Colleague spreading rumours

[pearlsanddaisies]

We had an away day as team (hardly away as it was 20 minutes from the office). On the way there I got into a car accident, the driver went through a red light. No one was hurt, but my car couldn’t be driven and I was shaken up.

I rang my manger and couldn’t get through to him. I then rang a colleague (Sarah) who I’m on friendly terms with and told her and asked her to please pass the message on but I would continue to try and reach him. All good, spoke with manager.

It’s no secret to some colleagues, I don’t like my job and it does make me unhappy. I returned to work the next day and a different colleague told me that Sarah had told her that I’d potentially crashed my car on purpose because I didn’t want to attend the event.

Aibu to think this is a disgusting rumour to be spreading - that insinuates it’s either all made up or I purposely put myself and strangers lives at risk to get out of a work event???

Has this been taken out of context
Eg. "Bloody hell op crashed her car. Anything to get out of team building"

A joke perhaps?

Speak to her. See what she said

I don't see why you would automatically believe 'different colleague' who claims that a colleague you a friendly with said that. Far more likely that 'different colleague' is a liar and/or causing problems or, potentially, got the wrong end of the stick.

But TBH I doubt anyone would say that - mostly because it's incredibly insensitive and the sort of thing that would likely end up in a disciplinary. I'm more minded to believe that different colleague is trying to cause drama.

It’s not really a joking matter though is it? If someone’s had a car accident, my drivers side is completely crushed in and my neck is in agony today.

I know how she said it and she was insinuating I did it on purpose.

Knowing how expensive insurance is, I doubt many people get into car accidents on purpose just to pay a higher rate the followign year or potentially have the car totalled and die in the process.
Id defo vonfront her, like to see people squirm when they try to get out of a situation like this (and take it to HR to be super petty).

Pretty sure it would have been said tongue in cheek.

Obviously nobody crashes their car on purpose (even to avoid annoying team building events)

She spoke to you, so she knew you were safe and not in any danger. She was probably just joking around because that is what people tend to do in these situations. It’s not making light of your experience.

If you know her well enough to know she’s the sort of person to be accusatory rather than just messing about, then why are you friends with her? And why are you worrying about a rumour which is clearly insane? Nobody in their right mind is going to believe that you manufactured a potentially fatal car crash just to get out of team building. It’s laughable. She’s making herself look ridiculous.

If you believe she’s that malicious then distance yourself from her as much as you can. And if anyone else comes to you with it, roll your eyes and say ‘oh that’s just Sarah and her conspiracy theories again. I risked my life to get out of team building. Did she also mention that I was responsible for Covid, just so I could be furloughed?’

Good grief, I would take it as just a simple comment/joke no need to turn it into a saga

I think you are over reacting tbh. I was expecting rumours of a steamy affair. Its standard in my office to say stuff like that.

We say this all the time at work, it's the go to joke.

I am sorry you're upset though x

I know how she said it and she was insinuating I did it on purpose.

You can't possibly know how she said it because you weren't there! You didn't even know she had said it until someone else told you she had.

Sounds like a joke

Spreading rumours is a form of bullying. You can either:

1. ignore and shrug it off
2. speak to the colleague and ask for her side of the story then address it directly
3. report colleague to line manager
4. raise a grievance with HR

Each of these is a valid response. You need to decide which is the most appropriate for you. But I would check that the story is correct first before doing 2, 3 or 4.

Protesting a little too much. Did you crash your car on purpose? 🤔

How do you 'know how she said it'??
And if you make your unhappiness about work known, the people will be suspicious about absences

It might've been a joke. It is the type of thing people joke about, especially knowing you are okay. It's the kind of thing people say "she'll do anything to get out of these activity days" etc. I would not be at all surprised if it was a joke you arectaking out of context because you weren't there, didn't hear the tone or exactly what was said and are relying on what someone else said to make your assertion.

