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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pushchair for 4 1/2 year old?

31 replies

fghbvh · 24/07/2024 07:25

My son is recently diagnosed ASD. He's fairly low additional needs (high functioning). He'll be five at the end of November and starting school in September.
We got rid of his pushchair at the start of this year. I don't drive and now we don't have the pushchair I rarely take him out on my own.
He is perfectly able-bodied, but refuses to walk for longer than a few minutes. He then asks to be carried and I'm just not strong enough to do this. If I don't carry him he will have a meltdown and we end up trapped somewhere until my husband can drive to collect us.
I'm filled with anxiety every time we go out and my mum suggested allowing him to go back in a pushchair. My husband is very against this - but he drives and is big and strong so has no problems carrying our son.

OP posts:
LydiaTomos · 24/07/2024 07:28

How much does he weigh? I used a Silver Cross Pop buggy on holiday for a four year old. Check the weight limit on that one. You might be able to find one on Facebook Marketplace.

lateatwork · 24/07/2024 07:30

Would a scooter work? But tbh if a pushchair works for both of you and it means you can get out of the house, I'd do it.

PuttingDownRoots · 24/07/2024 07:31

Is he wanting to be carried due to sensory overload? If so... look at it like a wheelchair

fghbvh · 24/07/2024 07:32

lateatwork · 24/07/2024 07:30

Would a scooter work? But tbh if a pushchair works for both of you and it means you can get out of the house, I'd do it.

Scooter / bike is the same as walking. He'll do it for a few minutes and then want to be carried. And then I'm left trying to pick him up and carry the scooter 🤣

OP posts:
RantyMcRanterton · 24/07/2024 07:33

A maclaren buggy (Major Elite) would suit, I reckon. You can pick up a second hand one.

When your husband does the school run he's welcome to walk and carry your little boy. You're not fucking your back up, end of.

fghbvh · 24/07/2024 07:33

PuttingDownRoots · 24/07/2024 07:31

Is he wanting to be carried due to sensory overload? If so... look at it like a wheelchair

I'm not sure. Sometimes it is very clearly that, others I don't know. My husband thinks it is laziness.

OP posts:
Octonaut4Life · 24/07/2024 07:34

Of course it's fine if that's what he needs. We still have a pram for my 4 1/2 year old just for the walk to nursery as it's a long way and he's quite small for his age so struggles doing the whole walk (and it's a lot faster lol)

Sirzy · 24/07/2024 07:35

Excel Elise- it’s like a McLaren major but a lot cheaper!

Like you I got rid of DS buggy and then realised he still needed something so we went for an excel Elise and then a few other options along the way, he is 14 now and still uses a wheelchair (via wheelchair service) when out

fghbvh · 24/07/2024 07:36

RantyMcRanterton · 24/07/2024 07:33

A maclaren buggy (Major Elite) would suit, I reckon. You can pick up a second hand one.

When your husband does the school run he's welcome to walk and carry your little boy. You're not fucking your back up, end of.

Thank you. That looks perfect if o can find a second hand one - I'll have to convince my husband first though. He thinks getting a pushchair again is babying him.

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 24/07/2024 07:36

Of course he needs a buggy! Your husband is ridiculous - easy to say he doesn't need a buggy if you can just jump in the car.

MouseofCommons · 24/07/2024 07:39

What about a big 3 wheeler? They're usually pretty sturdy.
I know quite a few people who used buggies for school age children. Much better for parent, child and environment than using a car.

fghbvh · 24/07/2024 07:40

Thank you everyone. I was expecting all the responses today I was being unreasonable. This has made me feel so much better.

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 24/07/2024 07:41

Is your DH struggling to adjust to your DC's diagnosis?

LadyFeatheringt0n · 24/07/2024 07:43

Is he fit & active? If you went out without a purpose and just took a football to a field et, will/can he run around for a decent amount of time?

My only worry would be that its not especially physically healthy for a child that age to be quite inactive and not manage a walk or scoot to school, but if you are happy he gets plenty of exercise in other ways then no problem.

Meadowfinch · 24/07/2024 07:43

I'd try to build his fitness/resilience on a scooter.

