Wedding Advice

[noweddingnocry]

Need some advice here .NC.

Been with partner 6 years,lots of ups and downs but I love him .
I have been married once before and he has been twice .

Moved in together quickly after meeting children now grown up and have own homes .

I had a house that he moved into and I owned a third.We got a mortgage for the other two thirds with the intention of paying this off together but I have always paid more /looked after majority of day to day expenses as have earned more .House has rocketed in value and his small contribution will net him over £130k profit if we sell.

He had a small flat which we tried to sell and to be honest I feel future faked ."when we sell it we will do this that and the other "

Fast forward 6 years /it had people staying in it on mates rates ,and decided to get proper BTL mortgage on it ,and just let it sit there .Released some equity and we got a joint mortgage on it .

Since this has gone through he has become obsessed about getting married .
This joint mortgage has benefitted him fat more than me and I am worried that getting married will disadvantage my children .

AIBU to stay single with a man who ,in all intents and purposes is my husband but I just feel wary ?

I would not get remarried if I had assets I wanted to leave my children.

Why on earth would you marry this man? Please, think about your children and what you want for them after you die. Don't become a cautionary tale for the rest of us by making stupid decisions.

Thank you so much for the replies -just confirms what I was thinking .

Six years in and 4 marriages between you why would you get married? Your children are grown up and you have your own assets and you have financial stability.

Quite frankly, he already has his arse in the butter with you paying more of the mortgage that he will benefit from. I get that you love him but using your own words 'in all intents and purposes my husband'

Do you know if he has profited off his previous marriages / divorces? I personally would say not to get married and write up a will for your kids. He has already benefited so don't fee like you need to give him more. Pull back a bit on things and see how he reacts x

For what reason would you be marrying him? I wouldn't in a month of Sundays, in your position. No.

"his small contribution will net him over £130k profit if we sell"

Is this prorated to his contribution to the mortgage thus far or 50% equity ?

I wonder is there a third and fair way through this assuming you don't want to get married but also don't want to implode your relationship? Do you have a tenants in common or similar agreement on the house or is it solely in your name?

Since I owned 1/3 before ,I have that plus 1/3 I had a mortgage on so 2/3
He has 1/3 .
My profit on our home has been £260k and to be fair I might not have stayed in there on my own when the kids left .

He did give me a portion of the equity which is left in the BTL and both properties are tenants in common .

Am actually surprised at myself ,as I am quite traditional and like being a "wife " and at one time I would just have been so happy that he was so persistent .

That said ,I thought I would be married for life first time around ,and that cost me £20k to get out of ,after his lying and cheating became apparent !

Not in the frame of mind to let hope triumph over experience !