To feel hopeless?

[crampyi]

Just cutting a long story short, I’m in my 20s and grew up in an abusive, manipulative household - police were involved. My awful parents always favoured my older brothers who were uneducated, unemployed, aggressive and violent. They always chose them over me. They are 6 and 12 years older than me. If they hit me, it was 8 year old me’s fault. I was shy and timid.

I left home at 18, got a degree and worked hard and lived completely independently since. However I’ve always suffered with a lack of confidence. I no longer contact my family.

I started a promotion last year, in a bit of an old boys club culture. My manager came on to me and I rejected him, he was very inappropriate. He then made my life miserable after I complained about him, fabricating events and falsifying disciplinary action against me in an attempt to manage me out of the company. I can see this going to an employment tribunal, he’s not even been discrete and I have evidence.

But I just feel hopeless, I feel like I have to fight at every corner for fair treatment throughout my life. Is this what life is really like, or am I just stuck in my feelings? I just feel like my face permanently doesn’t fit and I don’t have the energy to build cases for court etc just seems really bleak

so sorry you are going though this x

I think you should be immensely proud of yourself. You escaped an abusive childhood, got qualifications, challenged a dirty old perv and stood up to him, which was the right thing to do. If I was you I would be giving myself a slap on the back for being so awesome xxx

I can see why you have feelings of hopelessness as you've had to deal with some horrible things that no one should have to deal with. Perhaps talking it through with a therapist could help you, or just telling someone you can confide in how you feel. I had counselling 7 years ago after I had cancer and although I was sceptical, it really helped me that the counsellor acknowledged how awful it had been, I had a good cry, got everything off my chest and felt much better afterwards x

YANBU, but don't give up!

My life was similar, an absolute nightmare for the first 25-30yr. Everything that could go wrong did. Relationships, death, health, finances, abuse, mental health... I literally used to wake up in a morning and wonder what the next sledgehammer to hit would be. I had nobody. Bankrupt by mid-twenties.

I kept going and refused to give up trying for a more stable, settled, enjoyable life.

In my thirties now, living my dream life, dream career, lovely marriage, happy kids, health is better managed, great friends, stable finances. If I'd given up when I thought it would never get any better things would have continued to get worse.

Took me a long time to recognise that just cos it's always been shit, that doesn't mean it'll always be shit. Keep going. Don't give up. Don't stop trying. Life is rough for many of us. We also have it way better than many others who'd kill to wake up in a safe place with food to eat, water to drink, and no imminent threat of violence.

Morning. I just wanted to say, as now nearing 50 I have the benefit of living through some kinds of shit...that happy times, carefree times, not-much-going-on times and hopeful times do and will come along too. My heart goes out to you for seeming to have a few of the rough ones come one after the other. It is shit. But nothing stays the same forever. I suppose that's been my mantra at times. I'd say never lose hope, but I'd bolster that a bit by changing it to never lose expectation that there are better times to come. I'm sending you the will to get through this like you always have, don't give up now. You can acknowledge how hard it is right now but look it in the eye and carry on anyway. You're clearly made of strong stuff and I'm sure you can do this.

It definitely has a lasting impact on you, I had a similar childhood and it has taken a lot of work to undo the damage and to find a way to deal with the fallout.

I was always sceptical of counselling, but I found it really helped, would you consider something like this?

Those fuckers. Find your inner lioness and hold your head up high. You have done nothing wrong. It's not your fault you've been bullied throughout your life and it's totally unacceptable.

I was horribly bullied by older brothers and, like you, they were never stopped.

That's one of the reasons I am now SHE-RAAAAA!!!!! And don't take any shit from anyone.

All power to you. Hang on in there and take those bastards down.

(By the way, I am 5'1" but in my head I am 10 feet tall.)

Take back control, it will make you feel tons better. Speak to ACAS, CAB etc and get informed if you haven't already. Sexist bullies don't like being stood up to, I have been there and endured it. Its not nice so I truly understand but stand your ground, its not hopeless, you are stronger than you think, look how you outsmarted your family and achieved what you have.

Do it the right way, because, if you can't prove what he has been doing, then make sure you can prove they have treated you unfairly.

Big hugs, stand your ground and get support!

Goodness- you kick ass and have so much to be proud. Perhaps you need to reframe how you feel about your (frankly appealing ) upbringing. You are independent a strong. You are holding a man to account for his inappropriate behaviour. Forgive me as I know nothing, but perhaps see yourself as a survivor, not a victim of your early life. Instead of being brought down by these abusive people allow yourself to feel emboldened.

Fuck autocorrect- appalling childhood.

If it helps, I used to work presenting employment tribunals and the Chair would often be very understanding of the complainant, particularly if they were unrepresented. You don't need a cast of thousands, just prepare a witness statement setting out the facts and present them on the day, referring to the evidence you have. Any questions, PM me x

So sorry OP. 😓

I relate to some of your story. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.

But just to reiterate this ISN'T correct and you DO NOT deserve to be treated like this.