Am I a horrible person for being annoyed at a 12 year old?

[user18238]

I have a 10 month old DS. Me and DH have a lot of family support and take him out often but DH works a lot so any time we get together as a 3 at home in the evenings or weekends is amazing. DH is one of 4 siblings. His youngest DS is 12 years old. She has been babied and spoilt all her life as she was the youngest by about 14 years. She isn’t like most kids her age and struggles to relate to other people her age and is still quite childish. Now that my DS is at the stage where he is playing she has started to come over nearly every evening to “play with him” and rings us everyday that she is bored and wants to play with him. She doesn’t leave his side when he is here and is very in his face and if it wasn’t for us telling her to go home as it is his bedtime, she’d stay for a very long time. If we don’t pick up her phone calls, MIL rings DH telling him she is very upset. Am I just being horrible to not want her over everyday or is it a reason to be annoyed? I feel as though she sees my DS as a friend and a replacement to friends her own age which I feel as though wouldn’t be healthy as he is only going to get older and want to play with kids his own age. And MIL just wants to palm her off with us.

YANBU to not want her there everyday, but you are annoyed at the wrong person. Her mum can’t be bothered with her and guilts your DH into letting her come over - your MIL is the problem
and DH needs to learn to say no. The 12 year old isn’t doing anything wrong even if she’s ‘not like other kids her age’.

Be warned op. Ime when I put my foot down about sil not being allowed free access to ds relationships broke down quickly with ils. Never recovered tbh. For example I refused to allow SN sil aged under 10 to push ds around the streets in his pram. We lived 3 streets from ils. I offered her a buggy to play with her dolls but they weren't happy with that at all.

Dh needs to have a chat with his mother. I would find this whole situation exhausting . Your 10 mos old is not a replacement for your SIL’s lack of age appropriate friends. Perhaps set a day and time you would be happy to have SIL come over for a short visit. It’s also fine to firmly but nicely tell SIL “ It’s not a good time for your to visit right now. Shall we set a day and time for you to come see the baby?”

Urgh my dh would not have a a word said against his dps..
He wasn't Gej one trying to navigate the dc's a relationship with them.. I backed away eventually when I realised I was wasting my time..

When you say you have a lot of family support - from his family? Maybe MIL sees this as tit for tat, they help you and so she palms the 12 year old off on you too! Easily done if she loves it so much.

But yes this is too much and exhausting. But it is a MIL issue and for your DH to deal. Until then I would join a new club/become very busy (have a cuppa round the corner with a freeing if you need, just avoid home!) at after school times to break the habit!!!