I’m sorry this is a little complex but just for some perspective. I met this person 7 years ago and we have had a on/off relationship during that time. No children together or previously. I would love to have children but I don’t feel we have been in that place of sustained commitment. Yet.
There seems to have been a lot of pressure from different areas. I have been trying to navigate some complex health issues and he has struggled with work, a new job which takes him away from home a lot and a new home which he is renovating himself.
Sometimes we don’t see each other for weeks at a time and I am not even sure we are “in a relationship”. When we are together, we can be very close; he does a lot to help me when he is around for which I am very grateful. I do struggle however with a couple of things in particular:
-
He has hinted repeatedly about having sex. I have to admit it’s been a while, I really don’t have the energy currently but I also wonder if the chemistry has gone between us. I have tried to explain about the energy (I have ME/CFS amongst other conditions.) I don’t think he fully understands…
-
I notice that he can be quite judgemental of his (male) friends’ partners/ wives. He often hangs out with other men as I mentioned my energy levels are low. I don’t get out as much as I’d like. He is the opposite and wants to be out having a drink with his friends several times a week. Which is okay. I have come to accept that is part of who he is…
But I struggle with his attitude e.g. towards a particular girl who has just had her second baby. He is good friends with her husband. I know he’s never seen eye to eye with her but I find his attitude quite offensive. He was pretty narked because- having chosen to have a drink in the pub next door to where they live - she came round with the two little ones after however long because her husband wasn’t answering his phone. I was just pointing out that there could have been all sorts of reasons why she felt she needed him back, whether she was struggling with the children or just feeling lonely or whatever. In the end they all had a drink together and it seemed to have ended well. But my friend/ bf/ person I am unsure about just got really lairy with me for defending this lady. Apparently I “should” agree with him. We were on the road and it was the second person we discussed. He was jabbing his finger in the air which I thought was quite unnecessary under the circumstances.
AIBU? I was brought up by a single mother so maybe I’m missing something here, but I strongly believe that as a woman I should be as free to express myself as he is, without causing unnecessary conflict.
Thankyou so much if you’ve made it this far, I would be so grateful for any advice or guidance on this topic.