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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moving on

6 replies

scruncjie · 21/07/2024 02:22

Posting for traffic

Separated for 10 months. On and off talking, very clear we both love each other and miss each other

Decided to give it a go again.

During the split, DP has joined a dating site. He says for a social life (I believe this as he has no friends or family and he was on the site for this reason when we met) the site has live streams and he was talking to people on there. Again, all above board as he did this when we met. It's how I met him really.

He has spoken to a few women on the site and added them to Facebook, where presumably he's continued chatting.

He hasn't told any of the women about me, apart from 1 (who has a partner so is just a friend). This is a red flag to me - if he's not trying to date, why isn't he mentioning me? He mentioned me to his friend on the site saying he missed me etc... why not the other women then! I asked him and he said "why would I talk to a girl about my ex" which implies he was trying to date them. Although he didn't know them very well so could just be being private.

The whole time he's done this, he's been telling me he loves me and wants me back. He says he was flirting with some women but there was no meeting, he was just distracting himself and filling a void. He said they peaked his interest with the way they look (he thought they were attractive) so he got talking but he lost interest in them very quickly because they're not me, and they're now all blocked. He says he wasn't talking to them "like that" eg - dating chatter.

I can't get over this, feels like he's moving on. He thinks I'm unreasonable as nothing happened. He didn't want to be with any of them, they were just someone to talk to. He says he was depressed (true) and thinking of me the whole time, which is why he didn't want to date them.

He's deleted the dating site and all the women from Facebook, and proved this. He seems very focussed on fixing us as he thought I'd never come back.

I know he'd slept with a few women last year, I'd also slept with other people - and I can handle that. But the dating site makes me feel like he was moving on and trying to find a relationship. He denies this, says he didn't like anyone, it was a case of "she's pretty I'll talk to her, someone to talk to".

I have no idea how far it went - he says he didn't sleep with anyone. But I'm over thinking - did he video chat, send naughty stuff, go on a date etc?

AIBU - he was single and nothing happened so forget it and move on
YNBU - he's a prick

OP posts:
serialcatbuyer · 21/07/2024 03:15

You should try to get over it. You've both done worse, and your relationship was strong enough to overcome that. Think of the future and be happy

Aquamarine1029 · 21/07/2024 03:44

I have no idea how far it went - he says he didn't sleep with anyone. But I'm over thinking - did he video chat, send naughty stuff, go on a date etc?

Why would any of that matter considering you don't care that he slept with other women last year?

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 21/07/2024 06:27

YABU - he was single. So we're you. You need to move on from this seeming jealousy if you're going to make a success of your relationship going forward. Wishing you luck

Chillilounger · 21/07/2024 06:41

He wasn't in a relationship with you at the time. You can't hold it against him. I would be more worried that he's obviously so worried about your reaction that he's minimising and saying it was just for the social life. Accept it for what it was and put your energy into making this time work.

PBandJ111 · 21/07/2024 06:44

Move on!

Justleaveitblankthen · 21/07/2024 10:34

So he chats with women and then simply unceremoniously blocks them? 🤨
What a Prince you have there.

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