Should I bail on the plans?

[notsuuure]

My friend has invited me for some drinks with two of her friends that I don't really know. I'm meant to meet them in london today at 4. They all live in London but I don't. My friend and her friends are all from well of families and are models and influencers. I'm a teacher so I can't really keep up and she's booked a really expensive place. Think £20 a drink. She has been travelling the world for a year so this is the first time I'd see her though.
We have been friends since school but since we're older she now has two sides to her, the one with me and the one with her influencer friends. I love her when it's just us two but I always feel like she comes across really fake and shallow when she's with her influencer friends and I really struggle to relate to them. It's like she's trying to be someone else and she won't be weird or silly with me like she usually is if there's others around.
Anyway, she's just rung me to say that a guy she used to sleep with and his friends have invited us all to dinner at 8pm and that her and the others want to go. I said I don't want to hang out with some random guys really so I'd just go home. I know they'll all just couple off and I'll feel awkward.
Anyway, now I'm feeling like just cancelling altogether. I have so much work to do for Mondays that I need to spend time on and I'd spend so much money I don't have right now and have to get 4 hours worth of trains there and back just to see them for a few hours.
Would I be a terrible person to just cancel on her?
How should I word it if I do?
I know I sound silly so pls be kind

You want to cancel but are looking for us to tell you are correct to fee this way.

You’re a grown adult. If you don’t want to go, cancel and explain that you don’t have the money or the time. This isn’t the big deal that you are making it out to be.

Make your own decisions and feel confident in making them. Stop wasting time worrying

I on the other hand give you full permission to cancel. Doesn't spark joy, don't do it

Has your school year not ended? If not, and you want an excuse, I think having too much work to do is fine.

But just say you can't really afford it and although you want to see your friend, could she meet you for something less expensive, just the two of you, another day? Possibly something halfway between you and London.

Totally this. Going is not compulsory, and, given the reasons the OP has mentioned, cancelling is totally understandable.

Just be honest and say you would rather make alternative plans for another time with just the two of you. I’ve hated it in the past when a mate has invited others to what should have just been a get together with the two of us, it totally changes the dynamic, and as you have noticed, it changes them, I now honestly just make it clear that’s how I feel. If they don’t feel the same, then you are not compatible as friends.

I too would cancel, and quite honestly OP, the next time you see your friend alone, I would tell her that while you love her to bits, you feel that she acts differently when other friends are around, so in future, could you just keep things between the two of you? If she can't see this, or says you're being silly, etc., then I'd think twice about continuing the relationship, but that's just me, I can't be bothered wasting time with people I neither like, nor care about.

Cancel, it all sounds v v expensive!

I cancelled and she's had a massive go at me down the phone. Apparently they booked a cheaper place to accommodate me and now they're all having to go there instead of where they wanted to go. She basically told me I was unorganised, the amount of work I had was myself and I'd ruined the day. Quite upset really.
I have other friends who if one of us ever needs to cancel then there are no hard feelings, we understand eachother and that things change sometimes. I wasn't really expecting her to get so angry.

Oh dear. I can understand she was annoyed at the short notice, but having a go at you was unnecessary.

I can see why you didn't want to go, I would effectively felt like a gooseberry starter, while they were all biding their time waiting for the evening.

I would message her in a few days and try and arrange something else, but leave the ball in her court to come back to you.

She doesn't sound very nice.

If you said you didn’t want to go for the dinner it’s not your fault they booked a cheaper place.

she doesn’t sound like much of a friend

I'd have probably said I wasn't well just to keep the peace. Given that you cancelling doesn't affect her going out (the cheap place comment was ridiculous) I think she has been unreasonable

She doesn't sound great and you really need to work on your self-esteem. You are wasting so much emotional energy comparing yourself to other people who don't even matter.

Is the cheaper place 20 a drink? I can easily afford that but I still think that's a ridiculous amount to pay for a drink.

Yanbu, she's also lying. Why would the other friends who are well off and don't know you, book a place that's cheaper just to accommodate you? What's in it for them? She's lying just to make you feel bad, so don't.

Read the thread about the op who went on holiday with people exactly like this, the influencer types too and what a disaster it was. Count yourself lucky to have missed an awful evening out.

But she was the one who changed the plan, wasn’t she? You thought you were going out as a group of 4 girls at 4, and at 8 she’s off doing something else. Just because she invited you to this new (dreadful) plan doesn’t mean she hasn’t made other plans. She sounds like a bit of a nitwit.

VickyEadieofThigh · Today 11:47
Has your school year not ended?

Some schools don't finish till Tuesday

Be glad you cancelled! She sounds horrible and has shown her true colours. She wants to move the goalposts (dinner with random men) but feels you aren’t allowed to cancel despite the change in plans. Even the original plan sounds like a massive amount of time, expense and hassle for you without much payoff as you couldn’t even have a proper catch up with your friend.

Do something nice for yourself, spend some of what the evening would have cost on some nice food or a takeaway and have a relaxing evening.

I'm really sorry to hear that that's the message you got back, she was probably with her 'influencer' friends, and was trying to show off. I don't think I could continue to be friends with someone who is so false that she behaves in different ways depending on who she's with, but that's just me.

If that was her reaction you were right to cancel