For telling DH I don't love him anymore two weeks before the holiday?

[BefuddledCrumble]

Because apparently I am a bitch and 'can go and get fucked'.

Background: no passion or romance in our relationship for a long time. Dh got tested and found out he had low testosterone a year ago, but never did anything about it. On top of this he is a mean drunk, has been caught sexting young girls on numerous occasions over the years and constantly belittles me, usually about liking kpop, constantly accusing me of cheating or wanting to, and using mumsnet recommendations for certain products.

I've tried. I'm so fucking tired of trying. I didn't want to be a single mum. I didn't want to only see the kids half of the time. But I just can't do it anymore. I've been increasingly depressed and I know exactly why that is.

Even after all of that, if he had just responded with the merest hint of caring towards me tonight, just the smallest bit, I probably would have relented immediately. But he launched straight into an attack, 'who is he', 'fuck you bitch', 'wait until I tell everyone why we can't go on the holiday', 'It's all because of fucking mumsnet isn't it', 'you've ruined my life, fuck you', 'it's because you are always watching that korean shit'.

I'm writing it down quoted here so I can remember what it looks like in the cold light of day.

He is refusing to leave. Keeps saying this has all come out of nowhere. Which hurts more because it like he has just ignored everything I've been saying for over two years. Every time I've tried to tell him how I feel I've been shouted down.

YANBU. Would you still want to go on the holiday without him just you and the kids? It might give you some space and distance to think about things.

The holiday is an extended family one with both sides going.

I really didn't intend to have this conversation tonight. But I just snapped when he started quizzing me about who I was texting (I wasn't texting,I was goggling how to turn off the autoplay feature on Facebook videos).

Er "sexting young girls"?? How young do you mean?

He sounds like a nob. No one should be spoken to like that.

The youngest was 18. Ranged from 18 - mid 20's on chat sites and games.

Once it was his cousin.

Yes. I feel ill. I think I tried to block it out so it always hits me again when I actively think about it.

It's honestly shocking that he is genuinely confused and angry that I don't love him anymore.

Forgot to add. He is 48.

I'm sorry OP. This sounds really tough- you've already identified that you need to leave, so put your energy in to that. Go and speak to a solicitor ASAP to get some practical advice (but don't tell your husband).

Absolutely do not go on this holiday. Don't let anyone guilt you in to it, or feel like the money is wasted- you will have a miserable time. You have enough on your plate. Hopefully you have a nice, understanding family- if so, I'm sure they will be horrified to hear what has happened and support you to leave.

So his testosterone is too low to engage in a fulfilling relationship with you, his wife, but he's still able to have enough to muster his urge to sexually pester young women?

Ugh op, how awful for you. This, even without the belittling would be enough to turn me off him for life.

Dreadfully insecure isn't he? Belittling all the things you like to keep you down, make you feel like shit. Projecting on you too - you must be up to no good on your phone, because that's what he'd most likely be doing on his. You must be cheating on him, because that's what he's trying to do to you.

My ex was always moaning about me quoting Mumsnet, and belittling me for talking about various threads because MNers were all "a bunch of sad, man hating bitches" and "a bad influence on me."

Hopefully he read the post I made when finally one evening, after yet more empty threats to leave me, I opened the door and calmly asked him for the keys and he left in a spluttering rage knowing he'd finally f*cked around and found out, and all the MN support I got to stay strong and keep him gone.

Now he's threatening you with the idea of upsetting the family and the holiday plans? Probably scared you'll tell people the truth about things he's been doing. Don't worry on that. If you don't want to go, you don't go.

Start seeking legal advice on what to do in terms of separation arrangements, talk to a close family member to put it out there.

Being a single parent is hard, especially when the other parent goes out of their way to make life awkward, which he will. But it's a lot easier not dealing with this sort of behaviour, day in, day out. You sound absolutely broken. You'd be a much happier person without this toxicity in your life.

He's projecting. He sexts other women so he assumes you sext other men.
He's unfaithful and verbally/emotionally abusive. You don't owe him a damn thing. Dump him without looking back.

So he's a perverted, dirty old man as well. Run, OP!

share what you've said here with family members you're meant to be going on holiday with; I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear about his sexual approaches to a much younger COUSIN. Get out, now - and make him leave the holiday!!!

Well done for taking the first step.

This, 100%. You've ripped the bandaid off, good job. Now you can start to heal.

Speaking from bitter experience. Your only regret will be that you didn't do it earlier.

It seems almost impossible to be married to a man. Most of them are just indescribably sh!t

Hard to believe he's 48, he sounds more like a teenager. You've done the hardest part by telling him, now stick to it. They'll be lots of drama with the cancelled holiday but concentrate on the practical stuff, important paperwork, legal advice, and money.

In the scheme of what you're enduring the holiday is completely irrelevant. This is your entire life, not two weeks of keeping up appearances. Well done on finding the courage and resolve to tell him. Try to stand firm with that and not give in to anything he does to persuade you otherwise. At the moment he's using aggression to intimidate you. He will probably try coercion, persuasion and promises to change and a whole repertoire of other things. Stay strong. You have taken a big step forward, don't step back again only to have to take that step again. See a solicitor next.