Does it make you feel anxious when people don't text you back?

[Nurseynurse665]

I text my sister 4 hours ago offering to have her daughter in a few weeks for the day. I have my neice for the day once a month. She hasn't opened my message or replied. She's been active on social media.

This would really bug me, I’d assume they were ignoring me. In saying that I know I have issues with this sort of thing and feel rejected easily. If I was offering a favour and didn’t get a reply I’d be (irrationally) furious and delete the message.

No wouldn't bother me if they ever did.

No. I’d assume they were busy. My sister will read messages and forget to reply. She’s just busy and a bit dopey

It's been 4 hours, you are being really unreasonable.

If you're aware that she is currently active on social media, she may not have even noticed your message yet. If you need an answer, then just call her.

Why don't you call her if you need an answer urgently?

In my 20s and before personal development, yeah.. in my 30s absolutely not! Not bothered at all, and don't hold anything against anyone or give it a second thought 😁

No not remotely. I probably wouldn’t even notice/register lack of response until a couple of days had passed.

No, if it was important I would call or track then down somehow

I hate this constant need to be in contact or if not constant having to be in contact to meet someone else's timetable for what is acceptable

No. And 4 hours is ridiculously quick! After 4 days I might start to notice, I suppose. Lots of us ignore our phones/are busy for long periods of time.

That would make me angry ratter than anxious. I’d maybe be anxious if she hadn't posted on sm and I was concerned at not hearing from her for a while.

People will say that she doesn’t know the answer yet but the polite thing to do would be to write that in reply! Even if she’s reluctant, it takes a minute to write ‘let me think about it.’

So many ways to communicate nowadays but way less courtesy.

No it doesn't. It does make me feel annoyed if someone says 'you haven't replied to my msg but I can see youve been on social media' though..

Yeah I suppose it's also me offering help and not feeling appreciated.

No, sometimes my phone is in my bag, or I've left it upstairs. It's usually on silent so even if it's in front of me I might miss a text.

No, it wouldn't make me anxious, it's only 4 hours. Unless I was worried for someone's wellbeing a lack of reply to a text is a non-issue really.

I often chuck my phone down and don't touch it for hours if I'm busy. Or I'll pick it up to stick something on Instagram quickly but not look at my messages. I don't feel the need to be constantly available to everyone in my life, everyone knows this, if it's urgent they'll call me.

Have you tried calling her? "Sorry to call just haven't heard from you and could do with an answer asap so I can make plans?"

I’m a bit but much less now as I realized that I also did this sometimes for an innocent reason. I’m out and about and do light stuff on SM like short replies or likes but to plan something I need to come home, sit and check my and DH’s calendars calmly. Some people might answer: will check and come back to you later. But most of them ( me including 😔) would just carry on and then would forget with other things and then remembered panicking at 1 am at the morning.
So nothing sinister about this approach.
Another thing is that people might have notifications for one thing but not for another. DH hasn’t got notifications on for WhatsApp messages for a while ( not intentionally) and it drove me bonkers as I couldn’t understand why he’s not answering a simple question.

So are you offering help because you actually want to help, or just to get recognition for offering?

But after 4 hours, no I wouldn’t think anything if it

I want to help but it would be nice if it was appreciated too.

Depends, my brother always leaves me on read and I get a bit annoyed think ok rude, but if it's a guy I've been seeing and he ignores me after sex then I feel like shit.

No, I’d assume they were busy, or hadn’t noticed it, or had read it but weren’t in a position to reply immediately.

No. I will reply when I'm ready. I'm not on 24 hour call.

Wouldn’t occur to me to be bothered I couldn’t care less. The only time I’m even remotely bothered about anyone messaging me back is if it’s time sensitive such as when do you need picking up, what time are we meeting today etc

No, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. You’ve texted her about something that might be happening in ‘a few weeks’ so why do you need an instant answer?! If you can’t bear to wait for someone to reply to you, call them. But to me getting stroppy/stressed if you don’t get an immediate reply, about something non-urgent, just seems entitled and demanding. People don’t have to stop what they’re doing to give you instant attention.

OP I saw this on social media this morning -

I've taken more than 4 hours to respond to my DH on many occasions (as has he). I read the alert when it flashes up on my lock screen so I don't need to open it and often forget to reply.