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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to reconnect with husband

2 replies

Moreteaforme · 23/07/2024 11:03

We’ve had a hard five years with twins being born, an older child needing a lot of support, older parents needing help and one of the children being diagnosed with autism. Then needing to get an EHCP for him on top of us both working in demanding jobs. We also have very little family support.

Our children are now 8 and 5.

Our child with autism has started a specialist school in reception which has been good for him but lots of logistical issues with drop offs for the other two children.

He is also very high maintenance and needs watching at all times meaning it’s impossible to get a break or to spend any time together.

Anyway, the upshot is that we have both lost who we are and I barely feel like we know eachother anymore. There’s very little affection in our relationship and it feels like we are ships that pass in the night.

Sometimes I just want to divorce as all we do is snap at eachother and it would be easier to be alone even though I know I couldn’t manage without him.

Hes a good dad but feel there’s nothing left to care about me and he probably feels the same way.

I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
pollypocketss · 23/07/2024 11:30

Maintaining a loving relationship is hard when trying to be present parents. What works for us is:

Sharing memories - looking back at old photos, even with the kids. The trick here is photos tend to only capture the good memories. Reflecting on what you have achieved together should help with some re-connection.

Time off - Find some time during the day while kids are at school to have lunch together, even if it means using 1 day of annual leave. When things get a bit much for my husband and I this is what we do, just have a day off together.

Goal setting - look forward and be excited and plan something for the year ahead. It makes the day to day tasks more do-able when looking ahead to a break, even if it is with the kids.

These things should get some positive conversations going between the two of you and hopefully lead onto more positiveness :)

SewingBeee · 21/10/2024 04:04

I could have written this, op. Am in similar circumstances myself. Did you find anything that worked? At my wits end after another row due to not centering my husbands needs when i have nothing left to give right now

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