DH career

[Dolly567]

DH has been offered a new role working shifts which would see him qualified at the end of the three years. He currently works shifts and we have discussed him returning to day shifts as it has been straining on me with two young children. I feel like I'm a single parent two weeks out of the month when he works until late nights and isn't here to help after school/nursery.
Ir has definitely impacted my mental health and I don't do anything for myself, I would like to start the gym etc. I think he should be here in the evenings to have a meal with us all together, after school activities and this outweighs the qualification but I can't help but feel I'm asking him to hold himself back.

any advice?

I work three days a week two of which are 6 finishes which would also mean finding childcare after school for those two weeks out of the month.

Just find childcare for the three evenings every week

You jointly pay

What does qualifying mean for him, his salary and your family? I don't think you are just being unreasonable or selfish, but if doing what he is doing is going to mean he earns more and is happier at the end of three years, it might be really the best thing!

I'm a bit confused, he's working shifts already but has been offered different shifts? And these shifts mean 2 weeks out of 4 he'd be finishing late?

Would he be starting late too and therefore able to do the mornings instead?

Will this qualification have a significant impact on his finances?

He would qualify as an engineer? TBH I'm not that good with stuff like this I just know he's lower than this at the moment but I do get mixed up with what they both entail.

At the moment he does the exact same shifts as the new role
Early
Late
Early
Late

But we were hoping for him to return to just the early shift but that would mean a lower role.

My heart tells me it's the right thing to do to go for this new role but my head feels a mess.

Do you have support from anyone? My DH has always done these shifts so it's normal to me. I worked full time too, but there was often our parents popping in and breaking the week up playing with the kids etc.

Not really unfortunately, i think I'm more ratty when I'm by myself too because I can't take a time out when I need to and I don't want to be remebered as that kind of mum

Did he do this throughout their younger years? I want them to get into swimming etc and i feel there's no routines with these shifts

Yes hes always done it since before we had kids. In fact it's actually all he has ever worked. He done school runs of a morning when he was on the late shift, and afternoon school run when he was on the early shift. It is hard, but getting out and doing things and having people pop over etc really does help break it up. And get into a routine of planning those things for when he is on a late so people are popping in on a week when it really helps you.

Mine had his own business, so was out from 6am to 8pm six days a week. We managed.

Thanks everyone, will sit down together and have a good chat he's currently at work.

Shifts can work well. I do shifts and get more time with the kids when I’m not working, and she gets time with them when I do. Yes there are times I’m on lates and I don’t see the kids for a couple of days, but then I get 3 days off and can do all school runs and after school.

you haven’t mentioned finances? If he goes back to days presumably he’s going to take roughly a 20% pay cut?

if he goes to days will you increase your hours so you all don’t lose out financially?

are the shifts essential for his career? Or can he get the same qualifications with a day job?

if you ask him to go to days you need to look at the whole picture. If he loses out financially and long term career wise if you want him home every evening to help with the children it will be down to you to pick up the slack- either increase hours or job prospects so you as a family don’t lose out.

I think i needed this you're right thank you. I think i need to just schedule some me time in when he's at home so I don't look like a crow everyday!