To think this is not acceptable behaviour from a four year old?

[scottishheather86]

My four year old daughter is friends with a girl of the same age. However, I find her friend's behaviour too much. The little girl is very overpowering over my daughter. She tells my daughter off, tells her she is naughty and is constantly telling her what she can and can't do! She likes to show off and say 'I've got this and you haven't.' My daughter enjoys playing with her at first but then very quickly gets upset when the other girl starts to boss her around or dictates what she does. I am trying to teach my daughter to stand up for herself and that nobody can her what to do other than teachers and mummy and daddy.

None of her other friends behave like this, and I am seeing some of this behaviour rub off onto my little girl. When she starts bragging.

Why would a four year old behave like this?

Has anyone else experienced this? How have you dealt with this? I'm trying to avoid one on one play dates, but even in a group setting she seems to pick on my daughter and boss her around.

Any advice would be great!

It’ll be monkey see, monkey do, I expect, from working with children. It sounds like learned behaviour. Do you know much about her parents/family?

@mummytobequestions Thanks so much for the insight. And I believe that too. But I am just sad she picks on my daughter over the other children. It almost also feels insecure behaviour, but I don't know if that's a thing at four years old?

Is this happening at school/nursery/ holiday clubs etc? If so, tell any adults that have any contact in the provision of care for both kids, so that they can equally manage the situation and advocate for your daughter. They also might be better equipped to mention to the troublemakers parents about their daughter's behaviour, rather than you having to deal with the other parent directly.

At four - it's important to remember that kids are kids and as other person mentioned, it is typically learned behaviours - not a calculated vendetta upon your daughter specifically. I'd maybe try the approach of not making it not a serious subject with your daughter (while supporting her of course and advocating for her) as that may make her feel less inclined to brush or laugh it off - reassure her that the other child's behaviour is wrong, and silly, and not to take it seriously or be influenced by it. Unless it's at school, can you control or limit / minimize the time the girls spend together?

Sounds pretty frustrating! In a couple of years in a larger peer group, kids like this will learn pretty quickly what behaviour will make friends, and what won't!

I personally think that's what she's hearing and seeing at home. I have a just 4 year old and he's started roll playing and will copy things his father and I say or do ( which is luckily really sweet).

All you can do is teach your child to say 'I don't like that', remove herself from the game etc if that happens and make sure she knows she's not naughty etc

Sadly, some kids have horrible parents/parents who don't know how to encourage kids. If you're the teacher, social worker etc you can hope to influence but probably not in your position.

Does she have older siblings? If so, she's probably on the receiving end of being told what to do, and is just taking her chance to put the boot on the other foot.

Encourage your dd to play with other children instead of this girl. Explain to her that good friends don't say mean things and upset you all the time. She is better off without a friend like this.

Thanks for all great advice! No, no siblings. I was expecting lots of comments saying 'this is just how four year olds behave.' I'm relieved there have been none of these comments, as I feel horrible for not wanting my child to play with another young child!

I think there is a balance between teaching your kid to deal with others (as that's an important part of life), and also knowing when to cut off/limit certain types of contact. As someone who works as a TA, there are absolutely plenty of children I wouldn't like mine picking up habits from!

Thanks so much @Saoirse96 this makes me feel better!