Driving anxiety should I sell car ?

[Calsmum2]

Hi please can I have some advice
passed my test first time 10 years ago then got a small hatchback manual a few months in I had a little bump in a car park ( bollard ) and gave the car and driving up due to this and also cost . Less than a year of having car.

I went a few years without driving which was ok as we lived in a city . However a few years ago we moved to rural coastal location and it played on my mind lack of buses etc so saved up a decent amount and last year bought a newish car ( automatic)

The car is a small suv type so bigger than my first little manual however it’s a ok size with camera etc . It’s more I get anxiety when driving like few sick and sweaty , I think it’s more I worry about all the idiots on the road than my own ability.
I also panic about if a tyre goes or breakdown etc , ( I’m in green flag ) I’m unsure why it happens as if I get a lift by someone I don’t worry at all.

I’m trying to plan days out over the summer hols to wildlife parks etc no bus goes direct to them so driving is only option unless bus then walk down dangerous country roads etc . Just feeling like should I sell the car and use the money for taxis etc or should I try and do this driving for my kids to get out and about ?

feel abit of a let down parent right now and unsure what to do

I completely understand as I also have driving anxiety but I'd try and stick with it.
How much driving are you doing at the moment? What helped me was just driving as much as I could and learning particular routes well so they no longer seemed scary. I still don't like driving but I'm glad I can do it. I live in a city but it's still so useful to be able to pick the children up from their friends houses, take them to activities, drive to a shop, go out somewhere nice for the day. I think you'd feel extremely isolated if you couldn't drive in a rural location. Also it's not good to be completely dependent on another person to drive you around.

I went through an extreme period of driving anxiety a few years ago caused by a random panic attack on the motorway.
Knowing how panic/anxiety works, I immediately sort CBT. Basically the therapy was to do as much of the driving that freaked me out as possible. The more you do something, the less anxious you get. I am more or less back to where I was.

Can you do something similar? Take yourself out in the car as much as possible. It's the only real way you will get more comfortable with driving. And the independence is so worth it.

Stick with it. Maybe a different car will work for you. A small SUV is still a lot bigger than a hatch back. Go back to a smaller car

I'm the same OP. Only my anxiety is about my own competence. I can't get over the intrusive thoughts that I will make an error and hurt someone. Luckily for me, it isn't an issue as I can walk and use public transport which is healthier and greener anyway. If I wasn't able to, I'm not sure what I'd do if I'm honest. All I can say to you is make the choice that's right for you without feeling shamed or bullied by the you MUST drive!!! brigade (you'll get loads on this thread!) Not driving isn't the end of the world. Its inconvenient at times, but there's always a work around, so it's your choice.

Book some lessons with a good instructor in your own car. You just need practice

I really sympathise, I've always had driving anxiety and now aged 51 I still have it. It comes and goes.

Looking back to when my kids were little I'm so sad that we missed out on so much because I wasn't always able to just jump in the car and take them out.

My advice is to always allow lots of time so you never feel rushed and panicked, plan routes in advance and take your time.

If you don't feel confident to do a particular trip then that's ok, it doesn't mean you can't go somewhere different tomorrow or next week, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

How old are you OP? Driving anxiety seems to be very common in perimenopause. I took anti anxiety meds for a year, which I'd never done in my life, and it sorted it out for me.

Can imagine it's very difficult but consistent and repeated exposure as well as reminding yourself of the independence, ease and extra time it brings you rather than having to rely on public transport or miss out on days/trips where it's not available.
I'd give yourself plenty time for each trip, so you can take it easy and stop if you need to but I think the important thing is you keep going. Then keep pushing yourself to go a little further or take a road you might usually avoid such as a motorway until your confidence grows.

I had this for years and it seriously limited my life at a time when my kids were small and i could have really done with being able to drive. What fixed it for me was having a serious illness. I realised I wanted to live life to the full. I started very small, very short and easy trips to a friend up the road and back. When I was confident with that I did a bit more. After about a year I was confident to drive absolutely anywhere. It's better for the environment not to drive though!!

I had driving anxiety so what I did was go out when I knew it would be quiet and drove around. I couldn’t get lost as I had sat nav. I took a few months but now you’d never know I used to have it. Love driving now.

I was going to suggest this, explain the situation, can't be unusual.

