Friend saying she misses me.

[heartbreakandegos]

I haven’t seen my friend at all this year and we live in the same city and are 15/20 minutes drive from each other.

She has messaged to say she “misses me” about 4 times and I’ll suggest why don’t we meet up on xyz and she can never do it but she never suggests an alternative date - even for just having dinner at my house. I’ve even said “what date works best for you” and she’ll say I’ll check and then doesn’t follow up.

If she’s decided she no longer wants to be friends or see me then fine but aibu to think don’t text me saying you miss me - because clearly she doesn’t.

(For reference she’s gone out with other friends and posts it on social media so it’s not a financial thing)

I had one of these " friends". Every month I'd receive the generic ' must meet up soon, really miss you ' texts, but despite my best efforts to firm up a suitable date ( convenient to her), I'd get nothing back - either no reply at all, or a 'I can't do then 'but with no suggestion of an alternative date. On the rare occasion she'd agree on an actual date, nine times out of ten she'd then cancel at short notice with excuses ranging from sick children, to cars breaking down to tiredness! Things happen like this, absolutely fine, but the red flag being she'd never then suggest another date so the cycle continued...but Funnily enough, these events never seemed to crop up when she went out with others or went on her multiple holidays. looking back I was such a mug, I genuinely believed she was a real friend and I sucked up her excuses whilst somehow, feeling guilty for feeling cross at her. This person is not your friend OP - if she really wanted to see you, she'd make the effort/ find the time. You're just a contact in her address book who she checks in with occasionally to keep you on the hook and to remind herself how many ' friends'she has!

Yeah .. I am slowly coming to the realisation that I’m the backup friend. Doesn’t want to see me BUT she’ll send a text to keep me “sweet” just in case she does need me.

Next time she messages saying she misses you, just respond with a ❤️ and don't engage, don't even bother to type out an actual message. She doesn't see you as a proper friend, so why bother? If she wanted to see you, she would.

I had a mate like this. Always called me in a crisis or whenever they wanted something.

I’ve just slowly backed away and made myself less available. When they do contact I can usually hazard a guess about what they want, so I just avoid the topic so they can’t ask for whatever favour/thing they need. Usually they then sod off again.

Exactly or; "Me too" and then just leave it. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

Depending on how irritable I was feeling on receiving one of these messages I might be tempted to say "For fuck's sake, you send these texts saying you miss me but cannot be bothered actually meeting up when I suggest it so either make a plan to meet or stop sending pointless texts."

The texts are just a guilty conscience, and she's salving her conscience by acknowledging you. I'd just ignore her messages from now on, and allow her to drift off.

Yes I agree keep it short and sweet. Had few of these friends too. I actually told one I dont suggest things now as people dont commit. She replied yeh people weird after covid. Lol. I keep her to minimum texts now....

ha, I was just on another thread talking about this. She's not your friend. I would bin her. She just likes the idea of being your friend, but doesn't want to be.

This is true, I believe she’s single right now but she definitely used me a lot to talk about her then relationship.