Should I keep the peace or go ahead with holiday plans?

[SillyTiger]

I'm planning to book a holiday with my 1yo son. For background story:Me and partner not been on the best terms lately ,he's rather controlling and has narcissistic tendencies but I've been in massive denial about it. So I want to go abroad with our son ,to have a nice holiday and have my grandma (my only family there is my grandparents) meet little one the first time. There are other things need doing while I'm there e.g passport renewal, visiting dentist etc. but mainly the aim is a nice relaxing time just me and baby. He doesn't want to let me go, saying we can't afford it (I'm the only one who works full time,he stay at home dad at the moment ) . He said stuff like "I'm just being reasonable here" but it's not very feasible coming from someone who smokes w**d 24/7 and does not want to work or help me clean or cook after I spend 10 hrs at work every day? I'm tempted to just go anyway but worried about his reaction. Also thinking leaving the relationship would I be unreasonable?

Something is clearly going on. There can't be this many people all of a sudden posting about these useless men.

Assume you are not from the UK? Why can some of the admin things be done from here? Does your p think you may stay longer term rather than for a holiday?

You’d be unwise to stay with him. He’s a weed smoker and does nothing around the house. Two good reasons to leave - even before you get to the controlling tendencies.

Get well away from him.

What is the point of him? Leave & make a better life for you and your baby without this man dragging you down

You are with a controlling, abusive, work shy, lazy, drug addict, soon to add paranoid to the list, what was the question again? At the very least go and visit your grandparents.

Go and take the time away to sort out how you're going to get rid of this waste of space without having to fund him

Thank god you're not married!!

Passport can be done from London but it's costly and stressful. Easier from country of origin. Again, dentist can be done here for 10x more expensive. Just trying to make most of the stay ,but again I really need a holiday holiday it's been a super stressful year. Been living and working in the UK for 10+years just don't seem to be able to settle and have a nice family always making poor life decisions :( but I love my son more than life itself I want to be a good mom for him and spend more time with him . Partner's family reckons he has mental health issues that's why I don't want to leave until I've tried literally everything to make things work but he doesn't really want help so it's tough

Your focus should be on leaving this waste of space.

He doesn't work, he smokes weed constantly (why are you giving him money for this and leaving your baby with him every day when he's under the influence?) and he's controlling.

Get rid of him then celebrate with a holiday.

His mental health issues won't be helped by excessive use of weed - has he been assessed by an unbiased medical professional re mental health issues, or is this 'diagnosis' solely from his family? What's he doing to help himself? Sitting on his arse all day, smoking weed, not doing any of the cleaning or the cooking and God knows what quality of care your child is getting from him, isn't helping him, either.

Even if a mh issue it is not yours to fix, but his. If he continues to smoke weed etc that is suggesting his mh, and in turn your family life, is not a priority for him. You going away to see family might just make him change but doubtful.

@SillyTiger his family don’t get to decide. You work and keep him and he does nothing. Think of the kind of example you want for your child … it isn’t him, is it? You will be less stressed without him because you’re already almost a single parent.

Sorry but you can’t help him
its true the only way is if he helps himself or gets professional therapy it’s not your job it will only bring you down
please have your holiday with your son it sounds like you really need it and hopefully it’ll give you a fresh perspective on things

Take your baby back to country of origin and stay there would be my advice

Go

Why are you leaving your 1 year old in care of someone smoking weed all day? If he was a nanny you would sack him. So do so.
He needs to get help for his mh. Only he can do that
Do you just stay with him for free childcare?

Go on your break.
Think about it.

I'm interested why do you think that's the best call. Please elaborate

Fair play I would not let anyone else do that. It's just that everyone knows what he's doing and they don't see the problem ... I feel like a bad person and bad mum for letting all this happen to me and my child but I just can't seem to gather the confidence to do anything about it :( also need money to move out just paid most of 6 months rent on the place we're at. Its covered until November or so. So a bit skint now to do owt. A cheap holiday up to 4-500 £ would be affordable that's why I thought I go and use the time to think of something without being manipulated

Who is "everyone? When he picks him up from school in three years time smelling of weed what will the teachers think? Or cannot turn up

Seriously, leaving your baby with someone who smokes weed 24/7 is NOT ok. You need to stop thinking about a holiday and start thinking about safeguarding your child. Why are you staying with this useless creep? You need to leave and let his family sort out his 'mental health issues' He is an adult and not your responsibility.

Think about the reasons behind your 'super stressful year'. I should imagine your stress levels would lower if you made ONE change in your life.

It sounds like your baby will have more of a village, more community, plus a happier more relaxed mum who is in a positive environment. Being isolated with a lazy, disengaged, weed smoking father and a stressed, overwhelmed mum doesn’t sound like the better option.