To expect a little more understanding from LM

[Mum8929]

I Have an almost two year old and work PT three days a week. I have made a very strong effort to take the least amount of time possible when my DD is sick, sent home from nursery we will usually ask my in laws to help or ask for time off annual leave. I have only had to take two separate incidents of sick leave since being back almost a year ago. I’ve pushed through being super ill a few times because I feel bad missing any days of work but the other day I got a really bad sick bug and was stuck running to the toilet so I had to call in. Even though I work from home I felt so dizzy and nauseous I just couldn’t work. Anyway I feel like she’s been very bitchy with me. When I logged on she barely asked me how I was and just sent a link to fill out a sick form. I told her my nursery was now closed for two days because the bug is going around. She didn’t even reply with a message of sympathy. Anyways I’m just fed up, she’s one of those people who doesn’t want kids and I feel like she just judges me for being PT . I don’t expect her to be my friend but just an ounce of sympathy or interest in my life would make me feel more valued in the company. I really try as best as I can to work as hard as I can but it’s just inevitable with a little one I’m going to be ill more often. Am I being unreasonable for expecting a more human response from her? I feel I’ve been giving 110% at work and it’s always like walking on eggshells with her.

How do you know she's judging you for being part time?
She's your manager first and foremost and not your friend so I think you may be expecting too much from her.

I’m a LM and she’s probably just juggling a million things. It doesn’t sound like she’s saying anything bitchy to you.
You are back in work - she sends sick form.
2 sick absence in under 12 months - if you have a third in a year it would trigger a full process where I am.
Every time you are off or booking last minute leave it’s more paperwork and rejigging for her, that’s part of her job.
Not being overly friendly is best as it blurs lines especially if more formal procedures need to be invoked.
I do check on people and have 1-1 meetings but you need to be professional. People have a right to privacy.
If she had contacted you about illness you could feel she was critical of you being off and invading privacy. I often stick to a good morning please fill in form or thanks for letting me know.

I’m a female line manager and “one of those people” who doesn’t have kids (never a good look to describe any group of people with those words BTW). I’m relatively new to line management and one thing you have to learn is a bit of professional distance. I’m their line manager, not their friend. If they are off sick it’s my duty to make sure they are fit to return with a short conversation and the necessary paperwork. If I know their kids are sick I will ask a quick ‘how are they doing?’ if I happen to bump into them but that’s it. I don’t want to pry and there is a balance between showing interest and being invasive.

Echoing other posters, it sounds like she hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s obviously not a style of management you prefer but that happens. Gently, I think this is a you issue. You sound like you are projecting your own feelings about being part time (for whatever reason) onto your manager. You shouldn’t push through if you’re too sick to work and time off for childcare is to be expected. It probably doesn’t bother her nearly as much as you think.

For the first time in my life I have what I would describe as a brilliant manager. She doesn't have children, I have no idea whether she will have kids or not. Not my business. When my child is unwell, she is sympathetic, but professional. Usually says 'sorry to hear that, I'll send you over the carer's leave form, let me know if there's anything I can do to help from a workload perspective'. Not overly friendly but equally she's showing she cares and making me feel comfortable with taking the time off. When I'm unwell she usually says something along the lines of 'take as much time as you need to get better, remember if you come back too soon and have to go off sick again it'll be counted as two periods of sickness, so make sure you're better first!'. There's a fine balance to be had with line management!

Ultimately, her job is to line manage your work and ensure that the role the company hired you for is done.

She doesn't have to care if you are ill, your child is ill, or you've got child care problems. She's interested in whether your job is being done, as expected.

Harsh, but true.

Are you taking sick leave when your child is sick? It's hard to work out from your post. If so you are being very unreasonable - that is not what it is for.

This. Her style of management sounds perfectly fine to me (and similar to my own!). She's not complaining about time off, she's just getting on with the requirements of her role.

It sounds like you are judging her lifestyle whilst she's just not showing any interest in yours,,,

she’s one of those people who doesn’t want kids

You lost me here. YABVU. Her life choices are nothing to do with her effectiveness as a manager.