Its hard when the xnxiety is so bad you can't even face getting in a car with an instructor. It's easy for other people to say just get in the car & do repeated little journeys bur for some people it's not that simple.

I had driving anxiety and the way I got over it was by driving in familiar places and gradually extending to more challenging roads. I'd also consider a couple of refresher lessons. Personally I wouldn't give up x

I totally understand how you feel as I was terribly anxious about driving, even missed my nephew's christening because I was too scared to make the journey!
In the end I found making the same small trips regularly really helped and later I was forced to make more difficult journeys when caring for my mum. (For those who know, think East Surrey Hospital car park a few years ago! Sodding nightmare!)
It did take a while, but I am much better now. Like you I live rurally with little public transport, it's not easy to get a taxi either so I would struggle without doing it. Although I don't actively enjoy driving, I don't worry about it anything like I used to. Hopefully this thread has shown you that you're far from alone in feeling like this, I really thought I was! Xx

I would start by spending some money on CBT to address the anxiety, or you could try going via your GP. It's expensive but better value in the long run than taxis. Also lots of self talk about how different your new car is to your old one. The tech has come on so much. Cameras are an absolute game changer for parking.

As well as the refresher lessons do you have a trusted friend or family member who could accompany you while you practice? If so don't be shy of asking them. I remember my husband taking a day's leave just to sit with me while I drove to work. It was so incredibly helpful.

This is what I was going to say 👍

Don't sell the car. Drive more, until it becomes routine and boring. Start with local routes you know well and then gradually expand.

stick with it, but consider swapping for a smaller car, I feel less anxious in smaller cars

and book some lessons with an instructor to improve your confidence

And if you get a flat tyre, either pull off the side of the road if there's space, or if not, stick your hazards on and limp to somewhere that is safe. The contact your breakdown service who will come out and help you. Don't sit in the car on the side of the road - get out and move back from it.

I'm the opposite - I feel much less anxious in a bigger car (but I'm severely claustrophobic which is the problem!)

You would do yourself and your kids a huge disservice by selling the car. Make sure your kids are belted up nicely in their car seats with lots of toys and books. Then take yourself out twice a day at least. Small journeys. Each week extend the journey by 10 mins. Get to know your area really well and places where you can stop to rest. The biggest thing you can do is book with a nice Driving instructor and have regular top up lessons to address the issues you have. Make sure they are a really nice calm person. And swap if you are not comfy with them. Next the CBT will be very helpful. You’ve got this. I went through this as a newly passed teen. The aoluti9n was to get into the driving seat and just drive every day. I was so much better in weeks. Also I made sure to take a good calm friend with me. 20 years later I am doing great.

I would feel anxious too after some years without driving but may I suggest booking some refresher lessons or a confidence course with a driving instructor who has experience with driving anxiety and a nice calming manner? Then some practice or an advanced driving course? Selling the car and giving up is so final and there may be other options that will help you.

Don't give up, OP.

My experience is that people who have driving anxiety also have anxiety in other or all parts of their life. I've got a lot of experience in this, and have never come across anyone* who would hop on any plane alone, plan an adventure, do something adrenaline-charged or anything alone, out of the norm, yet can't drive from A to B.

*except for those job/accident related.

Address your anxiety in general.

I didn't drive for TEN years between 30 and 40 because of elevated anxiety that affected my whole life but manifested itself most in driving - because everything else I could downplay or avoid in the main, without drawing attention to it.

the specialist help I got to overcome it was life changing in more than just driving.

I think the answer is practice, initially at less-busy times, and maybe some refresher lessons with an instructor if you can afford it.

I had really bad driving anxiety a few years ago. It was triggered by a speeding ticket (caused by an honest mistake on my part) although it was realistically probably part of something bigger and even short local runs were a real thought. It's come and gone since then but much less of an issue these days.

I persevered through (very hard at times) to the point where I can even take city driving in unfamiliar places more in my stride now.

I didn't try CBT or lessons with an instructor (wish I had as these sound great ideas). Start small, make yourself drive regularly and locally and build up to further afield. Don't not drive, whatever you do. You will get through this but you have to keep doing it.

A weird tip that might help is to use sat nav even if you know exactly where you're going - I like to tune into the instructions if I'm feeling anxious and treat it as a step by step exercise as well as being reassured that I'm in the correct lane at e.g. busy junctions.