New puppy - hurt exes feelings?

[Honeymonster2]

Ex left a few months ago, we've been very friendly since and he spends the weekends here.

I asked him the other day how he'd feel if me and the children got a dog, he said it was a bad idea. So, I've got the dog anyway lol it's my sisters dogs puppies that were born yesterday so will be 8 weeks before we get him. I told the ex today that we're going for it and he went quiet and just said good luck with that... I left it a few hours and asked if he wanted to see pictures of the puppy and he straight said no.

I'm wondering have I been insensitive to him, it's like we've moved on or replaced him or something? He actually loves dogs, so I'm wondering if I'm being unkind here. Reminding him he doesn't live here any more, or maybe it's because I'm giving the kids something he can't or something? I just thought it would be cute to have a friend for me and give the kids some responsibility eventually.

I don’t see why it was even something you feel the need to run by him.

He has no control over what you do and you have made the abundance clear by asking him, then disregarding what he said.

Your mistake was asking his opinion. You aren't partners anymore.

He shouldn't be staying on a weekend, as it blurs the boundaries

It's not about him. It's sounds as though you are blurring the lines a little by letting him have an opinion on your home and even worse stopping weekends.
More to the point, what sort of puppy do you have, and are there any photos 😉

Is he an ex? Cause it sounds like he spends regular time there with you, you are asking his opinion on stuff that doesn't effect him,?

Why is it anything to do with him?

It's a cockapoo! He's so tiny 😃

Why on earth are you asking your ex about this sort of thing in the first place? Who cares what he thinks about a puppy? He’s not your partner.

Why is he staying over at weekends? Either you’re together or you’re not. This all sounds messy and unhealthy.

Don't ask someone's opinion on something if you're not going to take it into account.

Never expect someone to be interested in something when you damned well know they think it's a bad idea.

Never ask him to dog sit

Yeah I think I'm finding it hard to know where I stand with everything. It's hard letting go to be honest.

He stays here because he hasn't got the space to have our children at his mums house

Oh God. Just why. Why are you asking if he wants pictures of a dog that has nothing to do with him? Why are you asking his permission for anything ? Just why.

So cute, enjoy him. ❤️

I did take it in to account, but I decided the other direction. But you are right about the other stuff, I shouldn't expect him to care or be interested

I asked if he wanted to see as his children are excited about it so maybe he wants to know about it, but yes I shouldn't have asked his opinion before hand. It's a 10 year relationship, where I walked on eggshells for years of it, so it's a habit I need to break

For the sake of you all the weekend staying needs to stop.

You're in a weird limbo situation that isn't sustainable. When you, or him, meets someone else it's all going to change, which will cause resentment.

You're play acting at being in a couple, and this has caused his feelings around the puppy, because his opinion hasn't been listened to.

Put some boundries in place now because this will all become a mess sooner or later.

On a different note... what are you calling the puppy 😍

Firstly, It's weird that your ex stays at your house on the weekends. Is it to see the kids? Why can't he take them to his own house? When do you get your childfree time?

Secondly, why are you even bothered about his opinion?!

I'm on good terms with my ex but he gets in weird huffs about somethings I do sometimes. But I don't rise to it. You don't need to work out why he's acting that way anymore or even discuss it with him. You just say 'OK, see you next weekend' and close the door on him and his bullshit.

How cute , have you picked a name yet ? I don’t think you have been insensitive at all. You are no longer together, so the decision to get a puppy is yours to make. I think in the longer term, it is probably sensible to detach from each other a bit though. It will help you both move on.

Yeah it's to see the children, he doesn't have much space at his mums house for them and defo no room to sleep there. Today I spent a few hours in my room, was mostly childfree 😄

Why on earth are you even asking him? You aren’t together & it’s none of his business?’ Why do you need his opinion or validation?

I don't know to be honest. I've spent a long time scared to do or say the wrong thing so I guess I'm finding it hard to have the strength to care less

Your ex can get a puppy/dog himself, if he wants one.

How would you feel if he got a girlfriend? Are you ready for that?

It would certainly make me very sad as we were together 10 years and have been split up 3 months.

You need to start pushing to knock this staying over at weekends on the head. You're both still far too involved in each other's lives. Or rather, he is far too involved in yours. This is showing in he thinks he's entitled to an opinion about the dog and you still consider his opinion on the dog.

I do get what you're saying because I was like you, it took me a long time to stop caring about his opinion. Then I realised that I'd spent our entire relationship tiptoeing around his needs and ignoring my own. When I started putting myself first it was amazing.

Tell him as of next weekend, he picks the kids up at 9am on Saturday and brings them back an hour before bedtime. Same again on Sunday. Where they go or what they do during that time is none of your concern.

he left you and the DC. why are you even asking him such questions. You need to rethink your boundaries. I cannot understand why you are bothered at all by his reaction. You getting a dog has nothing to do with him.

Can he take the kids out. Spending weekends at yours, doesn't sound healthy/helpful. And why is he not getting his own place since it's been a while that he left?

zebedeehadapoint
How would you feel if he got a girlfriend? Are you ready for that?

It would certainly make me very sad as we were together 10 years and have been split up 3 months.

See, the dog thing comes across as a red herring. It's about you keeping him close and involved and not being able to let go. Be careful, if you lull yourself into feeling 'safe' in this state you'll get a mighty shock when a girlfriend suddenly pops up, and she will! Get boundaries and distance now to weaken the connection and emotional reliance.