Work cf stories. Anyone else work cheeky fuckers?

[PizzaFecker]

Our business has passed an important audit so we ordered dominos for lunch.
Enough dominos pizza to give everyone 1/2 a pizza each and sides and drinks.

Total cost was £450.

One of the senior managers just had to have a word with one of the other senior leadership team that putting 3 entire pizzas, sides and a drink in his car because 'he wanted to take it home for his family and would freeze the leftovers' isn't appropriate when the admin staff haven't even had chance to get any pizza yet.

Our work generally have No issues with people taking leftovers but not when other people haven't even had lunch yet!!

Anyone else work with cheeky bastards?

That’s outrageous! As a long term fundraising professional, this goes beyond cheeky fucker to downright unethical!

I have an opposite example of CFery-I regularly gave a colleague a lift to a meeting which was a 400 mile round trip- I didn’t charge her petrol as I could claim it back at 40p a mile. I then found out that she was claiming petrol too despite getting a free ride! £160 per trip!

I would have very promptly had my both my home and mobile numbers changed 🤣

Better would be to put a capsule of harmless food dye in the food so that it goes all over the thief, without doing them any physical harm.

That’s absolutely vile.

A man I know was the ultimate CF. He went on a business trip to the Middle East, flying business class. He was put up in the Four Seasons and all expenses paid for by the company. When he went to check out of the hotel he had to get his passport out of his suitcase (stupid I know). When he went in his case a full sized pillow sprang out which he was stealing.
In this country you could lose a hand, however he did say he really liked the pillow.
From then on he was known as Peter Pillows.

But you would be administering to yourself, that would be your defence. You have constipation and don't like swallowing pills so you grind them up into your food. It's not your fault some greedy fucker scoffed it and was shitting through the eye of a needle 🤣🤣🤣

I used to work for a local authority and there was one CF lad in the IT department that dine virtually nothing for nearly all the 18 months he worked there.

He just carried around a USB cable and if asked what he was doing he'd say "I'm just on the way to renew this cable" or "I've just changed this cable so I'm off to adjust the stick figures"

I seriously would not share the resources - keep forgetting, or - upload the cover sheet with the wrong page below and tell them it must be the system glitching them

I hate lazy managers

He was signing nothing in - meaning he came to work empty handed… but was eating at his desk!… meaning he was stealing food from the workplace (presumably a supermarket)

We had a manager once who would buy new furniture for the project where we worked, only he would ‘donate’ his old furniture and steal the new stuff he’d ordered for the house where we worked!

In another project I worked in, I worked with a woman who was always asking me to swap shifts with her, I always obliged, I was always helping people out by swapping shifts… one day I asked if anyone would swap a day with me because we were going to buy an engagement ring and have a weekend away … not a single person from the team would swap a day shift with me… After that I never swapped with anyone, when people asked I just said no sorry! (Unless the swap actually suited me).. people can be right AH’s!!

I think this is downright nasty more the CFery.

I took 2 months leave about 20 years ago. All legal, organised properly etc etc. My line manager at the time was a useless man. We moved location around the city a bit at work. I returned and all was well.
About 16 years later (yes, 16 YEARS) he was no longer my line manager. I bumped into him in an office one day. I can’t remember how the conversation came up but he casually said with a big fat grin on his face, ‘do you not remember when you came back from your 2 month break, I moved your location all the time, moved you around everywhere’. Meaning he moved me around to make my life difficult. Thankfully I did not remember, (I was on a love buzz at the time oh the innocence). But imagine doing that deliberately, remembering it for all those years and bringing it up 16 years later! I think he was v disappointed I didn’t remember but still took pleasure in telling. Horrible lazy man with a shocking absentee record. Pathologically arrogant. The organisation couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

I once contracted a really good friend to come and do a day's teaching/lecture for me for a group of students I was looking after. The friend agreed to work that day for me as it was a non work day and they were at a loose end. I picked him up after breakfast, gave him a lift there and back ( 160 mile round trip) and paid for his lunch. Bought him a coffee in the afternoon and took him back to his house that evening.
He then proceeded to charge the organisation for travel expenses, breakfast and lunch expenses, his fee for lecturing ( charging extra hours for "prep time"), his fee for "loss of earnings" for the day as well as an overnight stay. The latter was declined.
I didn't realise the fee he claimed until many months later. In actual fact, his session with us totalled a tenth of the entire budget for the whole year.

I work in Sales for a large service company. A Key Account Manager refuses to talk on the phone and will only email. He also refuses to talk to anyone he doesn't know. Another Key Account Manager is receiving a car allowance ($15k pa). He does not drive but uses the company uber account.

