to say! I've known some mental health professionals who are full of woo!

Like you said, they're human. They can't read your mind! But they might interpret what to do and say whether or not they share that with you!

My dad was an educational psychologist. I have no idea whether my mum found anything directly connected with his job annoying, but we as kids found it annoying when he used some kind of psychological terminology to tell us off. "Is your life so empty that you feel the need to do such-and-such?" instead of "Don't do such-and-such," that sort of thing. He didn't do it all the time, but when he did, we'd roll our eyes at each other. I've never had one of those horrible moments when I realised I was turning into my mum, but I had one doozy of a turning-into-my-dad one when DS1 was a tiny baby causing us massive sleep deprivation, and DH chose to get up and interact with him in a friendly way one night when he was failing to settle. I heard myself say, "Why are you rewarding him for being such a pain?"

But of course as an adult you can decide whether you want to be with someone who behaves like that, if indeed they do behave like that. You might even be able to sit down with them and discuss it rationally - they'll presumably love it if you use the "when you do X I feel Y because Z" construction.

As a current educational psychologist might I assure you that no modern ed psych would ever advocate for withdrawal of affection of a tiny baby.

OP, I am an ed psych and I probably am a bit annoying as a partner re parenting, because I don't allow labelling of people, just behaviour (that is very silly behaviour rather than you are a very silly boy) and I make everyone apologise to each other and consider the impact of their behaviour, and I found it quite hard to be angry with my kids as I could always see why they were behaving in certain ways (tired, stressed, poorly, expectations too high etc) and I daresay my DH felt a bit invalidated in his parenting at times. However we have weathered those storms and have very lovely almost grown up kids who are kind, thoughtful, emotionally regulated and helpful so I guess he feels ok about it now.

I instantly thought of the Friends episode when Pheobe dates one! Sorry nothing valid to add beyond this!

I'd guess there's less scope for their partner (you) to act irrationally. I'd find that hard when I'm hormonal and just want to strop. I'd hate them calling me out or wanting me to talk about the reasons why.

I'd imagine they may have a bit of a superiority complex, given they're always in the rescuer position and, otherwise pretty high achievers.

Pros and cons I'd imagine. Just make sure they're genuine and sincere with good intentions (and not control freaks).

Like everyone else on the planet - you’ll get lots of psychologists who are lovely people who’ve worked through their baggage, and you’ll get the few who slip through who are massive ego trippers.