To think that DM expectations are too high

[Corfucrab]

DM raised us broadly alone and did her best. She can be quite difficult but I have always stayed close to her and shown my appreciation and love where I can. Over the years I’ve brought her on city breaks to New York, London, malaga, Paris, Rome, Venice and brought her to Disney and a couple of family holidays. This is all expected, my mother doesn’t think that any of this is particularly kind - she just expects this.

Beyond visiting a friend in Alicante (on flights I pay for ) she goes nowhere if I don’t bring her so I am expected to bring her somewhere once / twice a year.

Many of my friends don’t have this situation but they also have both parents alive so this is quite different. Does anyone else have this expectation?

No, that sounds bonkers.

What would she say if you stopped taking (not bringing!!) her on these trips?

Is she short of money?

Has she tried to replace a husband/partner with you? And are you a woman?

She would at length mention everyone she has ever met whose daughter has taken her anywhere.

Yes I am the eldest girl and she has tried to push me into a spouse type role but I have a spouse (and kids!!)

Yes she is short of money and I have paid her as a childminder for a number of years but as kids became teens this stopped (another story )

Ridiculous, I mean my Dad has a partner so doesn't need to go on holiday with anyone. But my grandparents both lost their husband/wife early and would either travel on their own or go on holiday with friends. I mean yes they cam to vist us but we didn't take them on holiday, they took themselves on holiday.

You have a spouse and children of your own, but your mum thinks it’s your duty to take her away on holiday? She’s got it wrong. It’s not. Fair enough if you want to, but the choice has to be yours. She has no divine right to overseas vacations.

As for paying for her: if you can spare it easily and it’s nbd to you, fine (although again, it shouldn’t be an expectation). If you can’t do this, and have to budget, that makes the whole thing many times worse.

Honestly it’s very weird. Just stop if you don’t want to do it anymore

My DM will only get to go away if we take her and I religiously have done for years and years. But my DM and I have a really difficult relationship and I'm done with taking her on all of our holidays as I don't get a break with my DH and kids alone. I feel extremely guilty not inviting her on this year's one but I'm very much looking forward to relaxing without the awkward air we have between us.

It's a different situation to yours but really, you don't owe her holidays.

It’s tough wobbly isn’t it? It makes me so determined to proceed differently with my own children