To leave

[emily1245]

DP and I split up for almost a year for various reasons. Mostly distance which is now easily fixed.

During the year, we never really stopped talking but he did talk to others. He said he flirted with them and talked, but nothing more.

I know how he flirts - and I'm struggling with this. Knowing he was excited/aroused by someone else, that he fancied someone else, all while he was telling me he loves me. I wonder if it went any further like naughty videos or whatever. He denies that and I try to trust him. I'm very insecure.

I don't excite him, I'm not his type at all, and our sex life was rubbish because of it. He denies that and says he fancies me but it's obvious he doesn't (think ED problems with me, but not with anyone his type)

I feel like I should leave, but he's so happy we're back together and I don't want to break his heart. I do love him and want to be with him, but if I can't move past this then I can't stay.

I'll drive him mad with this insecurity which makes me think it's best I leave.

He basically says I'm gorgeous and he fancies me but he doesn't show that. Nothing seems to excite him, he doesn't seem to want me like that, doesn't compliment me. I am certain he complimented them, probably a lot of sexual flirting and very excited by them.

AIBU?

Either he's only saying these things to you because there's no one else on the scene or he means it. Only you can judge. How do you know he only has ED with you?

But if you think he's lying then there's no future in the relationship because you don't trust him.

Did you see messages/video etc? You sound like your insecurities are taking you down a rabbit hole wondering about videos/messages?

Perhaps some help with your insecurities might be in order before you push your partner away.

I've asked him outright if he ever had ED issues before me and he said no. I'm the only person he's been with who's not his type. He likes emo brunettes. I'm a girly blonde. He likes skinny im curvy - you get the drift.

I am going down a rabbit hole wondering what happened - did he meet them? Video chat? Sext? Videos etc... did he fancy and want them but they rejected him?

I'm driving myself crazy and if I ask him, we will argue as he wants a fresh start and says he never liked anyone or talked to anyone "like that"

If you don’t beleive him then you’ve got to just let the relationship go, otherwise neither of you will be happy.

Have you thought about therapy?

different scenario but I was really stuck in a rut in terms of not being able to move past how I felt about a situation. I started some therapy and it’s really changed my mindset.

There are two main problems here. The first is your lack of sex life and ED and the second is your insecurity about the flirting.

I very much doubt your DP only has ED with you, it can happen at any time. He needs to get it investigated though as it can be due to health conditions. You also need to rebuild your intimacy and there are other things you can do physically while you get the ED sorted out.

The flirting is your insecurity and something you need to work on. You have no evidence he did anything but flirt so perhaps counselling to help you work through it.

I feel like I should leave, but he's so happy we're back together and I don't want to break his heart. I do love him and want to be with him, but if I can't move past this then I can't stay.

This is crazy thinking.

You're willing to sacrifice your own self and happiness for someone that you don't even believe is attracted to you? Madness OP!

The number one person you should be thinking about making happy is YOU. You should be the most important person to you.