Children can be very cruel and he won't want to look like a baby in front of his class mates so perhaps find a 2nd hand buggy you can hang his scooter from.

When you get within 80m of the school, swap him to the scooter.

fghbvh · 24/07/2024 07:44

CelesteCunningham · 24/07/2024 07:41

Is your DH struggling to adjust to your DC's diagnosis?

How did you guess?!? 🤣

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 24/07/2024 07:50

Another seconding Maclaren major or the cheaper XL version.

Just an umbrella buggy though so if he needs to retreat under blankets due to sensory overload your better off with a mountain buggy 3 wheeler type.

Plenty of FB selling sites have parents selling off SN buggies so worth looking online as first port of call to investigate.

You'll have enough battles with a child with send without creating unnecessary ones over walking when he won't!

fghbvh · 24/07/2024 07:51

LadyFeatheringt0n · 24/07/2024 07:43

Is he fit & active? If you went out without a purpose and just took a football to a field et, will/can he run around for a decent amount of time?

My only worry would be that its not especially physically healthy for a child that age to be quite inactive and not manage a walk or scoot to school, but if you are happy he gets plenty of exercise in other ways then no problem.

He can be very active, but usually in short bursts. He then does get very tired. He doesn't eat well (is open to the dietician), so this is something I fret about.

OP posts:
hassalen · 24/07/2024 07:53

It's fine. We use a Yoyo for my autistic 6yo - she has only just hit the weight limit but it's handy as it folds so small and is light, so we can take it upstairs on the bus and up and down stairs. So we are not restricted in the usual way that you'd be with a bigger buggy.

Autistic dc don't seem to respond to peer expectations the same way and she doesn't seem to have got embarrassed about using it in front of peers - plus our parent body at school is kind and I think they mostly assume she has some kind of issue if she is in a buggy at this age, although we never mention her diagnosis.

Needmorelego · 24/07/2024 08:05

We used a buggy until the age of 6 for various reasons.
We had a Maclaren XLR which seemed slightly bigger than most umbrella style ones - not sure if you can still get them.
Ignore your husband.
Ignore any random "isn't he a bit big for that blah blah" comments.
Maybe practice the school walk throughout the summer.
Could you make a homemade I spy list of things you past on the route and get him to find them. You never know - by September he might be running ahead to see the fancy postbox or whatever.
But also Reception is very exhausting at first - so if he needs a buggy....he needs a buggy.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 24/07/2024 08:10

You can get a push bar to add to bikes
https://www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/outdoor/bikes/bike-accessories/parent-push-bar-for-bike/p/206293

If you do get a stroller get one with a higher weight rating, I regretted not getting something better (mostly because of my now ex) when our youngest needed to go back into a pram for 18 months.

BogRollBOGOF · 24/07/2024 08:21

It's common for autistic children to have issues like hyper-mobility and experience pain when walking compared to children of regular development. They don't know differently and it's often hard for them to recognise and articulate if there's a physical issue. (Aside from sensory, security issues too)

When DS was 4, he still hopped in and out of his 2 year old sibling's buggy. He wasn't disagnosed until 8-9 and ended up seeing physion then having orthotics for his knees. Years later he still wears standard support insoles.

With hindsight, I'm glad I didn't sweat the buggy. My attitude was that they'd enjoy walking more if it was low pressure and could dip in-out. We do a lot of functional walking, it's a basic form of transport to us, and they're also good runners. Buggies at 4 did not ruin them.

mitogoshi · 24/07/2024 08:29

Just remember that stubbornness is a major thing with asd and if you revert it is telling him it's ok to refuse to walk. As hard as it is i would suggest perservering. I ditched mine at that age and it was challenging but if physically capable you go for it

Sonolanona · 24/07/2024 16:52

Another vote for a Maclaren Major (or cheap version)
We used one til DS2 was about 8 I think , and he had a wheelchair supplied. He has hypotonia with his ASD (and wore splints for years) ..he could walk but got tired very quickly and was very uncoordiated. No one ever teased him and I sure has hell couldn't carry him!

SalmonEile · 24/07/2024 16:57

Does your husband walk places with your son regularly?
Or does he drive him everywhere?
Your son sitting in a buggy really isn’t any different to sitting in a car seat if you think about it