Unreasonable colleague

[Liddylizmumof6]

Hi everyone,

I need to rant about a loser at work that’s really getting under my skin. I have a colleague (lets call him Dom) who constantly brings different lunches like tripe and hearts in the office. The sight really triggers me. Let's not talk about the smell from the microwave. I don't want to be ignorant and insensitive but I actually just don't really like Dom (hes overall a jerk) so the food is the straw that broke the camels back. (Hope that's the right saying!!!)

Anyway, I know I probably seem bitter about an awkward colleague, but your advice is welcome 🙏.
AIBU?

I'm unsure how you can be 'triggered' by his choice of food, though I agree about the smell

DH and I have an agreement - he can cook random shite bits of animal when I'm not at home, with the kitchen door closed and the windows open. Beyond that - nope.

If you have a 'no food' rule at work - raise it with your line manager - he's clearly breaking that rule

I think that there's more to this question than just the smell of the microwaved food. You don't seem to have a healthy workplace relationship with "Dom". Whilst the smell of the food may not be great, you can't police what others eat, depending on your sensitivity about it. He's not intentionally done anything bad, he's just eating lunch. The lunchroom is a shared space and a microwave is provided for everyone to use, no matter what they prefer to eat. If the smell is upsetting you, check with your other colleagues that they are ok with you buying some odour eating spray and use it once he's left the room. Or ask if you can take your lunch at a different time than him.

Taking credit for your work isn't on. If this keeps happening then let your boss know what you did and which bits he did privately.
The same goes for any inappropriate behaviour like flirting or otherwise unprofessional.

To update this thread (although I'm sure no one really cares), it appears Dom has bought in some sort of cold salad today. My guess is chicken. Hallelujah- let's hope he's read this post and realises the error of his ways (doubtful).

On the other hand, he's used the word "babes" at least 4 times today and I'm gonna say it....it's TRIGGERED me. I know mumsnet hates that word but it's true!!!!

I wouldn't be "triggered" if a man called me "babes". There are too many "triggers" in this thread.
I think it's time y'all get a grip!

it's TRIGGERED me. I know mumsnet hates that word but it's true!!!!

It isn't true, though.

I don't think you understand what 'triggered' means. You're irritated and annoyed. You're not 'triggered'. You don't have PTSD that's set off by someone heating up meat in a microwave or calling you 'babes'.

It's not about 'hating that word', it's about the fact that nobody fucking uses it properly, which massively devalues and dismisses people who genuinely suffer from debilitating PTSD symptoms. Grow up.

Ps - i don't know where you buy tripe from. Definitely not my local Tesco!

Pretty much any butcher's shop. A lot of specialist Eastern European stores sell it too.

For someone you don't like you seem to spend a lot of time thinking about him

honeyfox · Yesterday 20:00
I cooked heart for my dog once (long story) but Jesus Christ the smell of it. It's horrendous! Took days to get the smell out of the kitchen. YANBU OP”

My mum used to casserole heart. Was really tasty. Can’t recall it smelling. How were you cooking it?

The word triggered is not just related to PTSD? I can use it to describe the way I feel if I wish. I think you should grow up and read the dictionary!

Totally agree!
www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/trigger_1

I'd be annoyed by a colleague calling me "babes" too. I'm sure he probably doesn't mean anything bad by it but it's inappropriate in a professional setting. I wouldn't want clients or other staff members hearing him call me that either. I would first of all ask him politely to stop using it, explaining that you find it uncomfortable and inappropriate. If he continues to do so, escalate it to your manager as it can be a form of sexual abuse and therefore against the law, especially as you have made him aware that you find it degrading. He doesn't sound like he's that mature, from what you are describing or is caught up in online culture where there's often more informal ways of communicating. He might need a bit of guidance on what's expected from him at work.

Tripe is disgusting my dog eats it so I know that smell, like a fart mixed with BO

Dom and his lunches sound dreadful.

I’m not sure which angle you are taking? The dictionary agrees that unless the op means she’s detonating a bomb, triggered is not appropriate for her to use.

The dictionary says it is NOT just for having feelings. Have you considered growing up, and reading a dictionary?
your post and language remind me of all the stories of Italian and later Vietnamese migrants in Melbourne 40-60 years ago and the kids at primary school would get bullied for their different lunches. Especially the primary school part.

@Liddylizmumof6 The word triggered is not just related to PTSD? I can use it to describe the way I feel if I wish. I think you should grow up and read the dictionary

While I’m not the person you are (rudely) responding to, I do see the confusion and why people, including including myself are not making a connection.

Even the dictionary definitions you have linked to don’t make sense in the context you are using it, unless you are a device (??) which is not the case. This situation does not seem to match definitions 1 or 2 and people have repeatedly asked how it matches definition 3 ‘to make somebody feel very upset or anxious by reminding them of a trauma’ but you have only been rude in response. I don’t doubt you have suffered traumas in your life, but I think people are struggling to see how it relates to your colleagues lunch in this context? Are you able to elaborate?

I'd say to dom

"Please can you be more considerate with the food you bring in. The smell is very unpleasant "

"Don't call me babes, I don't like it"

Nope. Whilst you might be correct on the fact tripe in the office is pretty unpleasant, I’m afraid @KreedKafer is correct when it comes to your misuse of ‘triggered’.

🤢🤮 my mum used to cook offal for our dogs as kids, I have to say the smell was disgusting. I can't believe no one else has complained because it really is vomit inducing! Talk to a more senior manager or speak to HR

Not unreasonable if space allows to ask him to eat a distance from you. I am sure you could speak to him and find a reason- say it reminds you of some bad event.

This is your first action.
If it continues please speak to your manager