AIBU to be annoyed at my mum?

[weediamond]

I am attending a family celebration tomorrow with my mum. We're the only two family members who can make it on this occasion, so I feel I should go to make the effort.
I love my mum, we generally get on very well and are reasonably close. She's not the most maternal person and never was really. But I've learnt to accept this, and embrace the person she is, so as not to become disappointed. I should add that she is young, and fit and able.
She lives an hour away from me and last visited just before Christmas. My children don't have much of a relationship with her, but it's one of those things.
Regarding the family celebration tomorrow, I am getting a lift with mum. It is a 3 hour drive away from where she lives. I don't drive. I did try but gave it up after failing 8 tests ... in an automatic! I have dyspraxia and found it hard, plus I hated every minute of my lessons.
It goes without saying that I wouldn't expect mum to pick me up! I thought that I could make my way to her city, which would take me 90 minutes all in. As she's slightly outside of the city, it would take her 15 - 20 minutes to come and get me from the station.
She has refused to do this and wants me to come to the train station beside her house, thus adding more time to my journey. To make the family event on time, I will have to leave my house at about 7am.
Thing is, it's one of my siblings who is hosting the celebration. Mum will make the 3 hour drive to visit this sibling and to help them out, at the drop of a hat. Yet will not regularly visit me or drive the 15 minutes to pick me up from the station.
She always accused her own mother - my grandmother - of having favourites among her children (my mum and her brothers). I find it baffling that she can't see the irony in this!
Please believe me when I say that my expectations of my mother are low. I am not a diva daughter who demands things of her. She finds it hard to put herself out for others or to be depended upon; I know this and accept it. And this family event is pretty much a one-off.

AIBU?

Is it because the station is in a city and she doesn't like driving there? Due to our council trying and succeeding to stop people driving into the city I hate driving to our station now. Why don't you get a taxi from the station to her house?

You are an adult and more than capable of getting a connecting train to near where she lives

Driving into a busy town or city is horrendous and to be avoided at all costs

Yabu

She is already driving you 3 hours. Why add to more stress for her ?

YABU it can be a pain to drive into a city and there’s a station nearer to her house.

Got to agree with the other posters - depending on where you are, it can be stressful driving into a city. I avoid it too but will happily drive anywhere else outside of a city.

I suspect it’s not the taxi drive per se but the lack of interest in doing a trip just for you.. because she wants to. That probably feels like rejection and is why you are upset. Naturally so. Have you tried a heart or heart to explain how you feel? You know her, maybe it’s work a shot, maybe it’s not. If my dd said this to me I’d listen and want to reassure her but I’m not a mind reader. She’d have to say something.

YABU, sorry. You’re the one who needs the lift as you can’t drive, she’s the one doing the favour so you make it easy for her. Leaving your house at 7am is quite normal and not unreasonable.

YABU

Why can’t you go to the station near her home? You say it’s adding time onto your journey? How much?

You are adding time onto your mums journey by not going to the ration near her home. You seem fine with that.

Why is your time more important than hers?

I take it there's no public transport connection directly to the venue of the celebration, thus leaving your mum to her own devices?

It seems pretty uncaring of your mum not to collect you from home. It's hardly a million miles away.

Thanks everyone and absolutely fair enough. I think this is what I needed to hear in advance of tomorrow.
As @Treeslovetrees pointed out, there's probably more to it than the lift thing. But I can appreciate the other views on the practical side of things.

I think in this instance it's fair enough to expect you to go to her local station given she has a three hour drive. That doesn't mean she isn't shit in general though.

Must say I agree with the others. As a non-driver you won't understand how stressful and time consuming city driving often is. It's comparatively less hassle for you to get a connecting train to her station.

I live outside Edinburgh and often elect to bus it in rather than take the car...and I like driving. I won't entertain driving in Glasgow at all.

I would just cease to rely on her at all. What would you have done if she didn’t exist?

Don’t give her the satisfaction of treating you badly.

Would it be any more convenient to just get the train the whole way rather than mess around going to small stations and then drive 3 hours with your mum? Some longer journeys are easier by rail.

In this instance, I can see that driving to a city railway station may not be as easy as you think. Our nearest mainline station is in a small city, but the bus lanes, one-way system, taxi ranks at the station and the penalty fines for being in the pick-up/drop-off for more than a set time means I wouldn't be keen on offering to pick anyone up.

As for the rest of it, you seem to have the right attitude. Regards her as a fellow human who you interact with on an "as and when" basis, rather than as "mum". It's sad, but it is what it is.

Driving to a city train station is ok, it’s the stopping there that is stressful - there are lots of red lines around, short stay / long stay and many wardens, bays for only cabs, so many people and children and risk of tickets and fines. I therefore see your mums point.

the real issue is that you say that you are accepting and fine and you get that she’s not maternal and that your children don’t have much of a relationship with her , but that’s ok too….but it’s not ok for you, is it? I’m not judging - these do sound like hurtful things that are difficult to truly accept. I think it’s these things, for the sake of your own wellbeing, that you need to work on.

good luck