To stop contact?

[Cam1153]

My ex sees the kids every second weekend and there have been a host of ongoing issues. I try and put up with it so they can see their dad but I feel now that they aren’t safe there.

My 5 year old son is allowed to play violent 18r video games.
He is allowed to go Into the pool before anyone else is awake.
He talks about shooting and killing a lot of the time.
My 5 year old daughter and my son share a room with an 11 year old boy at their dads. His partners girlfriends. There are posters on his wall which are fine for him but give my daughter nightmares.
my daughter says the older child plays a game where he sacrifices her on the trampoline and she doesn’t like it.
my ex has told me that he can’t enforce my daughter to wear underwear and this makes the older child feel uncomfortable.
both children say they don’t have a bath, teeth cleaned or hairbrushes from FRi-Sun night at their dads and my daughter who wears a nappy at night has had urine burn because of not being washed.
they come home in old clothes that are too small and shoes that hurt their feet.

I have brought these issues up and get told I’m over reacting, the kids have fun and that’s the main thing, and just generally dismissed.

please give me some advice. Stopping contact is a last resort but I don’t know how much of my children’s welfare I’m willing to compromise.

Help folks? Big decision to make and need to make sure I’m making the right one.

Stop contact I would be furious about all this let him take you to court and push for supervised contact. He’s a neglectful parent and a really bad one with inappropriate behaviour alongside that, the adult games, letting them stay up late the posters in the sons bedroom not good. Why are they coming home in tight clothes and shoes? Where is their stuff? Why don’t they have stuff there? I would stop contact I wouldn’t be facilitating this and enabling my children to be treated like this.

What he does is keep clothes/shoes/coats I send them in and send back old things that don’t fit. He grudges them maintainence and I think this is his way of recouping some of the money. He’s awful. Truly.

I would go through the CMS, assuming your in the uk?
this isn’t an environment children should be raised in, go through the proper channels ie CMS and state explicitly that if he wants contact to take you to court.

Absolutely stop contact.

I think a 5yo girl sharing a bedroom with an unrelated 11yo boy could be a safeguarding issue. Could you research this point? I don't know if you'd be comfortable contacting Social Services or similar.

I'd stop sending them and clearly state what needs to be done to resume contact:

• physical needs met - cleaned teeth, washed, fed every day
• safe sleeping arrangements
• no inappropriate imagery, entertainment or games

Most of that is dodgy, the clothes thing is annoying - but a five year old deliberately allowed to be unsupervised in a swimming pool while everyone is asleep is very dangerous neglect and I’d stop contact for that alone. Your child could literally drown on their next visit.

Thanks so much everyone. Yeah it’s all very concerning and when I’d o discuss it with him he just dismisses me and gaslights me.

I’d be happy contacting social work. I think that needs to be my next step as well. Getting some advice and finding out what I can do to keep my children safe.

I would absolutely stop contact for the attitude towards pool safety alone. The other stuff is all awful too but the pool issue could be deadly. I wouldn’t take a chance with that. I’d have a hard time believing any judge, social worker or CAFCASS worker would the side of your ex over that one.

Yeah the pool one is awful. Do you think I’d need evidence of it?

he always tells me the kids are lying but I know they are t.