To tell dd to up her game

[Justrolledmyeyesoutloud]

DD just finished Year 7 - had a cracking year, settled really well and made loads of new friends which has been great to see.
At Primary, she was always top of the class, got greater depth in her sats and was motivated to do well.
Now she does the bare minimum to scrape through and is probably just above average. expected this as it is a bigger pool of kids. Her school report had no comments, just predicted GCSE grades that weren't great.
I had a chat with her and said right in Year 8, you need to knuckle down a bit and focus more on your work but she said she doesn't want to be a nerd. Obvs told her not to worry about what other people think. How do l inspire her to be her best??

I think you need to tackle the 'I don't want to be a nerd' idea. Where has that come from and why does she think being clever has negative connotations? What does she want to do when she finishes school? What does she think the 'too cool for school girls' with no qualifications do when they finish school?

It's weird because her new group of friends are all lovely girls who don't seem like they would take the mickey if she did well - in fact a few of them are in the top set with her. And she has always been a don't care what people think of me type of a girl. I did say anyone that takes the mickey will be long gone but the time you have to get a job etc.

How is she around homework? If she doesn't have a settled routine in place with a quiet place to work, then sorting that out would help. Perhaps also if you find out about her homework timetable and get involved a bit, e.g. to offer to test her on things she has to learn, help with things she has to research, etc?

She always does it and regualry gets credits for doing it so no problem there which is good. I tend to leave her to it as it always gets done but yes l could get more involved. Only child, got a big bedroom and loads of space and peace to do it all with no distractions so no issues there.
Loves French - favourite subject and we are going in the holidays so that will support her a bit l hope.

I'd just leave it now, you don't want it to become an issue unnecessarily. The more you nag/go on, the more she's likely to push back. Hopefully, seeing her report will give her a bit of a shock and she'll knuckle down next term.

Do you get a parents evening in the autumn term? That would be a good time to touch on the issue again.

Can you encourage her to find interests that support her subjects without being directly related to school so it encourages her to learn around her work? Does she have any ambitions for the life she wants in future, I think kids just find it hard to see the relevance in the grand scheme of life if they do poorly in a test without thinking of how being “average” when you could be making yourself stand out can hold her back. For example her expected grades could be the different in her getting work placements or internships etc over someone else with better overall performance. But unless she has something to motivate her she’s not really going to care much.

It seems like she’s quite focused on “being cool” which isn’t unusual for her age but you at some point need her to see that she doesn’t need to dumb down to fit in and if she did slack off and come out with poor grades at the end of school then that’s something that has consequences for the next stage of her life (when the “cool kids” will have probably moved on themselves).

I agree - said it once, we will enjoy the summer now and see how Year 8 starys - parents' evening will be early December. Thanks x

She is very relaxed about the future, isn't competitive or ambitious really which l am glad about for her mental health as she puts no pressure on herself at all!
We are going to France soon and that is her absolute fave subject so that will be good for her l hope.
She already goes to a spprts club but that doesn't support her learning - more that she has learnt respect for her coaches and being part of a team.
Maybe she is just too young to realise the future isn't that far away!

Is she at an all girls school? If not this shit may coming from the boys/her perception of what will get her male approval. Lots of girls of that age think being clever or high achieving makes them undesirable or masculine 🙄.

No at a local mixed comp. She isn't into boys yet at all and cares not one jot about what they think of her. Has a few male friends but is pulling away from them as she is all about her girl friends Not sure how long that will last!

Its key during year 8 and 9 to keep her engaged, without KS3 Sats to aim for it becomes abit of a nothing year.

I keep an eye out on Eventbrite for activities / open lectures open to all at local unis, the Royal institute, poetry readings, theatre shows, tech a thons, museum and gallery exhibitions etc so she is exposed to as many careers as possible to keep her focused on next steps.

Also DD is an only so sometimes I sit with her when she's doing her homework as a study buddy.

If she was previously a high achiever it's worth finding out whether it's actually just an issue with exam technique, past paper and mark schemes are available on the exam board website and worth looking at to see what the examiner is actually looking for if the school are using GCSE style questions.

Yes l have been told Year 8 is a bit nothingy.
She used to read loads but not so much now so l have limited time on her phone so it doesn't distract her.
There is nothing wrong with being good enough but l hate wasted potential!
Will keep an eye out for theatre shows etc - love an enriching activity!

Have you thought modelling what you're saying to her? Could you do a course and sit next to her and study while she does her homework? Doesn't have to be anything serious, there are lots of free or very cheap courses. It's all about furthering yourself and developing a variety of skills, not necessarily directly about the subject you choose.

Then the advice above about widening her experiences with museums, galleries, discussing the news at the dinner table, reading a newspaper article together, theatre. It opens up their knowledge of language which supports understanding in exam papers.

Thank you - l quite often have to do training sessions online at home and always tell her when l am doing that. We talk about politics (although we keep it light!) And some current events.
But yes doing some extra courses is a great idea!

I think yr 7 is quite young to already be thinking about GCSEs results tbh. Ime it’s quite normal for dc who are top of the class in primary to slow down in secondary for a number of reasons. She had a good year as you said & she may become competitive if her peers are doing well.

The secret is to be an undercover nerd, at home 🤓

If you can, delve a bit more into what it means to "be a nerd". I was at a girls' grammar school, and was socially excluded for being bright but not sporty. Yes, I always had a group of friends, but I faced a lot of unpleasantness from those who were not among my small group of friends.

Teenage years are when you move away from your family and start testing out your place among your peers. That's going to be her highest priority and unfortunately for some people it conflicts with achievement.

I was thinking this. A boy I taught was popular, voted prom king, everyone liked him, but his mum was strict and some weekends he had to stay home to do chores, he was grounded, to look after siblings, family event, church, mum forcing him to have a tutor, the list was endless... And all a lie. His mum didn't mind being the excuse, he just made good choices to stay home and study. One of the nicest young men I've ever taught too. We had a great giggle when he walked out on results day with one of the best set of grades in the year. It didn't come to him naturally, he really had to work for it and deserved the lot.

@BookArt yes I've known several students like that, or those who were very bright, messed around at school distracting those around them and then walking away in year 11 with 7 or higher in all their GCSEs either due to their innate ability, or their stealthy at home study habits whilst their peers who messed around and didn't realise they were actually working at home walked out with 5 or below.