To get upset re friends not replying

[Sunnyday12388]

Have noticed a shift after Covid, or maybe that’s just a coincidence re timing.
A couple of friends who I thought were really reliable just don’t reply to texts. Find it upsetting. There’s definitely been no problems or falling out or anything.
Im going to force myself to take ages to reply when they eventually do, and if they don’t then try to value myself enough not to continue to get over upset about it.
Just find it quite rude and need to stop thinking about it. After all, they clearly don’t value the friendship enough or aren’t bothered about it being upsetting.
Just had to kind of put this to paper as it were, as was feeling quite down about it today.
Anyone else had this in recent times?
Thanks for listening…..

Sometimes friendships just fizzle out. Covid affected so many people in different ways and reassessing friendships and relationships was a big part of it. Try not to dwell on it, moving on is a good idea.

There’s a similar thread on this today or last night! Might be in relationships though.

i am so deathly slow at replying to chit chat that people often end up following up, thinking I’ve forgotten. For me, texts take a lot of mental effort and also feel important, ie I can’t just brain dump (like this) but need to focus. I am happy having very slow conversations but replies may take up to a week or more unless it’s about making arrangements etc. Very happy with a call though. I used to get so worried about replying in a timely manner to texts that I’d force myself to do all my texts after getting the kids in bed (and not wind down properly), and also sometimes lay awake at night worrying about all the friends who were probably annoyed at me (indeed I have been dumped by a few friends over this)
I’ve had to decide for my own sanity just not to worry about it. Texting doesn’t come naturally to me - I prefer phone calls which everyone hates these days!
i definitely care about these friends though.
In case it’s helpful to hear another side

I'm crap at replying to texts. Doesn't mean I don't value a friendship. It just means I'm crap at texting.

Same, I can read a text then shit can take off at work or home and I can forget to reply.
It doesn't mean am not a good friend.
I actually think people who seem to think their friends cant have anything outside their life that doesn't centre them are worse. Mn seems to be full of people irate that they're not their friends priority!

I get hugely anxious with any kind of communication that isn't face to face unless it's a simple yes/no or fact. If I don't reply to a text instantly (and can't if I'm at work), I'll work myself into such a state about whether I've worded it appropriately that it's unlikely to get sent.

How can you be so sure that there’s definitely been no falling out or upset?

You bc oils just reply: “I’ll call you when I get a minute so we can chat” as a place marker.

You’re not alone OP. I have felt like this before with my best friends of 35+ years. Obviously things change and priorities chance when you have a family but one in particular never makes effort to meet as a group but will randomly send “When you catch up with your best friends it’s amazing” posts (once every 6 months or so) and I just don’t care anymore.

We all moved away so it is an effort to meet up however there’s never and phone calls or rarely texts yet when we all get together it’s like old times. It’s as if the length of the friendship means we don’t need to make effort but I disagree.

I’m seldom in a hurry to reply myself now as I just can’t be arsed and I have friends who actively want to meet up and are keen to set dates for us. They also have kids and work yet they still make effort.

My point is, life gets in the way at times and I’m past caring now. If I’m honest I’m guilty of not replying fast myself to other friends because I can’t be bothered meeting people so much these days and I do think covid has impacted that. You’re not alone but try not to take it personally OP.

Are your texts really long? Sometimes I take a long time to reply to messages as there's so much in them to respond to that I have to work myself up to it if that makes sense?

If you want an urgent reply, then call them.

I have had a really shitty year.
One of my best friends sent me a really lovely message back in April.
I was so touched.
Thought vaguely 'oh I must respond'... but didn't.
Messaged her last week and she was lovely. Totally understood.
Friends do that.

I totally get this if it’s seldom as we all forget and have all done that, but if it’s happening constantly then it does show they aren’t a priority I would I say.