Help me get 11 month old in own cot

[Cheesetoastiees]

My 11 month old will not stay in his own cot and I don’t want to co-sleep (super wriggly baby who falls out the bed or finds his way to the bottom - both not safe and I do want my own space).

He won’t fall asleep alone (tried leaving her/settling in cot - just screams) so cuddle to sleep and pop her cot. This is fine at beginning of the night, he’ll sleep till 10/11 and then wake up. He’ll settle fine, then pop him and he’ll wake straight back up, stand straight up and burst into tears.

This cycle of cuddle (occasional feed), standing up and crying then goes on for hours and I inevitably fall asleep cuddling him for a few hours (which no I worry about as he travels all over the bed in this time). He occasionally goes in his cot for a few hours at a time.

Feel like I’ve tried everything, settling in cot (just cries for hours), Leaving him, just DH doing settles (he just cries for me).

At a complete loss, I’m exhausted (at end of my tether really) and I’ve also just gone back to work, working long shifts and I’m making mistakes.

How do I fix my baby?

Your baby isn't broken. Your expectations are. It's not normal to be happy to be separated from safety (you). It goes against every instinct your baby has of survival. It is triggering their fight flight freeze mechanism and pumping them from of stress hormones.

I would put the cot side car to your bed (ie chop one side off) to make a large next to me and your baby will then have their own sleep space but always be able to feel you and smell you. You might find you have the benefits of co-sleeping without what you feel are the negatives.

Edited to add: going back to work and trying to treat babies like nesting rather than carry animals is a big part of western baby sleep issues. You're not alone!

Put the cot somewhere you can lie next to it and put your arm through onto your baby so they can feel you're there. Fall asleep out of pure exhaustion whilst baby is protesting wildly. Wake up a few hours later and immediately feel guilty that baby is still sobbing in its sleep.

Sleep train. Any method you like/are confortable with.

Sleep on his floor for a few nights?