The milk thefts have reminded me of a heartwarming story.

In 2000, a colleague used to buy full fat milk for her coffee and some scumbag kept using it and putting the almost empty carton back in the fridge. She told people it was hers, not for general use and put her name on it.

It was no use, so she wrote "Lynsey's Don't fucking steal!" To no avail.

The "kitchen" was in an open area, but not easy to observe from the desks. She tried casually following people and making a cuppa, but couldn't catch the thief.

One day, a man was in the kitchen area and yelled out. A few of us scurried over, to see him holding her carton of full fat, gagging.

"What's up, Trevor?"

"Bleurgh! It's fucking SALTY!"

Lynsey came across and said, "That'll teach you to steal my milk, shit head!"

That is horrific! How dare she take your make up like that?!

Not a work situation, but when I was at school a girl in my class has bought a new expensive concealer and left it in her bag while we did PE. A particularly nasty girl took it out while she was away and washed the whole lot down the sink and left the empty tube in the sink for her to find. It was the first really terrible thing I saw happen at school.

I have got to agree that this is the right way to go as they aren't just taking advantage, they are actively almost gloating and rubbing it in with the 'Oh. Whats this?make sure you add it to the shared drive' comment. I understand your concerns about her doing your performance management reviews, but If you do see a marked downgrade after simply doing just your own planning and not theirs then you would have something to raise a concern with to senior management. Though if it doesn't much bother or inconvenience you then you may find it preferable to carry on as you are which Is understandable and people often do find themselves doing more than they are supposed to in jobs as they are effectively taking on tasks that a slightly more senior person is supposed to do, but raising the issue can often seem more hassle than just doing it. At least you know you're good at your job and your line manager trusts you and rates your planning! Xxx

Not so much CFery as greedy accounting practice. I was working at a bank as a contractor on a major IT project, all contractors had to work through the same agency. We were on a daily rate for a "professional" 8 hour day, which meant we were expected to put in the odd longer day when there was a need.

The timesheet system was automated so you put in start, lunch & finish times then it went through the workflow system to manager approval, agency sign off and to the pay system, pay was calculated on a half day worked basis.

It was set up in such a way that it looked at each day, and if you'd got 8 hours or mare down you got a day's pay, 4-8 hours you got a half days pay. So you could work 7h 55mins and only get half a days pay for that day, while in the same week you could have done an extra hour or even 2 every other day & still only got 4 days pay for them.

I had a word with my manager (himself a contractor) and he out & out told me to adjust the hours I put down to ensure I was getting a full days pay for every day I worked - he had calculated that a couple of weeks previously I had worked 44 hours (so 4 OVER my contract) but had only been paid for 36 hours as I had left a few minutes early on one day after working late every other day.

Allergictoironing · Today 06:44

Cripes! That's awful - and I bet the agency took every penny.

He was cleared of the poisoning charge though!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2528532/PC-switched-Powerade-screenwash-office-fridge-people-kept-stealing-CLEARED-poisoning-colleague.html

More criminal than CF, years ago worked in an office, wages about £30 pw. Very popular woman about to be 21, her birthday collection got to about £65, person who did the collection came in to find the card in her desk but the £65 gone. Never found the thief and it caused such bad feeling in the office.

Took voluntary redundancy from my job of 26 years. Nasty two-faced bitch of a colleague, whose behaviour was one of the reasons why I decIded to leave, gave me a leaving present of a box of cheap chocolates. They were the same brand as those we were all given by our manager the previous Christmas. Definitely not sold in the shops in April. Binned them along with the card.

I tell this story a lot, but it's too good not to share.

I used to be a legal clerk and the senior partner James* was very wealthy and also tighter than 2 coats of paint.

He had overpaid an invoice by 6p, so the company wrote to him about it and said they would donate the money to charity.

All fine and dandy, you'd think?

Au contraire! He wrote back (livid!) and said how dare you tell me what you'll do with my money.
That's mine, and I want it back. So, you'll send it to me in postage stamps.

And 2-3 days later, we received a letter from them, duly enclosing the 6p in 3x 2p stamps.
They must have thought it was hilarious.

I was stunned.

*not his real name

Peter Pillows is an excellent nickname! 😂

I worked in a nursery. At Christmas the parents would bring gifts for staff like boxes of chocolates or biscuits. The staff never saw them. The manager had them locked in the cupboard in her office. I suspect she ate them herself throughout the year. One Christmas the owner asked her to buy us all a drink on our night out. I asked for a gin and tonic. She weirdly said "you can have the gin but not the tonic". She actually went to the bar and came back with just gin. It wasn't her that was paying for it so I don't understand her motivation. 🤷