WWYD? Rude colleague

[NotTodayBrenda]

Posting here for traffic...

I started a new job a recently. It's fully remote and I have never, and will never, meet my colleagues in person. There's one man that I deal with fairly regularly over Teams and he's really rude. No pleasantries, no please/thank you, etc. and it's starting to piss me off. I have no issue with being direct and don't expect to be asked how I am or wished a good weekend, however, his demands and orders are unnecessary. I've no idea if he communicates with others this way but I'm not prepared to be 'spoken' to like that.

How would you approach this with them? Each time he does it I'm tempted to reply with, 'try again' but obviously I wouldn't. I'm looking for examples of what others would say. I have to say something as it's really getting my back up.

Can you give some examples? Teams messaging rather than email can save a lot of time on pleasantries, but maybe he's going too far!

I find the direct approach the best

'You are being rude'
' did you intend to come across as rude just then'
'I don't appreciate you being rude to me'

I work in a men's prison and the prisoners always apologise ( weirdl,but they do!) and we start again.

Hard to say with no examples. You say he doesn't do pleasantries and you're ok with it, so is it the lack of 'please' and 'thank you'?

If so, I'd tell him directly that it rubs you up the wrong way and take the conversation from there.

Yeah I think we need some context to offer a response. Definitely needs addressing though if he’s making you feel like this.

If he is being deliberately rude speak to your manager. If he is not being deliberately rude but it is affecting you negatively and you can't think of a way to cope with it, speak to your manager.

We have someone who sends abrupt internal messages, they're actually a sweetheart and it's just their way, but you'd only know that in person.

I think you should choose to not let it affect you, unless you know it is deliberate.

Demands and orders? You mean he speaks to you like a dog? I'm assuming that he's above you if he's giving you orders. Everyone is entitled to respect in the workplace.

Rude or abrupt?

Please provide some examples

Is it just you and him on these Teams calls? Or are other people involved too?
Is he a sort of manager to you?

I must admit I am usually busy and sometimes forget pleasantries over teams (but don't forget please and thank you) and then feel shamed because the reply usually starts with 'good morning / how are you today?' which is a subtle reminder.
Maybe you can answer him in the same way and type a pleasentry message first, wait a few moments and send the reply. It works when I forget!

For me, rude would be unnecessarily criticising my work, making petty remarks about minor things I've done, telling me to 'hurry up' or 'why haven't you done this yet?' or seemingly pretending to misinterpret instructions I'd given them. Or refusal to answer important questions in a timely manner.
Is this what he's doing?
If it's just that he pretty much just says
Here's the task, see links below. Without any other please, thanks, etc then I'd not be that fussed. As long as it was clear what he wanted and didn't micromanage me I'd accept that as their style. Not ideal but it doesn't really bother me tbh.

We had a meeting at work about civility and how damaging lack of civility within a team is. We discussed how much performance at work suffers when someone has been rude to you or even if you witness it. https://www.civilitysaveslives.com/
The video on when rudeness turns deadly is an interesting watch

We are healthcare but the message translates I think.

Online meetings, emails and SMS do come across as being impersonal sometimes.
I'm quite direct myself and have been pulled up for it before, despite being in management, but it's nothing personal, it's just the way I've been brought up and I guess I'm not going to change now.
However, if I'm specifically asking for something to be done, I always say please.

Do you think he is being rude on purpose? I work in tech and there are a range of ND people at my company who behave differently to me and could come across as rude but they don't mean to be. Sometimes they are really shy too and come across as rude.
You need to provide more detail really.

I would reply in kind.