to feel im being bullied for not wanting my career

[thehappyotter]

i have severe health issues which means i will always get some support and wouldnt be expected to work ,especially full time.
however i do miss it , my husband works and we manage ok. i get some help. i dont want a career, i am qualified but i dont want the stress.
friends have asked since my illness, and some are shocked im planning to work at all(due to my health ) however i do cope better than people realise
im in my early 40s and am planning on going for a low stress , part time job .
then my husband had a workmate say if i can go abroad i can work fulltime.
my medical team have said to put myself first , but i almost feel some family members think i should work myself into the ground.the main comment has been well i had to , they didnt have have my chronic health issues , and its almost like the person in question thinks i suffered so everyone should .
my husband said ignore them but its hard as everyone local knows my situation as its obvious
there is so much resentment towards anyone unwell long term i feel i should be working more , or going back to my profesion .but i just dont think its in my best
intrest .

People will have an opinion on whatever you do.

If you need permission to do what you want to do, here it is 🫴

Fuck what anyone else thinks (although I know that's hard to do sometimes!)

exactly what my husband said ! i guess its anew situation to get used to

Agree with PP, and I’m adding my permission to do what works for you. I’m in a similar situation, and I’m so amazingly grateful to have a DH who is absolutely happy for me to work as little or as much as is medically reasonable for me. I also feel so lucky that we can afford for me not to work full time. Before I met him, I had no choice, and worked myself into more than one medical crisis. People are shits about long-term illness. It feels awful when people are dismissive or judgy, but I won’t let their judgmental attitudes force me into decisions that are going to ruin my health.

Listen to your husband, and to the previous posters.
Do what works for you. You know what is in your best interest.
Never mind what "everyone local" says or thinks.

When I was dismissed and then medically retired in my 30s people told me I should go get another job, if they'd read the report the independent drs had written they'd have seen it said they didn't anticipate me to work again. Partly I think people don't wan't to discuss my inability to work because that means I'm not well, Partly they are ignorant and sometimes just can't understand that someone would be happy to live on benefits (I'm not it's just the situation I was put in). My mum still says to the kids 'when mum gets better...' after 10 years she cant face that i have a chronic illness. There definitely seems to be a lot of friends and family who have disappeared from my life since my health deteriorated. When I was medically retired at 35 my sister said well if I've got to work another 40 years you should be made to do so not sit on your bum. I so wish I could work, but I realise now that's an impossible choice (it's taken 10 years for me to get that!)
I had therapy last year and think I let go of alot of the negativity of others realising I did my best to continue to work, I definitely didn't stop for an easy life, infact I made myself worse pushing myself to work (Because others thought i should be working). If others don't understand then that's on them not me.
If I could go back in time I'd tell my younger self not to push because of what others think, not to listen to the judgement of others because they don't understand what you are going through, how much effort you put in just to get up and dressed. They don't see when I haven't left the house for weeks because I can't mobilise (it's out of sight out of mind).
Look after yourself and do what's right for you and your family and try to put others opinions where it belongs in the bin.

i really need to . there is so much stigma around chronic health issues . it came on sudden so was a shock.first thing people say is when are you back at work. i need to toughen up

I hear you.

I have taken a few steps back in my career to make it more manageable with a chronic condition and when my parents saw me and asked about the job they immediately started asking about routes for progression. FFS. This condition is here for life now and for me, keeping my career at a manageable level where I don't end up so ill I can't work at all is key. Even now I think I may need to go part time, even WFH mainly and in lower stress hasn't quite got me to the point I feel well enough to have any meaningful leisure time.

Make sure you are in support groups (online or real life) for people with your condition. My condition is quite rare and I get so much comfort from people who "get it"

Ignore them. Take the part time job. If you decide later you want to work full time then do that. You can only make the best decision at the time. Stress resilience comes and goes.

If you have to say something I would just say something like I wouldn't rule it out in future but its not for me right now.

You really need time to learn how to manage health conditions from my experience.

The nurse in the team I see said that since moving into after care she has seen first hand that the people who have the best outcomes are the ones who prioritise looking after health and wellbeing. Reducing stress, staying active etc.

I'm with your husband on this.

He sounds like a sensible bloke.