Help with toddler who wakes for the day at 4am

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We are on our knees.
Dd was 2 last month. Co-sleeps (we are working on the transition to own room) and for the last few weeks has been waking for the day at 4am or thereabouts. I try to explain it's still night time and turning my back on her/not engaging. I've tried putting her to bed later. I've got black out blinds for the room. It seems like it's habit/body clock now.
Despite napping later on in the day she is overtired and incredibly emotional/tantrummy throughout the day.
Dh and I have taken to alternating nights in the spare room so at least one of us can get some sleep.
Can anyone offer any advice on how to fix this or encourage her she can't get up yet? Once she's awake she just won't entertain the idea of nodding back off.

What time does she go to sleep? When/ how long are her naps?

I don’t have any suggestions other than I think you’re not too far off being able to introduce a gro clock, which she may or may not take to. I definitely introduced it to my daughter at 2 (not sure exactly when, probably at least 2.5) and since the day I introduced it she never woke me up before the sun came up, she got it straight away. She’d just sit in her cot looking at books or fall back to sleep. (Unfortunately my sister was not so lucky, and her son just ignored it or woke her up to tell her it wasn’t morning yet…until he was about 5.) but it definitely works for some.

She usually is knackered again by about 11 and will have 1-2 hours nap.

We had a similar period with DS. It wasn't that he was waking for the day, more that he just didn't know or understand the need to go back to sleep. It's hard to explain.

I read somewhere (probably on here?) that the way to break it was to wake him up myself, slightly BEFORE he would usually wake up, and then let him go back to sleep - basically to break the sleep cycle. It did actually work. Brutal - I'd drag myself up at around 3:30, go downstairs and wake him up - not fully but enough that he was half awake, then settle him back to sleep and he would then sleep through that 4am slot. To be honest, he still woek up early - but mojre like 5:30/6 and that was a lot more maneagable. From memory I did it for 3 or 4 days and then the pattern was broken and he went back to sleeping until a bit later. And we were all a lot happier .

It's so hard and feels like torture.

Really try to cut that nap or push it back til later. Shr is using that nap to catch up !

If she napped later she cld go to bed later and yoi would have a better cycle ?

I also really made an effort to leave m son when he did this for as long as possible...I was so stressed the sound of him stirring was waking Me..if his room is pitch dark can u really try and stretch him out not going to him first thing when he wakes

In Europe kids go to bed much later than in uk. We have a real early bed culture and I think of course feeds into early waking

I always recommended this on here!

Maybe it was you then?! Although this was about 10 years ago! And I've also been recommending it since. Not that I think anyone has ever taken the advice that I can tell. But it certainly did work for us in this one specific situation.

She co sleeps at the moment so once she's up she wakes whoever is sleeping with her up too. Then that's it for the day. When she moves into her own room (which will be soon) it will still create the same issue if she carries on waking early. I'm loathe to move her right now as she does generally go down and sleep well throughout the night so at least we have our evenings to decompress!

I would love to let her nap later and go to bed later but she is usually so tired it seems impossible, she will just nod off anyway.

Maybe these will help you're not the only one!

www.google.com/search?q=mumsnet+4am&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#ip=1

My little one has been through the 4am wake up, I then got her into my bed at 4am and she finally learnt to fall asleep again. Eventually stopped putting her in my bed and taking her back to her own bed and staying with her until she fell asleep. Then she went through the 5am phase. This morning was her first time waking up at 6am in her bed with no intervention. I've also capped naps at 1hr 30mins and will be reducing that down again now. When I do take her downstairs I don't change her nappy, she doesn't get anything she actually wants (cuddles with a book or. TV) and no food or drink until 6am.

Been doing this slowly for a few weeks and it is working. Here to read other tactics to get her and her brother to sleep into 9am on a Sunday now 😂😂😂😂😴

What’s your exact routine? What time does she go to bed and when does she nap?

get advice from Ann Caird at Nurturing sleep.

4.30 am is too early, do what you’re doing keep laying down in dark room, even if awake but keep it otherwise very quiet and dull, then wake up properly and start an active bright daytime routine at 6am (can gradually push that time back). Then perhaps at that age just one nap after lunch waking up by 2. Then a busy afternoon lots of light and fresh air and bed at 7?

What are you going at 0400? If you’re getting up with them, of course they will want to wake up early and get up. You need to keep everything as dark as possible, minimal interaction, no toys, etc.

Its the early nap. Too early a nap makes kids wake early.

You need to consistently push the nap later. It will take probably 2-3 weeks to take effect.

We don't get up immediately. As I said, I try to explain to her that it's still night time and encourage her to lay back down. I roll over and don't engage. Sometimes she'll lay quietly for a bit but not for long. I refuse to get out of bed til 5am but by that point there's very little else I can do with her. She isn't going to settle and she starts getting irritable that we aren't getting up.
She will nap at around 10:30-11am for about 1.5 hours then go to bed at around 6:45-7pm.
Without the nap she would be horrendous. She's already overtired in the afternoon.

Get her out in the fresh air at 10.15 until 11.30am, then lunch and nap. Being outside usually keeps my little one occupied and not as crabby. But no car rides or buggies. Just the garden with some activities like water play to drag out that nap until later.