Money and new partner..unsure

[Venezuala2007]

Hi all,
I just wanted to get some views on this situation as I'm unsure if I am overthinking this.
I have been divorced 4 years, have 1 primary age dc and been in a new relationship for almost 2 years now. I met him at a hobby and knew him as a friend before we started a relationship. He is a lovely, funny, calm and decent person. Completely different in all the right ways to my xh. I was very weary of dating or anything following a very difficult divorce but things naturally evolved. I adore this man, he is incredibly patient and has understood how slowly I've needed to take things. He has only very recently met my daughter and then only briefly. We only spend time together when she's with her dad. BF has no kids, I don't want any more and he is fine with this.
BF currently lives with his sibling in a large house with no mortgage (his parents sadly passed away and they have inherited the property). This will be sold in time but neither of them are ready to part with it yet. Brother has a partner who is also living at that property.

The issue, if there is one, is this.
BF and I have recently planned to go away for a short break (while DD has plans with her dad) which is a bit of a one off. BF suggested it and we looked at hotels/flights together. We have paid 50/50 for the cost of the trip, which is fine, I've always paid my way. We have generally taken it in turns paying for dates.
What is playing on my mind a little is, to pay my half is really tough for me, I have had to scrimp and save and cancel a couple of other things in order to be able to afford it. I have a full time job but a large mortgage after my divorce and things can be really tight.
He on the other hand has no mortgage, considerable savings, and we are paying 50/50.
I feel if it was the other way round I'd have offered to pay a greater share. He knows i dont have much disposable income.
I'm not sure what to make of this. Every other thing about this man is amazing. But this is really niggling.

Do you think maybe, even somewhat subconsciously, this is more about where you are in your relationship and it is highlighting the differences? So although in theory you want it to be 50:50, as committed partners you would instinctively start to balance it out a bit? With differences in responsibilities, income, assets, maybe this is starting to show.

He has absolutely no idea of your finances. He's never been in your situation/circumstances so he can't possibly, unless you tell him. You agreed the budget and the holiday, then was the time to speak up and say if it was stretching you financially.

What you could do now, is tell him that you've just realised you've over stretched yourself/had some other unexpected expense, and that you're going to be a bit short for spending money when you go on holiday. Perhaps he'll be inclined to cover more than his share of the costs (meals, drinks etc), while you're away?

Superb

(Ultimately though, you agreed to go away, planned it together and agreed to split the cost so like many others have said I don't think this in itself shouldn't be an issue)
If he insisted on 5* when you said you could only afford something else then that's a different story of course.

He's s boyfriend not a partner you share joint finances with. I don't think its reasonable judging him if he's not really registered your situation or just doesn't want to pay. If you lived together and shared joint finances with him that would be different. This is necessarily a bad thing and him paying more or for the whole thing wouldn't automatically be a good thing either. My abusive XH was happy to splash the cash when we were dating including on holidays, I thought it showed how generous he was and how much he cared. I can see in retrospect that this was a red flag along with other love bombing behaviour.

Thanks so much all for contributions, this has been so helpful

I can imagine my OH being a bit like this.......he's a really generous guy but a bit oblivious about money in many ways.

I couldn't be with a tight partner but I'd give your BF the benefit of the doubt for now.

agree with most of the pp's - you're annoyed at him for not being psychic.
even in your post you say "which is fine" but then say "it's really tough for me."
Well which is it!?

If you're telling him it's fine
showing him you are happy to pay half by doing so every time you go out
and agreeing to flights and hotels rather than saying they are too expensive
of course he will take you at your word!

When I first started dating my now DH, I was a single mum on family credit (remember that!) and he was an (and still is) an accountant with his own, albeit new, practice. At the beginning I explained that I was an extremely tight budget with mortgage etc to pay and if he wanted to go to fancy restaurants etc then he would have to pay for me as I just wouldn’t be able to afford it. We arranged to go on holiday after a few months and he asked me what I could afford to contribute and he paid the rest 🤷‍♀️

I think you should just be really honest with him with what you can actually afford to do and see how he reacts.

Youre right to pay half.

That fact he can afford his half easier is not the issue. If you cant afford to go. You should not have agreed to go