AIBU for being upset over this ?

[blueyavocado]

I am aware guidelines for weaning have changed from 4 months to 6 months over the last 20ish years.

MIL keeps going on about how my son would be eating by now (he's almost 5 months) and we plan to wean at 6 months.

This evening when having dinner she was pushy about giving him ice cream and begging me to let him have some. I felt so guilty that I caved into her pressure and then she starts the same with my partner and I said no that's not okay.

AIBU for being upset that she's trying to introduce food to my baby? I don't want to start him on sweet tastes either.

No you are not being unreasonable.

It's you and your partner's son. You are his parents and get to decide what is best for him. She should respect the decisions you make and not interfere.

YANBU
No no no! Tell her to butt out.
We know so much more today about sugar and how bad it is for you and the reasons for weaning from 6 months.
Stick to your guns 💪

Babies under a year def can't have ice cream.

Why what happens?

Yeah and I want to start him on vegetables first

Yanbu but honestly it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's not a hill to die on long term.

This is about more than just weaning.

It is about your MIL offering unwanted advice on how to raise your child.

She won't be the only one doing it.

You need to work on your strategies.

Simplest is to smile pleasantly and say 'Oh, I know they used to that, but it's different now' or if stronger needed 'we're not planning to do that/ this is the way we've chosen to do this'

You need to do this each time - have a few so you can mix them up.

You absolute need to have your DH on side so that the 'we' counts. The last thing you need is him giving mummy the impression that he would listen to her and do as told if he could.

I've never really understood the 'sweet taste' thing - milk is very sweet itself.

You just hold firm politely but firmly. No need to get upset.

Please tell her no! I had this with my MIL 17 years ago (when weaning had already been changed to 6 months). I had to watch her like a hawk, she was adamant I was “starving” my DD 😐. Now, I didn’t make it quite to 6 months, was about 5.5 months, but that was my decision made when I felt it was right for my child not hers.

I had to listen to her tales of apparently giving her older daughter gravy and mashed potato at 6 wks and thriving!! (this is the child who toilet trained at 9 months….anyway, I digress.

After getting my 12 month baby returned from Saturday visits barfing for Britain I discovered she was being fed spoonfuls of salt laden ready made shepherd’s pie followed by a wee scoop of whipped cream from a mille feuille cream slice - “but dhe loves it!” Harsh words were spoken!

I've had to navigate some of this with my own mum, thankfully MIL is happy to let us figure it out. I think my mum says clumsy things because either: she doesn't realise the guidelines changed or she feels sensitive to me pushing back and saying no because it's as though I'm criticising how she did it. This was especially a topic around me not putting DD down to sleep on her front.

My technique would be to respond "MIL the guidelines now say 6 months. I appreciate they were different when you were raising children. Guidelines do change occasionally so all we can do is follow the advice we're given at the time".

My DD is my first as we have followed pretty much everything to the letter. Interestingly though, I attended a weaning seminar arranged by our health visiting team and they didn't say "no food before 6 months", it was more "no finger foods before 6 months" so I realised that we actually probably could have been giving little tastes of things like purées etc sooner!

That’s the point. We’re predisposed to like sweet flavours so it’s sensible to get them into savoury, bitter, sour as they’ll always like sweet things anyway.

Firstly, is he breastfed? If so he had/has a virgin gut and it is a real shame to give him this stuff now. Wait.

If he’s formula fed then seriously this is not the hill I would die on. His gut is changed from the formula in any case and the chances of it having lasting damage is slim to nil.

Thirdly, it’s up to you. Not her. You decide what he should be eating and if that isn’t icecream then YANBU to put a stop to it. You don’t own him and it’s only a tiny bit of time where you have a say in what he eats so you’ll need to spell it out to her.

I wouldn't be that bothered about solids before 6 months, but I absolutely would be bothered by introducing sweet foods and sugar as a first taste of solids

If she wants to feed him solids, let her give him veg, not sugary crap

Can you send her the link to the new guidelines? And anyway, giving ice cream to a baby is insane. Start with puréed carrots or mashed potato or whatever mushy veg like everybody else.

The bigger point, as PP have said, is about her understanding that it's your child, your decision. She doesn't get to decide. What you want to do to keep your baby safe and healthy and happy is your call, not hers. If you cave in on this, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of her thinking that if she nags yous enough, you'll change your mind

No, no, no! That is outrageous. No baby needs ice-cream and you, as the parent, decide when you start to wean your baby. Perhaps consider putting firm boundaries in place to manage your MIL and get your DH onside too so that he can help communicate your joint decisions to her. Any attempt to invite her to wind her neck in will come better from him.

Ice cream for a 4 month old baby? What the hell was she thinking?? If you give your baby a sweet tooth now, that's all they'll want in future. Hold back from giving sugar for as long as possible. My babies had their first processed sweet food when they were 12 months - a tiny piece of their birthday cake.
My niece was given chocolate and cake from a stupidly young age and now aged 3, she rejects all vegetables and salad.

Maybe read up on it? You want to avoid the body releasing dopamine when they get a sugar hit and the brain forming a link between sugar and pleasure from a very young age as it will lead to unhealthy eating in the future.

OP, you need to stick to your guns, because this is just the beginning. If she thinks you’ll give in over this, there will be other things where you’re “being unreasonable” - whether not allowing sweets, refusing to let your DC stay alone with MIL, interference over clothes - you name it, she’ll be insisting in it. When my DC we’re babies, the advice was very different, but I wouldn’t dream of suggesting to my DD or DIL that they should start weaning before 6 months, much less with ice cream - just read the packet to see what rubbish many ice-creams contain. Do you really want to start your precious babe on ultra high proceed food? Be strong, and do what you feel is right for your child.

YANBU. It's not even about weaning (although I'd be on your side there anyway), but it's about respecting you as a parent.

You're going to have your hands full there, put your foot down now. Good luck.

It's so annoying how older generations refuse to accept how things have changed and for good reason! Stand firm!

I'm all for allowing Grandparents to spoil their Grandchildren but it needs to be done with the parents, not against the parents. Giving ice cream as the first "solid" food ain't that! While the baby is little, it's ok for you to form your boundaries (I freakin hate that phrase lol), expect Grandma to keep to them and then, as baby gets older, you can both relax and allow their relationship to develop organically.

For reference, 21 years ago, I was struggling to BF my newborn having easily BF my older kids and my MIL gave them a bottle of formula (their first) without asking. I was absolutely devastated and I literally lost my shit. But, after that (very long, loud argument when I threatened to kick her out of our family forever. Good times lol), she ended up being an amazing ally who was kind, helpful and still has a brilliant relationship with both me and her adult Grandchildren.

That's been said on MN since its inception!