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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to raise this with the school?

3 replies

fr4zzledmum · 19/07/2024 15:12

I think I will say that it's probably a bit late in the day now to raise with the school (last day of term and all) but would likely be something I'd be keeping on my radar for the return.

DD is in reception in primary school and shares a playground with nursery, reception, Y1 and Y2. There have been two incidents in the space of a week of two different boys in Y1 hitting her. The first time, she said she was quite upset and her friend got the teacher. The second, she said the other boy just came up to her and friends and hit her on the back with a big muddy stick. Her cardigan was caked in mud - she didn't have any marks on her body and didn't say she'd been upset this time. Her best friend was also hit, although confirmed DD beared the brunt of it.

I'm not precious about reports of hitting and squabbles in school (within reason), so I wouldn't ask for a discussion with the teacher every time she reports she's been hit or upset by someone. Kids are learning to be friends/not friends etc.

But what's upset me is that both times, my daughter has said "oh the boy doesn't understand, it's not his fault". I'm taking this to be something she's heard from the teachers and so I'm assuming that potentially, these boys are in the spectrum. And she says it in such a way that she is accepting being hit. She was also told by the teacher to move away from the boy on the second incident, even though he had approached them.

WIBU to ask for a discussion with the school regarding this approach? For clarity, I'm not looking/expecting to have these boys punished - if they are on the spectrum, I understand it's not as clear cut BUT I do expect teachers to be appropriately communicating that, despite issues others may have, it's never okay to hit (which I really feel like hasn't been done).

OP posts:
Holidaaaaay · 19/07/2024 15:14

I'd have raised it the very next day!

Swisscave · 19/07/2024 15:24

It’s really not a big deal to have a word with the teacher about it.
Don’t waste time on here- just go have a chat. The teachers are the only ones that can help solve this for you. We can’t.

PurpleBugz · 19/07/2024 21:42

If you are going to raise it the only way it will help is via a formal complaint. There is no funding for SEN what there is is sooo stretched. If a child requires a 1:1 or even additional supervision over the playtime supervision it's not given lightly. I have a child who was put on a part time timetable as they couldn't supervise him well enough at break times. I fought for an EHCP and 1:1 both for his learning but also his and others safety. There was no denying my child needed 1:1 and even when the LA were accepting he needed additional help (not 1:1) they dont provide this at break times and fought me vehemently on this. I did a SAR to the school (which by this point he had been kicked out of in reception) I used the incident reports to show he needed that supervision both in lesson and at break. I had to argue it was for the safety of others. Only then did I win the 1:1 at breaks. He's still got no school place despite me winning at tribunal months ago the system is a fucking joke. But basically the school won't be able to do anything unless they have evidence these children need closer support at breaks and this means formal complaints (as I doubt they are recording the incidents you describe in the incident log- I have a dd too so see both side she's just expected to accept horrible behaviour from SEND kids and budge over to give them space!).

Just be aware complaints could be used by the school to get this kid help but it may be used by the school to kick the kid out and then he gets no education. If this is an LA maintained school then yeah complain as much harder to exclude a child but if it's an academy they will just suspend and kick the kid out if that's easier for them.

So how bad is this behaviour and how bad is it affecting your kid? She doesn't seem too bothered by it and they do need to learn to be accepting of others. But as you say she shouldn't accept physical violence from someone else it doesn't matter if they can help it or not girls are not support humans and are not human shields!! Be sure to explain to her it's unfortunate these kids are not getting the support they need to not hurt others and it's very difficult for the school and their hands are tied- by it's not ok. Once she is out of school she won't have to take shit like this I just don't understand how our previous government thought it was right to put such high need kids in mainstream. I've got one of each and they have both suffered due to the lack of SEN provision

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