To think sometimes too many 'allowances' are made?

[craigth162]

I'll start by saying my child has autism and various disabilities so honestly i do get it. However, im beginning to wonder if there are times we make too many allowances.

We were at an ASN event over weekend and it was something where for safety reasons numbers on each activity needed to be limited. Like kids had to wait turn at bottom before going up. 100% safety reasons nothing else. The event was fairly busy but had capped numbers so it could cope. I actually didnt enjoy it and neither did my child so not sure if thats tainting my view. Someone i know was there with her autistic son. He just kept pushing past kids to get on and when the staff were saying (nicely) over and over again that we need to just wait our turn the mum said 'no this is an autism session these kids dont understand waiting so its fine they can do as they want'. I dont agree. Yes allowances need to be made etc and instructions made clear and simple but surely rules still apply especially for safety?

Is it not our responsibility to teach our kids about rules etc in whatever way works for them? They still need to comply.

Some children genuinely can’t understand they have to wait though.

I do get that but if theres a limit of 10 and already 10 on they just cant get on right away. How does that work?

This could be said about all parents regardless of whether their child is ND. Some find parenting tough and some don’t.

Some children genuinely end up in care homes cos it’s too late to teach them to function.

Tbf my child doesnt understand either yet so i try to avoid stuff like this.

In this example it's not about "too many allowances" being made, I think it's a question of organisation and thinking in advance about the needs of the children attending.

If it's anticipated that some children would be unable or find it very difficult to queue, then a different system should have been put in place to ensure everyone who wanted to had a go. So, the numbers should have been limited more perhaps, or they could have given people pre-planned slots, so no queuing, or whatever else might have worked in the circumstances. That's something you could feed back to the organisers which could actually be helpful for next time.

I think some people forget to inude the 'reasonable' part of reasonable adjustments. Events and activities should be as accessible as possible within that specific context and taking into account what is reasonable for other people too. Its clearly not reasonable for one child to push in front of others in this situation, so if that is the only 'adjustment' that could be made in order for that child to participate, then unfortunately he would be unable to do so.

So this was a session for kids with additional needs? And this mother has decided her child’s needs trump all the other children’s needs? And she thinks she can override safety measures because her child doesn’t want to wait? She isn’t doing her child any favours. Autism or no autism, you can’t allow kids to do something unsafe just because they don’t want to wait. I really feel for the staff.

They don’t need to push in, they want to. Suppose none of the children want to take it in turns? That seems to be the mums logic -but only when her child doesn’t wait obviously!

Time slots etc are a great idea. Will feed back. Thanks

Yeah this is what ive been trying to get head around for my child. He tantrums when not allowed to lie in middle of road...clearly hes still not allowed to do it....or he doesnt understand not to walk in front of a car or smack people..still not allowed to do it.

Isn't it the parents to stop the child from barging others out of the way? One day he will barge the wrong person and get put on his arse

Honestly, I think a bit part of the problem is that "authority" figures in these situations seem to fall into two extremes - the total jobsworths who are so inflexible it ruins things for everyone or the type who dont' ever feel they can push back when participants are behaving badly. So the result is that these families either walk around feeling justifiably frustrated by the first group or get to do whatever they like by the second group.

Drives me crazy.

I was really dazzled by this when we went to EuroDisney. The crowd control was excellent - the staff were generally sympathetic and could make plans to make things easier (and you saw it lots with children who had lanyards etc) but they were firm and polite to the general wankers. I was very impressed and it made the entire experience so much less unpleasaant for me.

I agree with you. Whenever my ASD child was struggling at school, they’d just say he didn’t have to do that particular activity. Obstacles were always just removed completely, rather than making adjustments and helping him to learn how to overcome them.

One mum being unreasonable does not make an argument against reasonable adjustments for disability.
It is like groundhog day on MN for anti disability threads, with autism clearly top of the pops.