To have had another baby because I wanted one?

[ohthatsbrilliant]

It sounds so obvious but I’m struck by how many people seem to have another baby for an existing child ‘to give them a sibling.’ And if they don’t have one they agonise over that.

I have to admit I didn’t think of my existing child. I had another baby because I wanted one, no other reason.

I had a second because I wanted to experience pregnancy again, because I wanted another baby and because I hated the idea of my son being an only child.

As long as you're able to provide for both children financially and provide them with equal amounts of love and care, it doesn't matter what you're reasoning is for having a second.

We decided to have a second solely because we wanted DD to have a sibling. Unfortunately the pregnancy was ectopic and we didn’t try again after that. I do still feel sad that she won’t have a brother or sister but then I have a word with myself and realise she’s very lucky, has lots of cousins, and two parents who love her to bits.

Wanting another baby is the only good reason to have one, in my opinion. Having one to provide a sibling is a terrible idea and a lot of risk, unless you also actually want a second baby as well. Hence why we're one and done.

People on mumsnet always say this. I think in real life, wanting to give their child a sibling is motivation for lots of people.

Having a sibling was a major factor in going for a 2nd for us.

Ultimately if we didn't want one, the sibling thing wouldn't have been enough to sway us but it was a HUGE factor.

Most people have a vision of what they want their family to look like. For some, that's one child. For others, it's several kids all being 'playmates' for each other. Of course plans change or things go wrong (for example, siblings who hate each other, secondary infertility, financial constraints or not being able to face pregnancy/childbirth/the baby stage again), but I think this family vision is a large part of why people want another one, two or three children after their first. So I'm not sure you can separate out 'I want another child' from 'I want to give my existing child a sibling' as it's all tied up with our life visions.

i always wanted a big family... so having a 2nd was never about someone for the 1st one to play with.. there was a 4 year gap between 1 and 2.

i was very ill after baby number 1, i was even more ill after baby number 2 and was advised not to have baby number 3. i did get pregnant (selfishly i think) with baby number 3, there would only have been about a year between 2 and 3, but sadly miscarried about 4 months in and again i was very poorly.

there were no more babies...

i am from a big family, and my husband was from a big family... so a big family was always on the cards.

I can’t have a 2nd due to infertility but these are the reasons I had for wanting another.

At 39 I wrote a pros and cons list.
there we’re 25 cons and one pro “because I want to.”

There’s definitely sometimes a MN line and a RL line but I’m surprised to say I’m on the MN line: it really wasn’t for my first child at all, it was purely selfish, purely because I wanted one. I think truth be told it probably would have been ‘better’ for Dc1 to have been an only but it wasn’t for me.

DustyMaiden - what did you do when you looked at your list, if you don’t mind me asking?

Siblings was a big factor for me! I hated being an only (still do) I had visions of 3 or 4 kids fairly close in age. As it is second DC is autistic so we decided no more, I couldn’t cope if we were to have another child with even more severe needs and disabilities (higher chance as there’s a genetic component) so we stuck to two. I totally get why people are motivated to have a ‘sibling’ for their existing child, but I think most do actually want a baby as well.

Watching my little people play is insane ! They are all under 3 and honestly it’s magical. I adore my brother and wanted my son to have siblings . I also adore babies ! I think people mean that they wanted a baby and another huge reason for a second / third was sibling bond. I doubt it is solely the reason! I know pleanty of people who after one said- that was not for me and I could never do it again even though I feel bad for my child not having a sibling !

It was both for us, we really wanted a second child, we also wanted to give our son a sibling, we were all very lucky in that it happened fairly unexpectedly so our son was able to have a biological sibling. Obviously they may not get on when they’re older, but we’re giving the chance for them both to know someone has gone through the same thing, and hopefully given the skills for them to help themselves and each other when they’re older. My husband would love a third, but it isn’t something we would go for as we wouldn’t feel right having one child who didn’t have that biological link while the others do, its also very hard to adopt where we live (which isn’t a negative).

I want another baby because my son is growing too fast and I miss the baby stage, I want to do it again and again