Your reaction suggests you think she is doing it in a malicious way: why would someone you are friendly with do that? Is that the type of person she is? Are you maybe being over sensitive because of the action? Maybe you actually felt relief about not doing the day?

I had an accident on the way to a work course. It could've been much worse, meant my car was towed, cost £1000s but I was a bit relieved too. Then felt guilty about it.

Another thing to consider is might she genuinely think you are depressed and could've done it on purpose thus be suggesting you might need help?

You're probably a bit oversensitive because you've been through something traumatic but I like others think it was said tounge in cheek.

If you've been letting people know that you hate your job, people are going to make jokes.

Also the colleague who told you sounds like a bit of a shit stirrer.

I hope you feel better. These accidents can shake us up more than we realise!

Surely no one at your work would believe you are stupid enough to crash your own car to get out of a team day, it's a bad taste joke. If you raise it as an issue about your colleague you are going to look rediculous, however if you hear your colleague repeating this you could just point out you are in pain and it was scary at the time.

Oh God. The people you work with are not your friends. Some of them will be very weird and stupid people who don't care about your feelings or your triggers, or sometimes even common decency. I remember once when I worked at a big office that we heard that a woman in another department had died over the weekend, and someone near me said 'anything to get out of coming to work today'.

"It’s no secret to some colleagues, I don’t like my job and it does make me unhappy. "

Why are you whinging like this to your colleagues? Honestly there's nothing more of a drain that someone who lets you know that they don't want to be there. .

You cannot seriously believe that a colleague really thought you’d crashed your car to get out of an away day (and 20 mins doesn’t matter, away is away).

I absolutely can believe that a particularly mean one would start a rumour to make a snide insinuation that the crash was completely made up.

But no-one is going to say (and no-one they say it to is going to believe) that you crashed your car on purpose.

It’s a very obvious tongue in cheek one-liner. I missed an important meeting when I was hospitalised from an allergic reaction - my manager told the whole team, “she could have just said no!”

I hope you recover quickly, and suggest you ping a photo of the car damage over to your manager in a chatty way to head off any shite that it was all a lie - but honestly, no one will think you didn’t it deliberately.

Years ago I worked for a company with multiple offices. We had one member of staff travel to another office for a week and whilst she was there she made it clear she didn't like it. On her second day she had a major stroke and ended up in hospital for months, initially in a coma. When she started to recover and was allowed visitors in hospital, me and my boss went to see her and joked about the lengths she went to to get out of working away that week. She took it in great humour (as most people would). It's a completely common and normal joke in offices. You need to calm down.

It’s not that deep op, nor is it a rumour. It’s just a flippant comment.

likely went something like this,

pearls can’t come she’d had a car accident.
ph is she ok, yes fine. Prob did it to get out of this nonsense.

I was reassured by the other comments- if I’d got into an accident on the way to work I’d be the one telling everyone (jokingly) that I’d done it to avoid going to work.
Maybe as one of the other commenters mentioned you’ve had a bit of trauma and so you’re more sensitive but if someone had an accident on the way to work, the next time I saw them and they were obviously fine I’d 100% say something along the lines of ‘heard you got into an accident to avoid this place’. I work in healthcare though and so we see what happens when car accidents are really bad so maybe we’re less sensitive to small accidents. I once fell down a flight of steps on my way into work and hit my head hard enough to end up in the A&E I work in with concussion, every single one of my colleagues that treated me or came to see me said ‘the things you’d do to get out of work’ while rolling their eyes… that’s just how people joke with each other when they work with each other

I think you are being a bit sensitive. No one would make this comment in a non joke way.

I’ll be honest. We have certain people that will do anything to get out off off-sites or certain events.
If one of them rung me to tell me they had crashed on the way. I’d probably roll my eyes and think, convenient. I wouldn’t believe they crashed on purpose but wouldn’t always believe it happened either.
We’ve had break downs, sickness, ill kids, parents etc every single time it’s the same people.